Bank Holiday Monday morning

Good morning,

Well I slept quite well last night although I woke from sad dreams at about 1am, and slept again.

I woke this morning to the sound of torrential rain.
And the rain continued as I plodded round the paper rounds.

I am home, listening to Classic FM, waiting for the water to heat for a shower - I don't run the boiler all the time. I must put some toast on in a minute. The tea tastes better since I descaled the kettle yesterday, and I have got different sugar, I forget what the light brown sugar is called but it makes drinks taste nicer.

Obviously it isn't gardening weather or I would be doing some work today, but I am getting the wardrobe today if we can get it in the door!

The family who I have been helping to move have had their baby on Saturday evening, just a day after they moved home! They sent me a text saying they are having a rest for the week and then we will resume work. I think they need a rest. I think they need an all-expenses-paid holiday! Paid for by that stupid housing association!

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well I just worked on various paperwork and housework tasks this morning into this afternoon, and finally did some chicken for lunch, posted some letters and got some things.

Then I went to the car boot sale, and got a counter top oven and a few other things, and then I went to the welfare for a meal.

Then I went for a drive, my favourite, along five mile road and up onto the cliffs, the humid haze made the view less awesome but still good.

Then I came home to the news that I will be gaining a wardrobe tomorrow at 10.30.
So I have just been making space for it and ensuring the flat is looking good.

I intended to study this evening but I am beginning to wind down towards sleep, so I doubt I will.

I couldn't find any good net curtains or curtains locally so I have had to arrange them online, so I hope to get those in place this week, and then with the oven and wardrobe, and then the sofa bed and bedside arriving on Wednesday and hopefully the phone and broadband soon, The flat will be pretty much complete.

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Well I was having flashbacks last night so I was worried about sleeping, thankfully I slept well.

I woke early but the flashbacks came back.

It is darker now in the early mornings, and I get to see the sunrise.

I went and did the papers, and that was boring, and now I am sitting here trying to revise but the distress and flashbacks are still happening.

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well I finally managed to leave the house and go to the hardware store. And it was raining a lot.

The hardware place was dissapointing, not the exciting treasure trove I had been hoping for, maybe my memories are wrong of how those places used to be?

So I drove round to a few other places and rediscovered a gem, another secondhand furniture place, with some good stuff and prices, but I mustn't jump into buying more yet.
And Argos. Browesebrowsebrowse of the catalogues, want everything of course.

Then I drove on just for some time out, but it kept raining and the cafe I wanted was full of bored grockles and so I drove some more, and went to pizza hut, I haven't done that since I used to do pizza hut and cinema in Jersey, it reminded me of Jersey.

Then I came home, tired, and it has kept raining, I have watched Doc Martin but I am tired and will have an early night.

Tomorrow is the late start but I have two rounds to do, I am not sure I love doing two rounds.

Saturday morning

Good morning peeps,

Sorry for the lack of blog, I have been busy.

Lets see if we can catch up.

Thursday morning I woke up feeling ill, the wind was blowing and showers of torrential rain were falling. So I used the car for the paper round, and it is a good thing I did, as another paper person couldn't start their car and I did their round too.

Tired and in a muddle, I got home and had a breakfast break before going errand running, getting things I needed, grabbing a quick walk in hair cut at my hairdresser's and then going to work doing garden clearance after reserving a chest of drawers at the local friendly second-hand shop. A lightweight chest of drawers for £20, it will do fine.

I was just finishing my garden work when I got a text from the family who I have been working with over the last few weeks, well they were supposed to move on Thursday, but obviously it has been very hard for them and they had not completed the move and they asked me if I could come in the next day, yesterday. Unfortunately I was booked elsewhere at the time, so I said I could do Saturday, but that was no good as she has to go into hospital on Saturday, presumably to have the baby induced as it is really late now.
But when I got home, my other customer booked for yesterday asked to postpone until next week!
So I texted the family to say that I could come yesterday!
My work life is as daft as I am.

So anyway, I went to take my friend to collect her car from MOT, and since she was with me and the garage was near the furniture warehouse and I have been too panic stricken to reserve a sofa bed, she went with me and we reserved a sofa bed and a bedside cabinet, and I bought and collected a little shelf unit for my office while we were there, and then i dropped her off at the garage for her car.
So that was Thursday, and I continued to work on the flat as I do every day.

Friday morning is heavy local papers morning, so I took the car even though the weather was due fine, I live further from the paper shop now, as you may have realised.
But in any case, despite the sky looking good, torrential rain showers kept occuring.
Ah but it was funny, I was waiting for my papers in the loading bay by the shop, which is legal and legitimate. And some sod of a council worker was out taking down redundant carnival signs and shouted at me 'Oy, it's a loading bay!'
Rather than argue, I moved over, caught by surprise, but the locals who were waiting for the shop to open were indignant, especially one local who had pulled into the loading bay just to collect her paper, while I had been there to load. The council man didn't shout at her, he just drove off.

I caught up with the council man further up the road as I delivered the papers, and had a polite conversation, the conclusion of which is, I was legitimately parked, especially at 6.30am, then the only people using the loading bay are news distributors. The thing is, he didn't even check why I was there.
I also had a polite chat with his department by email later, but never mind that!

When I had done my papers, I checked back to make sure everyone had been able to do theirs, and they had, so that was OK.

Anyway, so yesterday I returned to work with the young family who are moving home. I was surprised to find that they were not yet moved in, although a few car loads of stuff had arrived, and one bedroom was now carpeted, I am fuming that the Housing Association have left them struggling to prepare this house and move with a new baby on the way, it's not on at all!
So anyway, as I worked and their relatives worked, a van  load of furniture arrived, and the move proceeded, their old tenancy ran out yesterday but with so little help from the housing association and so much to do, it has been a last minute struggle for them to get moved.
I am grateful that I am a private tenant and no children to care for and can move house on my own quite easily, and again I moved into a decorated flat, although it was unfurnished and I am working to furnish it and fit nets and curtains etc.

So, when I finished work for them yesterday they said they would text me on Sunday regarding next week. The thing is with this family is they tend to employ me daily on a reduced rate due to their circumstances, but I have to fit my other work round them, not that I mind! The other thing is, for me it has been like doing two house moves at once, theirs and mine! That has been truly strange.

So I went from work to collecting my chest of drawers, thankfully they loaded it easily into the car and it was so light that I had no trouble unloading it at home, despite the injured shoulder.

I spent yesterday evening doing housework and flat work, I set the chest of drawers up and took the clothes out of the airing cupboard and put them in the drawers, it was chaotic, keeping my clothes in the airing cupboard.
Then I put a laundry load on and hung it out, trusting the weather forecast. And then I hoovered and mopped the flat, and had a bath! :) I don't often have a bath but I felt like having a bath so I did.

Then I walked through the dark night to the shop, and got some odds and ends and watched the police having someone's car removed and impounded for leaving it on a double yellow line. That's ruined someone's weekend!
I was chatting online for a while before I crawled into bed and slept.

This morning I struggled to get up and get to the shop for 6.30, but that was OK, I thought! No hurry, I thought!

The lad came after me as I dumped my papers in the car 'Oh, could you help us out? One of the paper boys has moved to Wales, can you take his round until we get someone?'

You know I hate doing the papers by car? And with two rounds I need the car!
And that wasn't the end of it either.
I got my round out as quick as I could, then I had to learn the new round, I hate learning new rounds by car, it is harsh on my poor old car! And that is my second new round I have learned this week, although I would prefer to take the other one on.

So anyway, I had got up late and muddled out of the house forgetting my phone and wallet this morning, stupid if the car breaks down, but anyway, so after doing two rounds, my petrol was lower than I had planned for so I went to the garage, and put petrol in before I realised I hadn't got my wallet! Thankfully the guys at the Petrol Station are local and nice, so they let me nip up to the paper shop, which was closer than home, and get a sub on my wages to pay my petrol! I think most people manage to do the no money petrol thing once in their lives!
I did it once in Jersey, drove off without paying rather than not having the money, but I was very ill then, I went back and paid when I realised, and they had automatically told the police but they put it right, I think because I explained I had my mind elsewhere.

Anyway, the paper shop didn't mind because they had more news for me.
They want to take me off my usual potter round town with the papers and put me on a major distribution route, combined with the new round I learned today, I will be doing all the rural and dropping bundles to other distributors, and the pay will be triple what I earn now.
Considering I only started delivering papers to ensure I always met tax credits threshold, it is good to have developed it. And to be honest, I don't love my own round very much. So in a few days time I have to start learning this new distribution route, a lot of it is bundles, which I like, cos that is easy one-stop drops.
And news distribution is work that won't affect University time.

I can't believe it is already midday! I thought I would whizz through my round this morning and then go and drop something at my friend's house before she went to work, but it was about 9am before I got home! And then I have been running through payments and shopping lists and boring stuff, but also watching the music channel and almost relaxing!
I also got the student magazine from university and had a read of that, it is interesting enough.

I need to go to B&Q or similar and look at various things, and to be honest, I should take some time out and go somewhere for a few hours, but dunno where yet.

It is fairly warm and cloudy today, I just got my washing in in case it rains or someone else needs the line.
I must sort myself out, get some measurements done and go out. I can't measure, I just write down numbers from the tape measure and hold them up pleadingly for someone else to decipher. It's hard work making an unfurnished flat into home.

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

Sorry about the delay in blog. I haven't been too well.

Well yesterday I learned how the door intercom worked and was successful using it, this was when the postman brought a parcel that I had to sign for, a tool I needed for work.

I had started the tedious job of sorting out my messy paperwork. But I went to work, and because it was raining I was doing indoor work.

When I got home I continued with paperwork and the flat.

I slept reasonably well but woke up really ill this morning, I know the prescribed  painkillers are very strong and my system never likes that kind of thing, but my shoulder was killing me and I felt all over very ill.

I crawled around the flat, trying to get dressed, and running a bit later than usual. Then I biked to the papershop as I hate using the car for the papers, but it was very windy, which made it harder.
I got the papers done and came home, and just as I got indoors, torrential rain came pelting down.

I still didn't feel well.

I got myself and the flat sorted out and headed for therapy.

Therapy was difficult because I was more ill than I thought and it was hard to concentrate, but my therapist was very understanding.
On the way home I stopped for shopping.

Due to the weather and no indoor work scheduled, I had a free day and came home and slept for five hours, I woke feeling a bit better, although my shoulder is painful.

I have been watching my programmes and not doing much, Hollyoaks is, as I said, too violent to be realistic, but I watch it anyway. Very sad, Dillon's needless death, but there were funny points, during that row:
'I have a third eye'  
'Oh you should go and get that looked at!'

Hollyoaks!

I am just sorting out my next music exam and university stuff.
It's nearly autumn!

The family who I have been helping are now preparing to move home tomorrow, with all the work nearly done, the baby hasn't showed yet, but my work there is done until they are ready to have the garden done.
They were finishing the decorating when they went to strip paper off a wall and found it covered in mould underneath, not safe for a baby or a pregnant mother, and the Housing association have refused to do anything, it makes me angry, it makes them angry, they have been really let down.

The weather for the next few days looks better, and I will be able to work if I feel as OK as I do now.
Actually I feel anxious now, like the Diocese and their police are hovering. Well I feel like that a lot, but worse at the moment, probably because of the house move. I wonder if I will ever feel safe and not as if my life is about to be violently ripped from me.

It is hard at the moment, trying to get used to a new life, a different way of life, again. I am wiped out.

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well, I slept well despite having slept yesterday afternoon.
I dreamed a lot, sad dreams, and I woke to the sound of torrential rain, this was bad as I thought it was clear to do the round by bike.
I looked out the window and it was stormy over the sea, so I did the round by car, and annoyingly it didn't rain then.

I have up to three jobs to do today despite the rain, I have two all-weather jobs and one job  that is dependent on me getting the tool I ordered.

My shoulder is painful but at least I have had it checked, know what is wrong and what to do or not do.
I haven't yet collected the prescription for the strong painkillers but I can't take any until this evening anyway as I may need to drive.

I am considering doing bacon and eggs, maybe, and fresh coffee and juice. Sounds good?

My office is looking good, despite it being the corner of the breakfast bar.

Last night I was making good progress with my studies.
Unfortunately I don't think the bathroom's new privacy screening on the window is any good.

I will get on with paperwork and address changes and things today.

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well this morning I set out for the dentist, great nervousness.
The rain was heavy and our roads are steep and bad, so I was anxious, and it is 8 miles to the dentist.

I got there and there was a locum dentist and he was prompt and efficient, on time like the others never are.
He swiftly did a new filling with no pain, and he was nice, not mad like the other guy.
He recommended a course of further treatment, he was laughing at me because he asked if I was a smoker and I said no, and he said 'You are a tea drinker then! All that nice tea!' because my teeth need a dentist clean. I am booked in but not for a few months as they are so fully booked, they are the only NHS dentist in 50 miles.

Anyway, I drove back, heading for the doctor's surgery.
But the rain became torrential, and the roads started to flood.
The cars were struggling and I pulled over in a car park to wait for the rain to slow down, so did a load of other drivers.

When the rain slowed, I made my way along the bay and past the stormy sea, I went and collected my bag of meds from the chemist and then went to the doctor's surgery, when I told them my concerns, they booked me in to see the nurse practicioner straight away and she said I have torn the muscle and no heavy work for six weeks and she did me a painkiller prescription, another painkiller I can't take before driving! :(
This injury is supposed to be treated with heat, whereas my other problems are supposed to be treated by cold, how confusing.
A shoulder injury is a slow healer, so I have to see if it recovers in six weeks, or go back and get a physio referral :( although I love the physios at the clinic and they are good, I hope it doesn't come to that.

Anyway, I came home, started some study work, and then fell asleep for hours.
I woke up an hour ago and am watching television and chatting online with my mates.

I managed to get some letters written and sent to my pen pals this morning and exchange my library books, getting back to normal now.

The rain and storms have continued.

Monday morning

Good morning,

Well I slept OK, had sad and bad dreams, and woke to a rainy morning, so I had some tea and went to do my round by car, I finished the round surprisingly quickly and checked for post at the old house and collected a parcel from the Royal Mail depot - the privacy screening for the bathroom window.

I came home and made the bed and made breakfast and got on with paperwork, while watching a massive thunderstorm breaking outside, it is raining heavily.

Today I will collect prescriptions and give the doctor surgery my new address and make a doctor appointment because of my shoulder.
Then I will go to the dentist! :(
I may or may not get any work done today, the weather won't allow any gardening.

I just need to have a shower in a minute.
The thing is with the flat, although it needs a lot of work to turn it into a place to call home, I am not cleaning and looking after a whole house and a cat any more and time seems to stretch out forever now,
I guess when University starts then all free time will be utilized!

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well it has been Sunday.

This morning I watched 'The Lovely Bones' and Hollyoaks, and I continued to sort the flat out.
I did chicken for dinner and I went to the afternoon car boot sale as the rain had stopped, the car boot sale was sparse despite the weather breaking for a while.

I did my washing. And have just continued to work on the flat and get my office and paperwork back in some form of order.

This evening I biked around the town and the bay and the cliffs.

The weather has been nice again but is going to be awful tomorrow, tomorrow I have errands to run while doing my paperwork, then I have to go see the dentist :( looking down in the mouth for that.

I have worked out how the refuse and recycling works here, and got rid of all sorts of moving-related rubbish.

I think I am nearly ready to sleep, my shoulder is still aching but muffled by painkillers, I think it merits a check by doctors seeing as it is a shoulder injury and I do physical work.

Sunday morning

Good morning,

well I slept well but dreamed sad dreams.
I woke in time for a cuppa and then the papers,
last night a big thunderstorm hit when I was falling asleep but I fell asleep anyway.
This morning was gloomy and humid and I was hoping to get to the early car boot sale but the rain started first.
I sat in my car and watched the stormy sea. Then I went and got petrol and milk and came home.
I think a quiet day is in order, Hollyoaks omnibus and things. My shoulder has eased a bit but I am worried about work.

Saturday evening

Hey peeps,

I am still feeling a bit disorientated and ill and also my shoulder is a serious pain, I may go to the walk in clinic if it doesn't ease, because I need to know if it will be further damaged by my work.


This morning I drove to the furniture warehouse, but feeling as I did, I couldn't cope with all the removal men hurrying about in there, I wasn't fit to make decisions, so I came back, via the little furniture shop, because I definitely wanted the book case they had.
So the book case is now installed and full.

It is all a bit tedious with trying to get everything sorted, but one step at a time it will get done.

I biked down to the sea and had a swim and an ice cream, the beaches were packed with people but I found a nice place to swim, the water was warm and clear. After my swim I had my ice cream, and then came home and rinsed myself and my beach things in a cold bath with some nice bubble bath, refreshing and helped to bring my temperature down.
However, it took more energy than I had, and now I am exhausted with a very cross shoulder.
I really wanted to swim today because it is the last good weather for a while and autumn is approaching, It is very hot and humid and we are catching the edge of a thunderstorm at the moment.

I have continued to sort and unpack, and been watching the Big Bang Theory as there was nothing else worth watching, does anyone else think it is a spoof of 'Friends'? I am not a serious Big Bang fan but have watched it on and off for years, and of course I identify with Sheldon :) haha.

Earlier while I was out, I stopped at the library and got some Asterix and Tintin books, it was funny I was lying on the floor reading them when I got home, and eating Rubarb and custard sweets, and it reminded me so much of Saturdays when I was a child.
I also got the DVD of 'The Lovely Bones'. That was in the cinema when I was in Jersey and we went to see it and I remember crying when she was shouting for her dad, because my dad had just died.
The graphics in the film are pretty awesome. The scenery, the effects.
But I am too tired to watch it tonight.

Saturday morning

Good morning,

Brief updates for now.

Well yesterday I felt very ill, I put a chicken stew thing on to cook in the slow cooker, and then I walked to the high street, which is two minutes away and I looked for things I needed, I got a cutlery rack, and I spied some net curtains and realised I needed to do the impossible and measure up for things.
I felt so ill I thought I would collapse, so I came home, tried to get on with things and then just lay down and slept for a long time.

I had intended to collect the blue bike before it bit too many people and bikes, and also collect a book case, but by the time I woke up, it was early evening and I still felt weak and tired and in pain.
So I hitched a lift by public transport down to the blue bike, and brought it home, and then I did a jacket potato to have with my stew.

I ordered some privacy frosting for the bathroom window as it has a flimsy net and clear windows and as I have to keep the window open to prevent damp, the net blows out of the way in the wind so the tourists get to see my bottom when the open topped bus goes by :) it's funny and not funny.

Anyway, there was time for Hollyoaks when I got home, yes I am still watching it, and then I put some Buffy' DVDs on and lay in bed to watch them.

I had an early night and had nightmares, the previous night was just sad dreams.
I woke this morning in plenty of time for a cuppa before I did the papers.
The sun was shining here when I set out, but as I drove down the bay, the mist was thick and the sea was booming as it hit the shore.
I had to wait for my papers so I watched the little bit of sea that wasn't hidden by mist, a lone fisherman was in his waders in the tide.

I did the papers and have had a lot of toast and tea and orange juice and a good shower, now I need to go and sort out more furniture.
Classic FM is very soothing, it is nice to have the radio on like I used to.

Friday morning

Good morning peeps,

Still lost, bewildered and also ill here, not feeling as bad as yesterday but at least I had a reasonable first night here. I didn't know how I would sleep, but thankfully tiredness overtook me and I lay down on the little inflatable mattress with my various bedding strewn about, and I simply slept.
I was worried about waking up as I couldn't find my alarm clock and my phone refused to set the right time at all, but I slept quite well, woke at about 4am needing the loo and marvelling at the peace and quiet, the roads outside are busy during the day but apparently silent at night, the fridge was chatting away to itself, noisy little thing, but then I slept again until 6am and was in plenty of time to drink tea and go do the papers.
The heavy local papers were on today, so I did the round by car, the blue bike is sulking up at the leisure centre, I was too stressed and tired to collect it yesterday but I will.

I got my local paper, it is boring this week, they run out of news and no good jobs this week.

The flat is chaos, I have very little furniture yet and everything is all over the place, mad-like.

But I gave the hob a test run by doing bacon and eggs, that was a good orientation, however I am very tired and in a lot of pain, so I have cancelled the day's work.
I think I really need time out for the weekend, I am utterly shattered.

The sun is trying to shine and the sea is moody, this flat, like most places on the bay, has 'oblique sea views, ie I can look out the corner of the bay window and see the sea if I want to, it is the same uninspired view as the bathroom at the old house had, I can watch ships floating past the window.

You wanted to know more about the flat, very similar to the old flat, but completely self-contained, own kitchen, bathroom, everything, as yet very awkward to arrange anything, but when I get my strength back I will tackle everything.

I am sitting at the breakfast bar on a stool, it feels very odd, but I don't have a desk yet.
And I am listening to Classic FM to soothe me as I feel like a poorly porcupine.

Thursday evening

Good evening peeps,

Broadcasting from the new flat, I am very tired and the tiredness is beginning to overwhelm the confusion and distress.
My friend called and I went round to her place for a while and a cuppa, so I feel less bewildered and lost.
It was a big move because I am so used to running that house and now I am alone in this flat with everything in boxes as I have not yet got all the furniture. I am confused and restless which is actually quite normal for someone mildly autistic who moves home.

I will get my bedding in from the car now and see what sleeping on a mattress in a strange place is like.
I mean, even getting the car was a stress because it was a big change, so moving home will take some getting used to, I will try to update better tomorrow.
My shoulder hurts like hell.
I have been working with this young family who are also moving and I think two moves and two lots of hard work is impacting on me badly now.

Thursday morning

Good morning,

Well sorry about the lack of updates, I have been working and moving home.

I picked up the keys on Tuesday and have been gradually moving since then.
I was so tired by yesterday afternoon that I just lay on the flat floor for a while and wondered how I could continue, but then I found some energy and it is just the last few things to go today, after work, and I am only working a few hours today.
I wish I could say that I could then relax in the flat but as well as unpacking, arranging and still a bit of furniture and internet and other things to arrange, I will be working hard at work tomorrow, and possibly the weekend as well.

I will try to find time to tell you more later.

And yes, I am still proceeding with therapy, thankfully.

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well I managed to sleep despite my landlady's noisy girl, and I woke this morning very bright despite having taken 5HTP and codeine last night, I hope that when I move I will stop needing so many painkillers, it is just stress, and the fact that I need my shoulder pulled out by a physical therapist.

I did the papers, and have had breakfast and showered and been getting on with things, I just need to hang the washing and go pick up the keys for the flat, and sign the paperwork.
I can pick boxes up from the shop on the way as they have put a load aside for me.

Then I will do a few hours work and then continue to move things, if all goes to plan.

Yesterday I went to work for the young family who are also moving home, they were due the baby at the weekend but after a false alarm, baby has decided to stay inside for now.
The amount of cat hair I cleaned yesterday before I started on their garden, absolutely unbelievable!

Then I went and did my garden clearance work in the village.

I have shifted some of today's work to Friday so I can get on with moving, so I will do a few hours today and a few hours tomorrow after therapy, and probably just a few hours on Thursday.

Monday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday I went to the car boot sale and got a few small things, a toilet mat, a saucepan, a pair of shears, a plant. The thing with car boot sales, especially when you are looking for things for a house or flat is, there is too much stuff and it is easy to get carried away, but I didn't.

The beach down there was golden and inviting and the sun was shining hot, I wished I had a swimsuit with me.

I came home and cooked a nice roast dinner, and then I was too full and tired and the beach here was so busy that I biked up and down with difficulty but didn't swim.

I was struggling to think about moving home and I was feeling really ill and tired, so I didn't go the the other car boot sale.
Eventually I went to the welfare, and was fed and looked after, and got a tea, milk and sugar parcel for the new flat. It is in the car waiting with other first load stuff because instead of keys and paperwork today, keys and paperwork are tomorrow.

I am working for the young family today, I think they have had the baby but they still have to move house within a week. Then I have garden clearance work if I have the energy.

 I have asked to do most of tomorrow's work later in the week due to the keys and paperwork for the flat being tomorrow.

There is far too much to think about, being in the process of moving is unsettling for normal people, for someone with autism it is hell.

I slept quite well last night and biked round the paper round this morning, I think biking it is better when I can.

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Well I went to bed tired last night and slept until 1am when my landlady's daughter came crashing in from wherever, she doesn't get up until noon so she doesn't realise that people who have to get up early need to sleep.

Anyway, I woke up, just about, with earplugs in to try and help me sleep, earplugs give me a headache.

I got up and went delivering papers, and got my wages including extra for the holiday cover, so I got some petrol for the car and some odds and ends.

It is a sunny day with a calm sea, and I am just waiting for my wash load of bed linens to finish so I can hang them out, I have cleaned the kitchen but am delaying doing the hoovering and mopping when my landlady's daughter is asleep.

I will get the washing and things done and then go to the car boot sale, see what oddments I can see for the new place.

Saturday evening

Good evening,

Well this morning I went for my swim in the sea, it was really nice, I had a quiet bit of beach to myself and I swam a lot, used more energy than I should.

Then I came home and showered and put all the clothes in the wash.

I sat and did some reading and listened to music a bit, then eventually I drove to the small nearby furniture store, second hand stuff, I saw a few odds and ends I liked.
Then I drove up onto the hills, stopped briefly to enjoy the view and then drove the fast road, I have not allowed myself to drive that before but I feel confident now.
I drove the 8 miles or so to the big second hand furniture warehouse and had a look round, and saw a few things I liked again.
Furnishing the flat will be easy.

I decided to stay out and have a drive along the cliffs road, it was very nice up there, a lot of people were out enjoying the warm weather, and some people were surfing on the bay.

Then I came home and have been writing, and then I biked along the bay and got some shopping on the way home.

Saturday morning

Good morning,

Well I didn't take any meds last night but I slept like I was dead and woke up late this morning 7am!
At least my holiday cover of the other paper round is finished so it didn't matter, but my neighbour said with a grin 'Overslept did you?' when I tapped on his door to hand him his papers.
And this time I had to admit I did. Last time I was late was when the bike was in difficulties.

I woke up feeling like I had been drugged, I still feel a bit strange (no comments from you orrible lot!)
I didn't take any codeine or 5HTP or anything last night but it feels like I did. I did go out for a drive last night, to get a few bits from the supermarket and see what my night driving was like, but that shouldn't have affected me.

Anyway, it is a mild and sunny day here, and my plans are a swim in the sea shortly and then a trip to the second-hand furniture warehouse about 8 miles away, to see if I can see anything.
My friend has offered me a mattress and I have my own armchair and chest of drawers but apart from that I don't own any furniture.
The flat I am moving to has 'white goods' and a breakfast bar with two stools, and it is carpeted. I don't need much, a desk and chair and a book case, and eventually a bed and some little tables or cabinets.
I think a sofa bed would be nice.

Friday evening

Good evening peeps.

Well today was the day, far too late, that Janner faced court for the first time.

And today I was again offered a flat, and this time the deposit and first rent were managable so I accepted.

Hopefully we do the paperwork and money on Monday and I will spend the week moving house slowly and easily, while still going to work and therapy and everything as normal.

The weather is still miserable, and all the poor holidaymakers are sitting in cars in car parks and watching the sea.

This morning I sat at the viewpoint and read my university text books, the views weren't much with the rain clouds low over the hills and valley and sea, and when I needed the loo, I drove down to the seafront for the loo, and then sat in my car and studied some more, surrounded by car loads of bored grockles.

Then I came home and did soup and toast for lunch before going to view the flat.
When the viewing was successful I drove carefully to my friend's house for a cuppa, she is pleased about the flat.
This weather is bad, I have seen two accidents, one today, two cars and one a few days ago, a car and a motorbike. Our roads are bad so I drive real careful.

When I got home I realised the soup for lunch was a mistake, I am allergic to powdered milk, and some packet soups have powdered milk in, so I was in pain, I scooted up to the chemist on the hill and got some IBS tabs, and I am making a rapid recovery as I watch my programmes.
I am sure you didn't want to know that! :)

I am trying to relax and not keep trying to run through the logistics of the house move, but it is hard not to.

Friday morning

Good morning,

Well I was out like a light last night when I finished reading 'The Green Mile', I switched the lamp off and I switched off too, and slept like I was dead.

I woke this morning and went to deliver the papers, I was in less of a hurry because the paper boy was supposed to be back for his round, but I offered to check back just in case, and it was a good thing I did, he didn't turn up, so I did his round, and was running late.

It is grey and muggy with a rough sea. I am pretty sure my client is in hospital, having her baby, so I don't have much to do apart from viewing a flat later.
It is too wet for gardening really, so I will go and sit up at the viewpoint and do some studying, my landlady's daughters have taken over the house here so I won't get much peace if I stay in.

I will let you know how the flat viewing goes.

12th interview with HG

1. How did you communicate your complaint to the Dean, Bob Key?

I emailed him.

2. When he met you, who was present, and were notes taken?

There was just me and the Dean and his wife present. His wife took the notes. She has not long before that been sitting with the Churchwarden and his wife at an event and asked them why I wasn't sitting with them. There is a lot more to say here but I am sorry I cannot say it now.

3. When did you first contact the Bishop at the time, and what action did he take?

I contacted the Bishop after the Dean made it quite clear to me and another person that he intended to obstruct the complaint.

The Bishop, Bishop's office and safeguarding officer took no action, and this was the start of the safeguarding officer criticizing and blaming me and upholding the opinions of the people who supported the churchwarden, and this left me really ill and went on for years, leaving me destroyed.

4. Did you meet with any Bishop at any time? Who was present? Were notes taken?

The only time I met with the Bishop was too late in 2010, I had already been utterly destroyed, and a token meeting was set up by Jane Fisher against my wishes, to meet her safeguarding legislation requirements, unfortunately the whole thing was a totally sick setup, especially as I had made a formal complaint against Fisher.

I am sorry but this question makes me too sick and distressed to continue to answer. It is pure wickedness what they did with this meeting and lied about in the Korris report. After this meeting Jane Fisher had a free rein to destroy me completely.

Again, I can't say any more on this without collapsing. It makes me sick.

5. What do you think should happen if a complaint of a safeguarding nature is made about a churchwarden?

I think if anyone needs to make a complaint, they must make it directly to the police, and ignore the church who are incapable of safeguarding and usually exclude and harm the complainant in the church while protecting the abuser.

Treat abuse as a crime, the Church don't, but anyone who witnesses or experiences abuse should.

Abuse is almost a perk of the job in Church and has been for a long time, with outraged letters in the papers in response to recent clergy arrests, saying that the abuser who ruined lives is a good man and the police should be imprisoning immigrants and not 'a good man who made mistakes in his 20s and who doesn't'.

6. When arrested, were you going to Reg's Garden? Did you like Reg? Do you like his garden?

Yes, how did you know that? I was due to help with a charity event, yes I loved Reg's garden, I loved the birds, I remember being told their names and which ones could speak or which ones liked to escape or bite!

7. What do you think about Reg's Garden closing?

That's a shame, it will never be forgotten. It was a venue for so many good things, including Songs of Praise for the Romania charity. I always enjoyed that.

8. When arrested, do you think you were fairly assessed by the doctor for aspergers?

I am not sure I understand the question, I don't remember much except the police jeering and brutalizing me, and they claimed in court to have psychologically assessed me but how did they do that if I was unconscious?

9. Who told you to accept being bound over for three years?

Don't ask me about court stuff because I neither heard nor understood anything about it, all I knew is that my abuser and his supporter, the Dean, had triumphed and Jane Fisher and the Bishop had actively helped them. I do not and never will, understand the police and court stuff, only that I was treated like dirt and left so severely traumatized that I nearly didn't survive, only going on the run on the streets saved my life and I remain deeply deeply traumatized.

I was told what to plead, I understood nothing.

That destroyal of me was Jane Fisher's greatest triumph in 'unsafeguarding' when my name was in the paper and my abuser and his supporter were in their warm homes, happily sharing the news with their friends and family to discredit me.

10. Did they explain that it would mean leaving Jersey?

I don't know. 

11. Was any help given to you when you left Jersey?

No, Jane Fisher launched a full on onslaught slandering me to churches, homeless services and my old friends in my home town of Winchester, she destroyed me openly and callously in order to protect her and the Bishop's reputation, and I cannot describe to you how horrifying it was to be publicly crucified in my home town after being destroyed and imprisoned in Jersey, I have never met anyone as evil and callous as Fisher, and to make it worse she pretended to do it out of care, and then had me brutalized in front of my fellow homeless and imprisoned again for reacting to her harassment and slander of me round Winchester.

12. Do you think the church will practice proper safeguarding despite saying so?

No mate, you have gotta be joking, they don't know what the word means.

I am sorry but I can't write any more in case I suffer a collapse, thank you for the interview but it has invoked horrifying memories.

Thursday evening

Good evening,

Sorry for the lack of blog, I guess I have been preoccupied and have had a migraine.
I may or may not be able to recall the last few days but I will write about today, not that anything interesting happened.

Last night the migraine made me feel sick until I remembered I could take two yellow tablets together and I did, I slept and there was no more pain.
I slept through the night and had no dreams that I recall.

I went to do the papers this morning and was relieved to hear that today was probably the last day of holiday cover, it has been a strain on me and the car.
So hopefully back to normal tomorrow, only it is the heavy local papers tomorrow, so I think I will use the car for my round for two more days, rather than jumping back into biking round with the heavy papers.

When I had done the papers, I was due to go and help this family with their new home, but I got a message that it looks like the baby is on it's way so not to come, she has been having pains, and with the baby due on Sunday, they were heading for the hospital this morning. No more news yet.
So that was that work cancelled, and with heavy rain and thunder, no outside work could be done, so I drove to the next town because I had a strange feeling. And when I got there, there was a studio flat, so I enquired as to if it was available still, and I have an appointment to view tomorrow afternoon.

Then I have been working quietly on stuff for therapy, and also I cooked garlic and herb chicken and rice and have been reading 'The Green Mile' and listening to music on headphones, apart from when the Simpsons and Hollyoaks were on.

Yesterday I was working to get my garden clearance work under control before the bad weather, which started today. We have had rain and thunderstorms and tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I went out on my bike earlier and although the rain had stopped, it was horribly muggy, humid and biking along the bay in it wasn't much fun.
The sea has been rough with big waves all day though and I like that kind of sea.

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well I had a rather unsettled night, with only light sleep, I think the sleep in the afternoon upset my sleeping pattern, but I was so tired.

Anyway, I woke this morning to a cloudy and drizzly morning and went to do the papers in a very meek car, the rain continued, heavy at times, so I was glad that the car behaved.
I will be relieved to just go back to doing my round by bike, to be honest, I am not sure if the paper boy is back this weekend or next.

Anyway, home, showered, breakfasted, tidied, and just doing odds and ends before my next work shift, I will be helping this family I mentioned and then I have two gardens if the weather allows.

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well this morning I went to do the papers and the car decided to scare the hell out of me by refusing to start when I was delivering papers on the main road.
I was parked across a driveway, delivering the paper, and normally I leave the engine running but I hate overheating the car, so I turned it off.
The car then refused to start, once, twice, and I had to take action with so many papers left to do, so I rolled it off the drive onto the double yellows, put a few notices on the dash to say it was broken down, sent a message to my car repair man, and shot home to get the blue bike and a paper bag.

I got back to the car by bike to collect the papers, and I tried once more to start the car, and it burst into life. So the poor blue bike, who had been dragged from it's stable muttering about 'Being On Holiday!' was left tied to a lamp post to scare passers- by, while I did the rest of the rounds without stopping the car at all.

The car simply behaved itself after that scare.
I got home all hot because despite the clouds and rain, it has been horribly humid and hot, I hate rain and heat, it is no fun.

I got on with various things before heading for work in the new job contract where I am helping this family. That went well, I did a lot of scrubbing of cupboards and walls. This family, expecting a new baby, are moving into this dirty house that hasn't been looked after, very soon, with the baby due, and you can't have a newborn baby in a dirty house! So I am happy to help them.

On the way home, as they are paying cash in hand each time, I got some groceries. Phew, I was running low on stuff.
It was raining so no garden work today.
I got home and did my work diary and ledger and tried to actually relax, and would you believe it, I slept for an hour! And I only woke because my friend was phoning me but I missed her call although it woke me.

So I woke and put my programmes on, and then there was a bright orange knock on the door, and it was such a co-incidence it was not the bright orange knock I was expecting, it was a charity man also dressed in bright orange and not my car's best friend.
So I chatted with the charity man and then washed the car while I waited for my car type person, the cat was so keen to help wash the car until he realised there was water involved so he retired to my bed.

The car's best friend arrived and we talked about what was going wrong with the car, he tightened the auxilliary belt and said he would order a new one for me, he said one of the problems could be in the ignition and he would need more time and tools with that, and that if the car continued to have problems I might consider a new battery.
He also replaced the stay catch in the door while he was here. Very handy that my car has such a good friend eh?

The car has been running fine since it's sulk this morning.

I am just having a read of 'The Green Mile' by Stephen King, I own a copy but have only read it once, the prison ones can trigger mild flashbacks for me.

Hollyoaks has got a bit ridiculous and a bit too violent for me, I know soaps are just soaps but it is difficult for my brain to think round the fact that Hollyoaks is just a village and if it was real and people were bumping each other off all over the place with no credible investigation then it would be national news, you know? I can't get my brain to play along with Hollyoaks any more, it amazes me that I could have actually focussed on a soap for so long anyway, but I suppose it is better than Eastenders or Coronation Street, or Emmerdale, they are so far out that I don't know how anyone can even watch them.

Anyway, having now enraged soap fans, (please don't lynch my blog) it has been nice to almost relax properly this evening, I intended to do uni stuff but I have been just chillin' and chatting with my mates online.

Tomorrow I have both paper rounds, then this new contract work, then two gardens.

Monday morning

Good morning,

It is just after 6am and I woke at about 5.30, wide awake, from dreams about funerals and rain and new houses and a lot of people.

It is a grey and drizzly morning and I am having my cups of tea. I will have a shower before I  go and do the papers.
Then I have a few hours before I go and do this new work.
I feel like I slept with earplugs in, which I did, because my landlady's daughter came home yesterday and asked for a charger for her phone and then talked to my housemate in the hall when I was trying to get to sleep.

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well I am tired, life just seems full of exhaustion these days.

I did all the cleaning and housework this morning.
Then I was going to swim but the beach was crowded and the tide was far out, so I biked up and down and came home and showered and went to look at a new job contract, helping to prepare a house for a family who are in a bit of a pickle and preparing to move house in a hurry when they are also expecting a new baby, how stressful for them, it reminds me of my own childhood.
So I will be working with them for a few hours a day for the next week, it is in the next town, so lets hope the car behaves.

Then I went to look at the old heritage site where my working life re-started earlier this year, I think they need the offer of a day or so of work from me, volunteer of course.
Then I went to the welfare, they seemed in the mood to make a fuss of me, and I had a meal with them.
They gave me teabags and sugar and milk, which is helpful as non-payment of work invoices when my rent is due has left me short of money.

I think the hot heatwave ends now with rain coming in tomorrow, the temperatures will still be up, but summer crowded beach time is over for now. So it's a pity I didn't get a swim today.

I feel so tired and so hopeless, probably because I have two weeks to find a flat, and I am low on money and reliant on an old and rather cranky car.

At least my room is clean and my textbooks are stacked in an every-increasing tower and my meds are neatly divided out for the week.

The cat is asleep on my bed, he don't care, but I will miss him when I go.

Tommorow I have double paper round, then this new work, then some garden clearance if I have the energy or the weather allows, if not then that garden will go to Thursday.

Sunday morning

Good morning,

I fell out of bed just before 7 to go and do the papers, the shop opens at 7 on a Sunday.
I had been dreaming a lot, and vividly, but I don't remember a thing about the dreams.

The car started sweetly and we went and grabbed both rounds at once and did one after the other, the Sunday rounds are easier despite the heavy papers, but even so, it takes an hour and a quarter to do two rounds, and the same as yesterday, the early chill and dew gave way to an already very hot day with the same heat haze as yesterday, the sea is flat calm in the sun with ships floating in a haze on the horizon.

It is all sunny and warm and my washing is out on the line.
Soon the cat will come and borrow the bed, I think I will make the bed now so he doesn't swipe me, I have enough bruises and scratches from his new habit of running out in front of my bike when I get home, he also runs behind the car as I reverse into the driveway, damn cat!
I know damn isn't a bad word because the churchwarden in Jersey was always saying it, he said lots of damn and blast words and a few other interesting words as well.

Saturday evening

Good evening,

I have just realised that I haven't updated this blog for a few days.

Well I had a bit of a whacky Wednesday morning this morning when I woke this morning.
I was dozing and waking as usual, the first alarm went off then I dreamed I had overslept, then I woke up at the normal time and got a text from the shop saying I didn't need to come in until 7 as the papers were late.
I went into the kitchen to make tea, still a bit disorientated, and as I did, I noticed the time on the kitchen clock.
The clock had stopped at 5.45am, haha.

I fished the clock off the wall, well actually I got up and got the clock off the wall, seeing as I didn't have a fishing line handy.
And as I did, I realised not only the clock but also the kitchen drapes were covered in grease and dust.

I left the clock on the surface and got a few cups of tea, I could have had my shower before doing the papers but I got preoccupied.
This morning was the start of me doing holiday cover for another round alongside my own round. An ideal excuse to do the papers by car, well actually I was relieved not to carry not one but two sets of heavy weekend papers, and as you know, I have been so tired recently. I will only be doing the papers by car this week - if the car will actually start! :) thankfully it did today.

The papers being late when I had TWO rounds to do, and heavy Saturday papers at that, made me stressed, plus I had to learn the new round as I went.
The new round was fairly simple and the car behaved, although I felt as if it was a bit of a strain for it.

I got home much later than when I just do my round at the normal time, and I was tired and disorientated, I cleaned the clock, haha, and changed the battery, and then I took the drapes down and dusted and cleaned the walls where they go. I put the drapes in the washing machine for a good wash.

Then I kind of dazed around a bit, vague television and other stuff, then I had to go to the bank to put my money in and and make sure the rent went through.
I went into the nearest town and the bank is supposed to be open until lunch time on Saturday, so I thought I was very lucky to get into one of the free one-hour parking spaces near the bank, and then the ruddy bank was closed!
So I had to go all the way to our capital town. But surprisingly, I also got a free parking space there, so I quickly did the bank stuff, grabbed some milk from the shop (and paid) and headed home.
I hadn't wanted to be in any town on such a hot day. I wanted to be in the sea, not with the car, of course!

Today started with the pre-autumn chill but that went very fast and before I had finished my round it was hot and I was sweating glowing.
So, when I got home from town, I biked to the sea and had a good swim.
The beaches were very crowded, and there was even a wedding on part of the beach, but we have miles of beach so none of us splashed the bride.
The sea was warm and clear and it was nice to have a really good swim, I did accidentally take the car keys instead of the keys to the bike lock, because they look alike, but I just left the bike against a wall and no-one took it. The blue bike still thinks it's a horse so it would be the worse for anyone who tried to nick it.

When I got home I had a nice shower and put the beach clothes and other clothes in the wash, the washing is still drying on the line, and I have been studying while letting one of my favourite comedies play on autoplay on the computer, that means it runs through the episodes without stopping.

The computer and blogs had a slight blip earlier, always worrying but scan isn't showing anything to be concerned about.

So, what have I been doing since Thursday when I last blogged, well, feeling tired and unwell and under stress, hence no blog. I did get garden clearance work done yesterday but nothing else remarkable has been going on.

11th Interview with HG

A note on interviews, the sets of interview questions are genuine and sent to me, mainly I am asked about my life, but I think it is understood that when I can cope with the trauma, I will be interviewed about the Church and Jersey.

Interview

 

1. Would you trust Bob Key, the Dean of Jersey?

No, he has proved untrustworthy and extremely harmfully so.

2. Are there any of the Jersey Anglican clergy whom you would trust?

No, your questions are challenging and painful but understandable.

3. Are there any of any other denomination?

No. No offence to anyone.

4. Do you think Jersey should have remained with Winchester?

I do not know, basically that is Jersey and Winchester's own personal decision and I am not in the Diocese or Deanery so I don't have a say, in fact I am not even a member of the CofE (Thankfully).

5.  Which churches in Jersey have you visited?

Most, there is some lovely architecture and artwork in some of them.

6. Have you ever visited Winchester cathedral? If so, did you see the statue of the diver, and do you know why it is there?

Yes indeed, Winchester became my home town when I was 17 and left my family, and the Cathedral was a central and important part of our lives, of course I know the statue and story of the diver and how he saved the Cathedral, that is William Walker! :) I love the stories of the Cathedral and it's history, it reminds me of home, and what was before the Diocese publicly destroyed me in my home town and drove me out. My Cathedral is part of my Winchester forever.

I guess the Diocese forgot to mention all that when they were using Korris to make me out to be a crazy stalker, yes?

7. Have you been approached to give evidence to the Jersey Care Enquiry?

No, but Philip Bailhache has approached them to give evidence, I am not a care survivor so I don't count, but I guess Sir Bailhache must be a care survivor.

8. Are there any Jersey politicians – past or present – that you have met?

My best memory is a St. Helier Deputy at Grev D' Lecq, flipping her lid over a speeding car on a Sunday morning, I have no idea who it was, it wasn't Shona Pitman.

Of course I knew Ian LeMarquand because he was a church of england reader and friend of my abuser as well as being elected Home Affairs Minister, I still have his daughter's excited emails to me about him being elected. But of course my clearest memory of him is how he blocked me for receiving prayers and then lied both about that, and about his knowledge of me being abused, his lie was so blatant because he had previously told people not to touch me because he knew I had been abused, before he knew it was his friend who had abused me,  and another memory of him was him trivialising paedophilia and letting someone off an abuse charge when he was a magistrate.

Who else, well Stuart Syvret was supposed to meet with me regarding the Dean, but he caused me some problems by not turning up for the meeting and just blogging about the Dean and my abuser instead! However, I did meet him at the child abuse march, and Monty Tadier and ? Ben Shenton? Brave and honourable men to speak for the voiceless.

I used to meet the Loo-tenant-Governor sometimes because he used to come to my work place and I let him go first on the roundabout at St. Aubin once :) 

9. Do you trust any of them?

I think Monty and Stuart have good hearts and are trying hard to ensure that the right thing is done.

10. Have you met any of Jersey’s bloggers?

Yes, I have met Mr Bob Hill, BEM, he is a very brave man, lost all his hair in the MET police, never got compensation but got a BEM instead. And of course I met Stuart briefly at the march and then nearly met him regarding the Dean.

11. Do you think the Steel report would be fair to you? Would you like it kept unpublished?

As Mr Hill has said, the Steel report is not worth the paper it is written on, it is a whitewash by Steel and Key and Ashenden and Willing and other contributors, how can a report written by the defendants to clear a defendant and ruin the plaintiff be a genuine or authoritive report? Steel is a colleague and friend of the wrongdoers in the Jersey Deanery and the Bishop of Winchester looks like an utter idiot for handing the report over to them, a bit like letting Greville Janner write an investigative report about himself (of course no, he got his friend and colleague Keith Vaz to do that, no?) Same thing.

12. Have you ever met Heather Steel, Bishop Gladwin, Bishop of Dover, Bishop of Winchester? Say something about the meetings.

I never met Steel, she tried to get paperwork about me without even getting my consent, and for some reason was also allowed to illegally access my police records in conjunction with the conflicted officer Gull, who has also influenced the Glenys Johnstone whitewash, Steel would never even have bothered with me if I hadn't got her email address off the Jersey Deanery who were using her to make a complaint against Bishop Dakin - Hilarious, but Steel refused to step down and let a non-conflicted person take over the safeguarding investigation, while Bishop Dakin refused and ignored numerous people contacting him with evidence of Steel's conflict of interests and links to members of the Jersey Deanery.

I have met Bishop Gladwin, Bob Hill forced Gladwin into a meeting and it made no difference, after the token meeting, the whitewash continued.

Yes I know the Bishop of Dover, he used to be Bishop of Basingstoke and he aint really a Bishop, just an old politician who reputedly had a sweetheart relationship with the female vicar I used to be friends with while her marriage was a sham - all that damaged my faith and disillusioned me back when I still thought the CofE was about God.

I have never met the Bishop of Winchester, he blatantly lied and claimed he had met with me to apologize personally, he never did any such thing, when he realised I would not take the onslaught against me quietly, he threatened me by email. He isn't a Christian, he isn't a good Bishop, he is there because Scott-Joynt wanted to be replaced by 'someone who cared about Africa' rather than a competent Bishop.

Thursday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday was a difficult day, I had to cancel therapy due to the other issues.
And other things were troubling me.
So I went and sat on the cliff top and had a cuppa and some divine cake and enjoyed the view.
The cake they have there, £1 per slice is too good to be on earth, I am gonna start importing that stuff.
It was a grey and rainy day and trying to get home in the traffic after work was a bit frustrating, the joys of owning a car! :)
btw, I am driving OK now, driving is like riding a bike, only a car is bigger and more dangerous!

Anyway, the evening was as normal, my programmes, a purry cat for company, studying.
I was very tired though so my little list of daily tasks didn't get far.
I went to bed early and dreamed about moving into a house full of people.

I woke and was wide awake and went to do the papers in a grey drizzly morning, the sea was rough and it was raining lightly.

I am here, wondering if I should have a day off and do some writing and necessary tasks. Every morning I wake up too tired for work at the moment, it is not surprising that the DWP and HMRC and all other people including my doctor! Didn't consider me fit for work, but I couldn't go on living in severe poverty on the barbaric ESA system, it was awful not being able to afford a haircut or shoes.

I need to get more work, the contact work is far too fickle, and one of my customers who can be a pain in the butt, has been having a go at everyone and yesterday it was my turn, so I quit doing his garden. I have had my fill of bad employers and I don't tolerate it any more. Tolerating bad employers is like staying in the church of england as they continued to abuse me emotionally, spiritually and sexually for years on end.

Anyway, with winter coming and  a degree to support, I need to arrange more work.

2 months until uni starts and I am doing my learning difficulties headstart, I have a textbook beside me and a study planner, I have a feeling that I can keep up with the mainstreamers when the time comes, my bigger worry is the diocese of winchester and their associates, they callously took my life from me before, and would have no conscience about doing the same again.

I am quite low, I think I need some 5HTP.

Wednesday morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday I went to work, and worked hard.
When I got home I just did the usual programmes and things.

I was very tired, which is a pity because 'Night at the Museum 2' was on and I was too tired to watch much of it.
I went to bed early, slept soundly but dreamed that my landlady's whole family were here, having a party!

I woke up in good time, I still have this background migraine that I have had all week though.
But I ended up doing a letter, so I didn't get to the shop until 7am.
It is a bright morning with a full calm sea.

Normally I have therapy on Wednesdays and I wish I did today, but concerns over money and finding a new home mean I have cancelled therapy, isn't it time the church of england started paying up?

Anyway, I can't make the bed because the cat is installed, and he will swipe me and grab the duvet with his claws. He did that last night, he tried to take the duvet with him when I turfed him out.
I don't mind the cat sleeping on my bed but he does disrupt my sleep, which isn't good when I am very tired.

So I now have a free morning, I start work at 12.
I think I will rest with an ice bottle on my neck, the migraines stem from the upper spine injury.

Hg's Day - by request

My day starts early, I wake up early to do the newspaper round.
I find it hard to wake and get up, and usually there is just time for me to get dressed, brush my hair, open the window if it isn't open, go to the toilet and make a cup of tea and drink it.

Usually when I make the first cup of tea, I also fill my thermos mug with tea and put it in the garage when I get my bike to go and do the paper round, this is because I crave more tea while I am doing my round and it is nice to have a mug of tea waiting for me as soon as I come back.

When I get home, I have a breakfast break, the length of which depends on where I am working or what I am doing that day.

Normally my breakfast is wholemeal toast with Bertolli, I don't like breakfast cereals and I find the toast keeps me going until lunch, sometimes I have peanut butter on toast. Occasionally I do healthy bacon and eggs for breakfast, and I usually have plenty of tea with my breakfast.

I usually have a shower after breakfast and then I go on the computer and catch up with emails, interactive learning, forums and other things.

Then work, depending on the day, work is variable and flexible. On Wednesdays I tend to go to therapy before work.

Other things I do apart from work include physiotherapy exercises, these are quite extensive and tiring, then there is music practice and preparation for university.
I also do all the housework at this house and I look after the cat.

In the evenings I watch the Simpsons and Hollyoaks and then I tend to turn the tv off, I sometimes watch DVDs later though.

I like to get out on my bike a few times a day if I can, I like biking along the seafront.

Another daily thing is keeping my work diary and ledger up to date as I am self-employed, I work across the district as a gardener and cleaner, but I am only part time due to health and continued stress from the Church of England, which affects me daily.

I get pen letters frequently so I reply to those, I have trouble holding a pen so it can be hard work, I also have a 'language partner' who is learning English and teaching me his native language, that is also to help me with university. My pen pals and I exchange post cards and photos and other little odds and ends and it is a good armchair socialising method. Several of them have social problems as I do, and they find pen palling a good way to have friendships, as I do.

I have been asked a lot about sailing but I am not fit to sail this year, and to be honest, I may never be able to dinghy sail again. I also can't run or play football and also may never do those things again.

I have been asked about what meds I have to take because of the diocese, the answer is none, my meds are mainly asthma related and supplements, I do not take anything related to mental health apart from using 5HTP if I am very low or suffering insomnia, it is not addictive and I use it sparingly anyway. I do not take any mood altering drugs or anything to 'suppress' anything. My meds, like everything else in my life, are all very neatly arranged in little plastic divided containers with the days of the week on them. I changed from being very messy and disorganized in my last life to being very tidy and organized in this life.

I don't put much effort into social life, I belong to a good social network where there are more outings and events that I will ever need and I pick and choose sparingly because I don't like being away from home in the evenings.

I go to car boot sales on Sundays and enjoy that, I usually allow myself some of my paper round wages for that, and I get books, toiletries and odds and ends for the house.

My life isn't boring, it is a bit solitary but that suits me, my life has many aspects to it and I am still shaping it, I have the car and the bike, I live by the sea and everything I need is within walking distance.

At night I go through a shut down routine to encourage me to settle to sleep without anxiety and generally I sleep OK, although I am more troubled by trauma at night.

So, that is basically my life.

Tuesday morning

Good morning,

Well I went to bed early and slept soundly with no significant dreams.
I woke this morning and went to do the papers, it was a bright start with a calm sea.

I have no work until this afternoon, so I am just going to do paperwork, housework and shopping.

I have done bacon and eggs for breakfast.

Suddenly everything has gone very dark with unforecast rain clouds.

Someone has asked me to describe a day in my life in a different form.
so I will do another post in a minute.

Monday evening

Good evening,

Well most of today has been a day out with my adoptive mum,
It was a nice day, we walked on the cliffs and had lunch up there and talked and wandered about.

So, not much to say, it has been more cloudy today with a bit of drizzle but that didn't matter, and then this evening I have been watching my programmes and doing a bit of prep and just having a quiet evening.

Monday morning

Good morning peeps.

Well last night 'Humans' came to a fascinating and splintered conclusion, thankfully not too violent this time, and that is it until the next series.
This was yesterday's episode:
http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/aug/02/humans-recap-season-one-episode-eight-the-big-finale

Humans is on really late for me, it starts at 9pm and finishes at 10, when I normally have my television off by 8.30pm, and when I have been watching Humans and drinking tea in the advert breaks when I shouldn't be drinking tea that late, I end up not going to bed on time and sometimes watching humans repeated on +1 which is not good either, so it was 11pm and later before I was in bed and today is not a normal day so that was silly of me, I also have a theory that watching something like humans last thing at night triggers nightmares and vivid dreams.

The first dream that I recall was a nightmare, I dreamed I was very high up on a tall building, sitting on some sort of lift thing, you know the ones they clean windows with on skyscrapers? anyway, I was on this lift thing with a few other people, and instead of window cleaning we were being given a kind of tourist tour, very exclusive, but two of the people were drunk and fooling around, and they bumped me and I ended up plummeting off this skyscraper towards the ground, trying to tell myself there was nothing I could do but close my eyes and hope it was quick.
I do not remember hitting the ground in the dream, I remember waking up parylysed in the dream.
I still have no idea why I get these very clear and detailed dreams but someone once told me to write a book about them.

Anyway, I woke up feeling very hot and sick despite the windows being open, so I took my top off, drank some squash and slept again.
I usually need something to drink at night so I have a jug of squash nicely out of reach of my habit of flailing and lashing out in my sleep.

Anyway, I slept again and dreamed about the church of england, mainly in the dreams I was homeless and they were trying to take over and forcibly build me a home while I protested that it was not what I wanted.

Anyway, I woke feeling ill in good time to go and deliver the papers.
It is a grey start to the day after all the bright weather and I am hoping it will clear so that I can have a nice day out with my adoptive mother.
I think we will stay well away from the cliff edges after that awful dream.
I am nervous to even go and collect the adoptive because I have never driven down there or parked there. Nor have I driven the route I intend us to take for the day out.

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well I was confusedly dazing around this morning, trying to work my way through the Sunday lag when I can't work out what I am supposed to be doing, but I had got as far as vaguely wandering through the shower and drinking a lot of tea and preparing to go to the car boot sale.
All of a sudden there was a bright orange knock on the door.

Bright orange knocks on the door usually happen in the week, when the postman has parcels, but never on a Sunday.
I still have PTSD so I do not like luminous or dayglo knocks on the door of any kind.
But luckily this time it was good news, I had heard nothing about the car repair, so I was not sure what was happening, and this was car repair triumphant.
He had a cold so I did him hot lemon drink while he replaced the ignition amplifier on the car, and the car burst into life and yelled about how it wanted to hurtle off down the road.

I think I now have a cold, but I also have a working car.

The car is such a big responsibility, such a change to my life, but now, second time around now it is working well, I feel more confident in driving it.

I drove to the car boot sale. I got used to parking in town and doing a parking card.
At the car boot sale I got some of the special face wash that you can't buy in shops, my skin is fussy and it comes out in sores with some skin and face washes so I have to stick to the ones I know I can use. It is an Avon brand that I like but I don't order from Avon so I look at the car boot sales.

I came home safe and well, having made myself drive round the seafront car parking circuits (don't ask!) and that was fine.
I stopped for groceries on the way home, and did some chicken when I got home, watched some of mean girls2 again, still feeling lost and unsure what to do with myself, I went for another drive around, getting used to driving and enjoying seeing the hills from yet another perspective.
I didn't quite end up where I planned but that is because I am not used to driving here, but I had a nice drive.

Came home, felt lost, and and went out on my bike, it was kite surfer weather on the bay, and I can still hear the sea roaring now. So no swimming.

I decided that feeling lost meant going to the welfare would help,
I wandered down there and was fed nutritious food and included in everything and felt great about being there.
Then I wandered off again and applied for a delivery driving job, haha, I really am living my life over again, going backwards forwards.
Only the blue bike and the cat weren't in my last life, so I think I prefer this one.

Humans is on at 9pm so I have time for a very scented type shower before then, and tomorrow I am apparently entertaining my adoptive mum, I haven't seen her since we were having chicken wings and hilarity in a restaurant far far away.
I intend to take her to one of my favourite places on earth for the day and I am sure she will love it! Last time I took her for a day out we went glass blowing, which was awesome!

I have been reading the driving manual just to make sure I do know how to drive, the problem is, I still associate driving with trauma in my last life, but I seem to be OK.

Sunday morning

Good morning,

Please excuse the lack of blog.

I can't even remember Friday evening,
and not because I was drunk!
Well actually I remember my landlady suddenly deciding she was going to move a whole family in here in three weeks time.
She is a fruit loop, she expects me to find a home in three weeks when the notice period is a month and she wants to move a friend's family in here!
Well, she has left me running here house singlehanded and looking after her cat, so what did I expect?

So anyway, I had to start trying to find a flat, I can't really afford it but low rent shared accommodation is too unsettled.

So that spoiled my weekend.
I watched 'Mean Girls' until I fell asleep.

Yesterday morning I did the heavy papers and then the Postman arrived with loads of parcels, mainly my textbooks, but also some parcels for my landlady, which she expects us to be here and sign for!

I think a flat is a big financial commitment, but it was on the cards anyway. A flat is a smaller area to look after and I will not be clearing up after other people, it will mean I can concentrate on my work and study.
However, I don't think I can afford the deposit and first month's rent on the flat I viewed yesterday.

Anyway, yesterday I got my text books and student diary and planner. So I started some reading.

And then I viewed this flat, it is a few minutes from here, unfurnished, sea views, well we all have sea views here, I can see ships floating past the bathroom window in this house.
The flat would be fine if I could budget it, but I don't think I can, what a shame, I have to let them know by Monday evening.

So, I got my hair cut after viewing the flat, just a trim.
Then I got into a swimsuit and beach clothes and biked down to the beach, it was a warm afternoon and the beach was busy, I dived in and had a swim.

When I got home I washed the beach things and put 'Mean Girls 2' on because I have never watched it before.
It was a bit different, no Lindsey Lohan or Janis Ian or Samantha Ronson, More of a spin-off. Still based at North Shore and using expressions like 'Plastics' and 'Mean girls' but a totally different set-up.
I really liked Jo, her character is very much my kind of girl! (and those of you who still think I am gay, shut up!), it's a pity Jo changed a bit due to her war with the plastics, and that is similar to the original when Cady changed because of the plastics.

Anyway, Mean girls 2 is a bit like Kickass2, seemingly has to be very dramatic, very cruel, in order to keep attentions, but it is good in it's own way, just very little similarity to Mean Girls.

I was very tired last night so I fell into bed at 8.30, the cat couldn't be bothered to get lost so he stayed on the end of the bed, purring thoughtfully to himself as I fell into deep empty sleep.
The cat decided to go for breakfast at 4am this morning but I didn't join him, I slept again and dozed when the alarm went off as Sunday is a later start.

I got to the shop and for once I was the last in for the rounds, I got my wages and drifted round the easy Sunday round.

Now I am just drifting and watching Mean Girls2 again.
The sun is shining and there are car boot sales today.

The Open Air play is not until Friday, so it won't clash with 'Humans'.

Ah, yesterday the cat ran in front of my bike when I got home, same leg again, very bruised and scratched now! That and a burn on my hand from the grill makes me feel all wounded and mournful :)