This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Friday, 24 February 2012

It's a funny old day, I am kind of dozy. Still getting chest pains, I emailed Asthma uk and they say I need to see a doctor, they say it sounds like I need a course of steroid tablets, fair enough, but I cannot easily see a doctor, so I may have to pop over to the walk in centre in the next county.

Friday is cup of tea day, I had a cup of tea at my old church earlier and saw my friends, I checked out how to spell one of my friend's names because I wasn't sure and I owe her a thank you card for helping me out the other week. I also just had a cuppa with my art gallery friend.

Homeless lunch earlier, I had no breakfast but I wasn't hungry, I had some soup and a bit of bread, not hungry :(

There were no gossips or addicts there at all.
There was a young lad in a really bad way, he has come off drugs and is in a seriously bad mental state, his friends want to still do drugs with him and use his flat for drugs and he is saying no, so they have taken to attacking him and smashing his windows and he doesn't dare go home, he says that even if he sneaks home he has no electricity left and he doesn't want to sit there in the dark in fear of his former friends.
He slept rough last night but isn't used to it and so he got no sleep, I remember my first rough sleepings, I barely slept either, you have to learn rough sleeping, it doesn't come naturally.
The homeless lunch staff were trying hard to help him, they had been with him to the doctor but he is in a bad way and talking about killing himself and it is going to take weeks for the mental health services to see him, he is due to see shelter today but because he is housed it is difficult for the homeless services to do anything, despite the fact he is scared to go home and is sleeping rough in a terrible state that won't get better from no sleep.
The staff offered to go back to his flat with him but he said no because he couldn't buy electricity.

I spoke to one of the staff quietly and asked if I could contribute towards some electricity if they were going to his flat with him but they said it wasn't a good idea to encourage him to be dependent, which is true, handouts can do more harm than good and I tell people not to give me handouts, and I remember the tricks of the drug addicts in hometown, I also offered my spare blankets if he is going to stay outside but they hope that shelter will help him.
I feel so useless sometimes, the staff said they felt useless too, and they were really trying hard with this poor guy because he has come off drugs, which takes incredible courage and willpower and the withdrawal from drugs is leaving him in a dreadful state and then he has this extra trouble of his former mates attacking him because he is no longer in agreement with their drug taking. He is afraid to go home and his home is cold and dark and he has barely any food. He is in such a mess but how can anyone help?

Homeless people usually help each other, but here in this town that is less the case compared to the other towns where I have been, just odds and ends of fellowship, like when cheerful big issue seller was given a load of packets of sandwiches and he told me he would never be able to eat them all so he gave me some of them and as I walked along one of the beggars was there in his blanket (begging is illegal here) and I offered him sandwiches, sharing and helping each other is one profoundly good and refreshing part of being in the homeless community, it is so diferent from the high society people inviting each other to 'At Home's' whatever they are, that is affectation, homeless people sharing blankets and food and watching each other's backs is real altruistic fellowship.

wafflewafflewaffle :)

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