Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Saturday night

Good evening,

Well today has been a mixed bag.
I woke up tired and really needed to sleep when I woke, which happens.
Nonetheless, I was in my daychair as usual.

The weather was muggy and cloudy, with rumbles, and the cloud was doing funny things to my view of the hill from the window.

So discouraged I felt, that I didn't wash this morning. I did dress.
But it was a long time before I did anything.

And when I did, it was the shopping.
The supermarket was a bit crowded, as they are on weekends, and the weather alternated hot sun and thick cloud.

I did a big shop, more expensive because of printer ink and discouraging because I know I will have run out of food before I get my next lot of money, ie, I will have a thin time.
I have become good at shopping since coming off the streets, just as I have become good at housekeeping, but nonetheless, I still have a week or so per month when I cannot balance money and food, just due to how my payments run.

Anyway, I came home, sat down to rest and read the local paper, and I got a shock.
My old landlord from up at the lodging house, the one who used to get the rent, grin and vanish, he has been charged with several historic sex offences.
I am really shocked, you know how you read something in the paper and realise you know the person?

Anyway, so I put the groceries away, the flat was a tip and I was hot, tired and in pain.
I had a project to do, so I got on with that, actually sitting at the table.

Eventually, I gave the flat a quick tidy, and took the rubbish down to the skip, I was wearing my aqua shoes, and although it was getting dark, I went to walk in the tide as I had not been down to the beach today.

I was surprised, I was not the only person down there, there was a paddleboarder and actually some young children with their parents despite it being almost dark.
The sea was warm, I walked a while in the tide, but I was tired and in pain, so I came home.

I was surprised to find something on my doorstep, a tub of brownies with a note from my next door neighbour, saying she had been baking and couldn't eat them all :)
Lovely, but kindness makes me anxious. The way Jane Fisher villified me and upheld the deanery doing the same in defence of their wrongs, remains with me and I feel unworthy of kindness.
Anyway, I will have fresh brownies with milk tomorrow.

I now understand why the Dean of Jersey, who with his church, are against women, was suddenly gushing about women Bishops, it is another church of england PR stunt, all the dioceses are doing it, making it to be joyful, to make themselves look good. Well good luck to them, most of us really don't care.

It is still quite humid but not intolerable, I have had a tepid wash in the bath, with lots of nice scented shower gel and I will sleep with my wet tea towel round me tonight and the fan going.

I wish there was a way to get well, because it takes me most of the day to get any energy.
I am absolutely sure that if I was sleeping rough I would not be so ill, and it was noticable, sleeping rough I felt much better, and if I slept over at friends houses I would get sick, nonetheless, I will persevere and see if one day we can really pinpoint why, if it is the heat of indoors, if it is the effect of sleeping on a matress when my spine is not too good, or what it is.

I realised I didn't eat a meal today, so I am doing a quick warm up of some pasta otherwise I might get hungry in the night, and if you can't wake properly and you are hungry then that ruins your sleep.


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