This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Yesterday evening I was supposed to be going to a church meeting at 8pm, but soup kitchen is also around that time, so I sent a message to the meeting saying I may be late, they were ok with that.

soup kitchen was early and so I walked to the meeting drinking my tea and eating my supper.

During the meeting I felt really ill, more and more ill and unable to concentrate, well, three nights with barely any sleep would do that, and the other problem is that my insides are raw and I am out of medicine, and trying to take painkillers for the headache makes my insides scream.

I have to slip out of the meeting halfway, I feel really bad about it.
I don't know what to do, no money left.
so I sit in the warmth of the bus station and formulate a plan, my bedding is in my locker and if I open the locker I will lose my last pound and not be able to keep anything in the locker overnight, and that means carrying a heavy load around with me, there is no way I am going to get up the hill to my sleeping place.

I decide to sleep nearby on the ground where the addicts and alcoholics use and sleep. Sounds crazy but actually I do know what I am doing.
I get my heavy baggage out of the locker and go through my things, I throw away a lot of my food parcels tins and things I cannot use immediately, it's a waste but I am in immediate crisis and I cannot carry everything without compromising my health more.
I find some pain relief cream and rub it into the pain, that helps without upsetting my stomach more as the painkillers earlier did.

I end up with just the heavy backpack and two bedding bags.

As I start walking I meet one of our church leaders who wasn't at the meeting earlier and he says he will explain to them why I left, and he promises to keep me in his prayers.

I go to the place where I am going to sleep, it is an old churchyard, people sleep there because it doesn't disturb anyone.
I choose a dark corner, it is well within screaming distance of a busy road and pavement but despite it having a bad name, I have a feeling I will be ok here, the other people who sleep here sometimes usually arrive and fall down in a stupor over on the slope.
this is a risk, I have lost my charger so my phone is dead, so will be a question of yelling if I need help.

In my dark clothes and skullcap I look like a man anyway. I put my thermal vest on under my jumper.
I put my backpack down alongside me, between me and the wall, then I get into my sleeping bag and use the extra jumpers as a pillow and put the duvet over the sleeping bag, how highly cosy! My backpack is under the duvet with me and so it looks like myself and my bag are a couple sleeping side by side under the duvet, and no one in their right mind disturbs a couple of rough sleepers.

I sleep, thankfully, gratefully, but probably not very deeply, I am in pain even in my sleep.
I wake in the dark early morning, needing the loo, there is a rough sleeper on the slope nearby but he is far enough away for me to have privacy. I have one of those little devices that allows me to pee standing up and descreetly, so he won't know I'm a girl as I water the wall, he starts snoring anyway, so I lie down again and try to sleep, I doze lightly and I am in pain, then as I drift off I hear voices, not the schitzoprhenic type! It is two police officers questioning the rough sleeper, he says something about a 'bloke over there' and gestures in the direction of my corner, the police come over to me and tell me that they are just doing a check on rough sleepers for the outreach, (lazy outreach! they are meant to be out here themselves!), the police take my details and shine their torches away from me when I whimper about the light hurting my eyes, police torches are very bright.
I ask the police what the time is, and they say 5.30, and I say that it is nearly time for me to get up anyway.
They wish me well and wander off.
It is the first time in my years that the police have found me rough sleeping, I would not normally sleep were I have just slept, my sleeping places are unique, hidden and out of town, sleeping here was because it was a crisis situation, but even so, they don't move people on from here, they were simply seeing who is out and who is vulnerable and who needs help, and I am already registered with the outreach here and engaging with anyone who cares to help me, so there is no problem.

I get up, the other guy is snoring again. I don't mind that the police woke me, my money is in the account this morning and what more delightful waking up can you have than two hunky poliss offissas giving you their undivided attention before you go for a long and luxurious cup of tea in McD's? :) Especially as my phone battery is dead so my alarm wasn't going to wake me.

So the day starts on a more cheerful note, I have slept, a bit, I have stayed safe, I have money and I will have a cuppa.

I get some money and I sit in McD's and drink tea and use up the battery on my netbook by doing some writing. I also briefly charge my phone in there, this phone is useless for battery, runs out all the time. I take painkillers and am surprised to find that they do not upset my insides and they do help.

I see a trail of rough sleepers wandeing down the church steps, the police car is outside, sometimes the police move that lot on if they misbehave, or sometimes they run off when the police arrive because they don't speak much english between them and probably don't know what to do when they see the police car?

I get a copy of the Metro and read that over a coffee that I get with my stickers.
Then I take all my luggage and stow it in a locker, yay!

I go to the pound stores and get new knickers and socks, foam pads for my shoes, and medicines that will help me feel better until I get my prescription meds tomorrow, I ran out :( stupid me.

I don't feel like going to the library, I stay in the shopping centre and drift, physically and mentally.

Then it is daycentre time, and I stagger in there.
The staff book me in for a shower and take me for my shower before breakfast, but there is a gatecrasher, someone who is not on the list and shouldn't be in the shower, so I have to wait until after breakfast, it kind of throws us all off balance, the shower rules are strict and usually I am first. The person in there shouldn't be there.

I am not hungry but I have breakfast, my friend in the kitchen has found me a new mug, it is so big that some people say it is a potty, we fill it up with tea and wow, what a lot of tea!

Then I get my shower, and as soon as I come out I go into a daycentre users meeting.

The meeting is positive.
Then when I get back downstairs and start reading I am told there is a letter for me, it is a benefits letter, and nothing remarkable, I end up discussing benefits and work and things for ages with a member of staff, it is nice to chat sometimes.

Then I escaped from the daycentre, back into the wild.

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