Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Monday, 17 September 2012

Good morning bloggypeeps,
I am just having a quick hijack of a library computer before I go with my pal to the disabled college to look round.
I am going in his car and we are taking the dog along for a walk. I am worried in case my clothes smell in the car, I have washed them down with deodorant as best I can.

Yesterday afternoon I made new friends. These were the people who took me home for lunch, they are a young married couple from church, I have known the women for a while but have only just met her husband, they are very nice quiet people, my type.
We had a good lunch, and they are avid tea drinkers so that was good.
We also had some interesting things with our lunch such as cactus juice, which they got just for the novelty of it.
They have two georgeous cats and one of the cats loves to play, so I was happy to play with the cat.

I also had a luxurious bath and washed my hair while I was there, and they dropped me off at evening outreach with some home made biscuits and we exchanged phone numbers.

Evening outreach was quiet and felt a bit hot and claustrophobic for me, I was deeply depressed yesterday, suicidally depressed, though I refuse to let myself attempt suicide, sometimes the memories and flashbacks overwhelm me and I just want to die.
Anyway, I chatted with the staff at outreach, and my pal in the kitchen was overwhelming me with tea and explaining to the volunteer who he was training that 'they have to look after me' because I am a 'star', haha, he told them how he came to soup kitchen to stop the guys from hassling me one time when I was stressed. He is nice, so he is entitled to his macho talk.

Anyway, because I have already had a bath and I had some toast and tea, and I can't really talk to the staff, so I wander off.
My church is still having a long-drawn-out evening service, so I go and join in, after the service I end up talking to a few people, two of the shy young men come and chat just generally, catching up, and then one of the other young men comes to talk to me, and he is good to talk to because he isn't too shy or embarrassed, he is quite good at conversation, whereas the others struggle because I am not good at conversation, this chap makes conversation so easy and it helps to cheer me up.
Then two girls, one a friend and who I haven't met before come and talk to me, this also cheers me up. It is nice to know such nice people and just talk, it distracts me, hearing about other people's lives and just making conversation.

Then it is time for me to sort out my bedding, it is getting late, I have to go to the cash point, get money, and get change, then I can open the locker and get my bedding, I am so tired, I get the tram part way, it is raining lightly, has been for hours but it was supposed to stop earlier.
So I get my polystyrene and bed down, and sleep, I sleep all night and wake in the dark thinking I have woken too early again but am relieved to see that I have woken only three minutes before my alarm clock.

I stash the bedding, I almost accidentally stashed it down the badger's sett, I think the badgers would like a soft duvet but I realise in time and grab it back. I am taking a risk stashing anything because it can go missing here.

I walk into town, it is a bright, mild morning, I get a bagel and a cup of tea with my stickers, read the Metro, have a wash, shuttle up and down on the free bus and then here I am.

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