Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Thursday Night

Good evening,
I am getting a lot of stats, are you waiting for an update?

well last night it was hard to settle to sleep. Eventually I did, had dreams, including a nightmare, woke all groggy and upset, did breakfast and shower very slowly.
I was asked why I have to hide from the Diocese, 'sobviousinnit?

eventually I managed to drag myself away from the computer, and I had a journey to make and lots to do, saw another rainbow.
I am not designed for interaction, and I found the day exhausting and not very productive, the depression is not helping.

The problem with being in a house is that I feel frightened and insecure and afraid of the diocese and police, I struggle to settle to sleep at night because I am so anxious, and I know sleep and semi-sleep is the time I suffer most and cannot dissociate, so at night I take herbal tablets that cause grogginess in the morning, and in the day I take 5-HTP to try and combat the house-related depression, I also need eye drops and moisturizer because houses are so dry.
If I was outdoors, as soon as I found somewhere hidden to sleep, I would feel better, this depression would lift and I would be sleeping well after a week to adjust, it would be such a relief.
The other problem with indoors is that outdoors kept my spine happy most of the time, and increasingly where that benign tumour on my back is, it hurts and aches and sometimes affects the way I walk, I think it doesn't like indoors and beds, and I think it may be pressing a bit on my spine or a nerve. It has moved a bit so it is more on my spine, or maybe it has grown a little bit.
I cannot risk being traced again by the police and diocese, and the diocese has made my relationship with doctors very difficult, so at the moment I will leave it, it is benign but just a slight nuisance these days.

Anyway, I came home an hour ago and am drinking tea, listening to classical music and already drugged by the herbal stuff, someone has been encouraging me to take chamomile tea at bed time, but it tastes like weeds and I do not like it and I think it is triggering more vivid dreams. Also I am not sure if it is safe with herbal sleep tablets.

The weather is very wet and windy.

I keep thinking I will burst into poetry, as I do when depressed, I used to warn the readers of the 'homeless' (offline) blog when I was about to get poetic :)

Not much else to tell you, I have done the houshold chores and eaten meals as usual, all very boring.

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