Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Hi Bloggypeeps,
you seem to be reading avidly, what would you like me to tell you? Sorry I am not doing my regular updates in detail at the moment.

Well, yesterday I scrambled into town late and tense and went for a volunteers interview.
(late because the stupid buses here never run on time).

I was having the screaming horrors about the interview because I didn't know how I was going to explain myself and my life, but it was ok.
I filled in forms and had a chat with a lady who went through a vast wealth of opportunities, to make a long story short, I was working half of yesterday in a nature reserve, with plenty more work where that came from. Think about that, not only am I back to my old beloved work, but it is on my terms, no pressure and I am a volunteer again! Those of you who know me and my story will know how I loved my volunteer work which I used to fit round my 'real' work, and how devastated I was about losing that part of my life.
There are plenty more opportunities of volunteering, and even my old stewarding and marshalling at events jobs, though I have to be more careful about those because of my health and state of mind. But I could almost be a full time volunteer if I wanted to.
The side effect of working again so far is pain in my legs and feet, stiffness and hobbling, hopefully it will wear off as I continue.
I almost worked today, but there weren't enough people onsite today, so I will do saturday.

Today I caught some trains and ended up some miles away, went to the daycentre in this new town, drank tea, got talking to a man who is most probably schitzophrenic and reminded me of a cross between my old 'friend' Carl and my old friend 'P'. He took me to a church that was doing homeless lunch, and there we had spam sandwiches and tea, people gathered round and talked, as they do, and then I escaped as the guy I met was a bit clingy and I was getting worried because he was obviously a lonely man, he kept on about trust and asking if he could trust me, he told me lots of girls had used him, and I do believe him, he is vulnerable and confused and hurt, but I am not fit for a relationship and neither is he, he said what M. used to say about me, that he liked me because I was one of the only girls he met who wasn't on drugs or an alcoholic.

Anyway, I had a wander around the town and looked at potential sleeping places and bedding. I like this town and I was so tempted to sleep rough here, I wanted to run away from home. But I was so tired and unsure of myself, so I texted my friend in sattelite town and explained how I was feeling, he said they would prefer me to come back or they would be concerned, I do not want them concerned, and I was so tired, so I came back, there is a full house here again, but I am glad to be back and sleep in my soft duvet in their conservatory, I feel tired and sick and shivery, my right hand keeps on and on twitching, maybe because of physio on my neck and shoulder, not sure if it is a memory of the spasms I got in the past, but basically who cares. I am tired.

It is my friends' official anniversary today, so they have nice cards, and yes I remembered.
It is cold and I feel tired, the flashbacks have been an endless stream and there have been some tears as well. :(
Ok bloggies, I need to stop the emotions and look at tucking down, I could have slept hours ago and I think I could do a marathon sleep now.

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