This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Good morning bloggys,

I didn't chatter to you yesterday because I was busy and I was tired.

yesterday after all the cold and wet weather it was hot sunshine, and I was working.

I got to work and went through the usual confusion of getting through locked gates.
And I worked, and I got things done, again.
And At 1.30pm I left a work experience student finishing off the painting that will make the area I worked in perfect.
And off I staggered, exhausted, to the Benefits office, to meet with the man who deals with disabled workers.
The man had forgotten most of what we had said at the last meeting, but he remembered that I wanted to work, and he had enquired about supported employment on a farm for me, and he was waiting to hear back, and he asked how I had got on with finding volunteer work, he was impressed with what I told him and that I had been working on this hot day, he got me a drink of water, he asked what had happened about psychological help, I told him I had been referred to special needs.
And basically that was it, I see him again in a month unless he arranges some supported employment in the meantime.

I was so tired and I could hardly walk after that, so I staggered to the bus stop and home to my friends' house, I had a cold shower and tried to rest, my face was burning from the sun, I was all over hot and my skin was all swelled up and everything hurt, then their friend, the big loud one turned up and so I didn't get to rest, there is nowhere peaceful in the house when he is there, so in the end I went out and went into town and spent the evening sitting on a wall and reading a book.
I went to soup kitchen, more to see who was there than anything else. None of my gang were there.

I thought of waiting for the late night outreach and getting a sleeping bag and staying out, it was so tempting, but I was tired and stiff and not sure I was in a fit state to suddenly sleep out, I hadn't got to sleep until 2am the previous night, and my head and neck and legs were painful and I was dizzy, and I didn't want to cause my friend any concern by staying out. So eventually I went back to my friends' house.

I got back there at about 9am but I was barely awake and not very coherent or competent, so I lay down in the conservatory and slept, woke at 2am needing the loo, worried that the terrors would get me before I slept, but it didn't get too bad. I slept and woke when my friend brought me a cup of tea this morning.

And I have spent the morning sitting dozily here, not groggy just slow, I didn't need anything to help me sleep last night.
I have also cleaned all of downstairs and the kitchen and folded the laundry, and had a shower. I am a tad worried that I had upset insides without noticing again, this is bad and upsetting. I am supposed to be waiting for a friend to come over and talk with me.

I realise I have a choice of going to chavtown for the weekend or staying here and stewarding at a local festival. I used to do so much stewarding and marshalling, but I am not sure I am completely fit to do it now. My legs barely stand up to the work on the nature reserve. The man at the benefit office asked about that yesterday and I told him it was killing my legs but that I wanted to do it so never mind the legs.

Yesterday evening I had a text from the boss at the nature reserve, he was very enthusiastic about the work I had done. I am quite bowled over to have a text enthusing about my work as I am not work fit and I work slowly at the moment, and it is rare to have a boss who texts and says he is happy with your work!

I had a text this morning from my friend in chavtown, she was telling me that there is a quiz on Friday if I was thinking of coming home, hehe, I was going to go on monday for my walking help, but maybe I can make it a long weekend, I will miss working the weekend and I will miss the steam trains, but hell I can help with the quiz and see my old friends again!

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