Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Thursday

Good morning peeps,

I feel like I should be tying up loose ends and getting things done before deadlines, but I can't remember what.
Tomorrow is most of the deadline I think. Just a question of moving and arranging things for Christmas.

I haven't done much this morning,  I stayed up late to watch Titanic and I am tired, I shouldn't stay up late even in the holidays because it can trigger a relapse.
I am not too depressed but I have spiked my coffee with 5HTP, I tip the powder out into the coffee powder and it is a lot less problematic than swallowing capsules.

Mel and Joey is on, the pregnancy test episode. The best one!

Yesterday I got my washing done and got my haircut, going through the motions of everyday necessary stuff. The hairdresser straightened my hair, it looked great but it only stays straight for a few days! If I was any other woman I would buy hair straighteners, but right now trying to put food on the table and get clean clothes is hard enough, that haircut was the first in 6 months and my hair really was awful. Like so thick and matted it was becoming a health hazard, it grows like that.

Yesterday evening I got on with sorting the flat out, And as I said, Titanic was on and I should not have stayed up and watched it.

I am very grateful for all the downloading of my books and the positive feedback, anyone who wants to add to the ratings and reviews, I would be grateful. The only problem is, a lot of the downloads or sales  are from Amazon and it can take months for them to show on my sales charts and revenue! So far Amazon are taking their time and I know quite a few books have been sold but I can't do anything because I don't know the stats. Frustrating.

It is a cold clear and sunny day, how nice.

I feel very confused about being on holiday already. I may go and do a few hours tomorrow as I don't even have money for things I need, let alone the rents for this flat and the new place, which cross over because one is monthly and the other weekly. I have nothing for Christmas apart from some gifts, no food. And because I work and the food banks are going to be swamped and I have no idea how to get a ticket and don't think I qualify and can't cope with the bloody evangelicals anyway, I won't try to get foodbank.

Anyone who thinks I am a successful author, the royalties are still pitiful, paid once a month if I sell enough and I can't afford to market the books so growth is slow, and as I said, a lot of the sales are on Amazon and they are simply not being transferred to my account at the moment. So yeah, I have nothing. I put a deposit on the new place and I have to pay for my lockup where my things are being stored so that I can move gradually without collapsing. I am completely alone and trying to balance everything is hard.
Was I moaning? :)

Oh the sea has been wonderful in the wind but Max gets a mucky windscreen from sitting watching it.






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