Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Sunday, 15 November 2015

What can I do?

What can I do 
when I blame myself
and others probably do too?

Was I supposed to say
don't waste your life fighting for me
just enjoy your retirement?

Was I supposed to shut up
when everything hurt 
too much to bear?
Yes

What can I do now?
Pray?
sit in the Samaritans 
in a gibbering heap
and feel sorry

for you,
your family
and myself?

I feel lost 
and useless
and the questions
what now? What now?
Keep coming. 

I never felt more alone
So I will pray that you
recover
and spend the rest of your retirement
with your family, in peace.
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