Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 27 May 2016

Hurting

The other night I dreamed about you.
Not in any inappropriate way.
I dreamed that you were well and strong.
You could speak.
In my dream you were talking, in the dream you talked like you talked.
You didn't stop for a breath or to let me speak unless I reminded you to.

In the dream I didn't want to let you go, just wanted you to be there, talking to me.
You were wearing a blue shirt, because that is the only memory I have of you,
apart from when you were in the awful hospital clothes.
In the dream you told me about Jersey and your family and a boat.
I didn't mind what you talked about,
all that mattered to me was that you were well and you could speak.

Then I woke up and I cried.

Trying to live with what happened to you,
with no-one to turn to is killing me
I will never forgive myself
and I feel so helpless.
Because I can't do anything to help you.
and it is only a matter of time before the same happens to me.



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