Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Monday, 16 April 2012

morning bloggypeeps, I don't know about good.

Flashbacks, terrible, sadness overwhelming, and as for the dreams, they are the most heartbreaking.

I dreamed I was little again, that I was with my dad and siblings and dad was harshly teaching us, I escaped from the teaching group and walked home to Hometown, the sadness got worse and worse, all the shame and unfairness was very real, I ended up in one of the churches in hometown, but for some reason I kept ending up in the creche while the congregation were outside like a pack of scary wolves, the babies in the creche were nice and happy and playing cheerfully, but I was scared to go out of the creche.

Eventually I went out of the creche, someone was looking for my brother who was having an alcohol break during the church service, but I was meant to sing, but the song was too sad so I couldn't sing it, instead I walked away sad and ashamed.
I wanted to go to roughtown but I couldn't because of the shame, the priest who supported my abusers is the main priest in roughtown now in real life and I would never go there, I was too ashamed to go there in my dream as well, but my heart was breaking to be in County A and the shame and exclusion and rejection were washing over me.

Thankfully I woke up, but the dream really upset me.

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