Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Monday, 10 February 2014

Monday Afternoon

Good afternoon.
Well, I did curry and rice at lunchtime, and I was so tired from being up at 3.30am that I had a sleep this afternoon, it was a cold, shallow sleep, and I had sad dreams about my family.
I know those dreams are like an expression of the solitude of my adult life after all those years in a noisy crowded pack, but they still happen. I wouldn't go back, even if that noisy crowded pack still existed instead of being split and disbanded and troubled as they are.

Anyway, I woke shivering and aching, knowing I have to do something about my bed as I am not sleeping comfortably or relaxing, I naturally sleep on my back, and on this bed I can't sleep comfortably like that, so I keep rolling over onto my side, which isn't comfortable.

I got up and it was 4pm, so I did a water bottle and put my thermal vest on, and got a cuppa and put the kiddies programmes on.
I don't normally sleep during the day or put the television on until the kiddies programmes come on.
I am so worried about things.
This isn't for delicate ears, but I am stressed, I am still no angel, autistic and messed, up, I get stressed, this is a reality and I know the CofE love it when I say angry and wierd things because it proves their point but,
I have heard so much bullshit today that I wondered if I was back on the farm!

Anyway, warmed up and with tea, I am sitting here, wondering what next, I still find indoors so empty and pointless.
I am trying so hard with strategy to help myself and it is making me so tired, it is all paperwork and conversation and changes and it all stresses me a lot.

I am also having trouble with my back where the lump is, and pain running down my leg a bit, hopeful to have a phys assessment next week.

I could murder a peanut butter sandwich, but I might eat one instead, if I can find peanut butter. Murder is very wrong.

Oh well, welcome back Guernsey, missed you, been skiing have you?

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