Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Tuesday 1am

Yes, well, we are not having such a good night.
The flashbacks, nightmares and depression associated with indoors, along with anxiety and fear of the diocese and their police, have been building rapidly, and tonight, woken by innocent harmless noise as I was falling asleep, I freaked out, grabbed blankets, fled the house into the lovely big dark safe outdoors, I was deeply longing to just go out into the night and sleep in some quiet corner.
But that is not quite how life works, so after sitting in McD's with dreadful emotions raining down on me and feeling very ashamed at my reaction, I came back, I think I have caused a bit of a stir here by fleeing, and it needs to be sorted out in the morning.
I long for the deep peace and safety of the streets, but life can't always be what we want, I may have to return to the streets if we can't work this out, I am so scared of noise indoors at night and people, so terrified, that it is going to be hard to keep me indoors. :(
If only therapy brought quicker results and if only I could afford my therapy :(
I have sent the SOS out to my friends for tomorrow, and we will just have to see what we can do.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and hope your friends can help.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Emma, thank you for your comment, yes, I met with friends today and chatted with them, I am probably going to stay over with them to see if we can get me to calm down a bit.

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