This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Friday, 30 September 2016

Coming Home

We are on 'El Paso' again, you may recognize it as one of  my 'visiting Jersey' themes

My love is stronger than my fear of death

everything's gone in life, nothing is left

It doesn't just relate to Jersey any more.

I don't know if I documented it on the blog but I made a decision a few years ago.

I was looking at the Eastern Hills, they run North to South and are lighter green than the Great Hills. I was looking at the Eastern Hills and thinking.

I took a great risk in leaving the streets and trying to settle.
But I took that risk because I hoped that the focus on the Church of England and the public knowledge of their failures albeit distorted by pathetic reports and press releases, would stop them from coming after me and destroying me again.
Sadly I misjudged that, and they have never stopped destroying me.

But I made a decision to settle and to love my home. And that decision to love was a very difficult one. I have reactive attachment disorder but that affects my attachment to people more than places, but having had my life in Jersey violently ended and then being driven from my lifelong friends and community in Winchester and left on the run with Jane Fisher pursuing me through the authorities with slander, feeling safe staying in one place is almost impossible,
 But despite the persistence of the Church in harming me, I made up my mind to love this place and settle, in the full knowledge that the love and security would, without any doubt, eventually be destroyed by the church and their associated authorities that they control.

In my situation, love and settling here has made me vulnerable and enabled further harm to me, and in the end, the inevitable police tracing and police attacks started.

But I chose to love this place in full knowledge that that would happen.
Why? Because I didn't want to go on being rootless and I wanted what time I could have here before the attacks started. I wanted what time I could have here, and it was a fair and honest choice.
It is one time in my life when I weighed the odds, saw that they were against me and decided to love despite the odds. It was a significant decision for me, and although it has led to me being open to attack, I don't regret it.

 Fisher drove me out of the churches here with slander and humiliation as she did in Jersey and Winchester, but that was no great loss, because I already knew better than to believe in churches and life has been much better and more productive without them, I love being a real person rather than someone that the church patronizes and looks down on and tries to control.

I wanted to be here, my love is a vague feeling, because my emotions and ability to feel are shattered by what has happened to me. But I love this place, because I choose to. It is a conscious love and maybe manufactured, but with willingness, still genuine love.

I chose to love this place for as long as I was allowed to. I loved Jersey dearly for three years and I still do, and this place isn't a replacement for Jersey, it is totally different, but it is my home.
And I am too tired and ill to go on the run and sleep rough, so now the attacks have started, I will stay and I guess I will die here. I don't mind this being where I die, it aint half bad ere, which is why I chose it. A few of you will know or remember the story of how I chose my home or it chose me.
'The Girl and the Island'?  Back then love was out of the question, a dangerous and horrifying idea.

The Girl and the Island is a true story apart from the mentions of 'Peter' which were happily distorted, and a slight timescale warp with the dream.

El Paso

My love is stronger than my fear of death

And remember peeps, when they kill me, I have suffered too much to ever recover or have a normal life, it will be a relief to stop struggling. And I guess if I die here I die having come home?

No land ever claimed me
though far I did roam
For it's here that my heart lies
and I have come home!

And finally.

I am Bob Hill
I will fight until I fall
With Courage

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