Monday Evening 2

Well I put the washing on and went for a walk, came home, put the washing out.
A breezy clear evening with the sea roaring in the wind, lovely.
I wondered what it would be like to be sleeping outside, looking at the stars.
If this nightmare with the diocese and the tinpot island doesn't end soon,
I will likely end up as a rough sleeper to save my life again,
or I will end up dead.
Something has to give,
and there is only one of me and I am weak and beaten,
and those who have destroyed me and are destroying me,
are are undented and undentable,
unless there is a God of Justice and Truth,
and if so, I pray to Him, in Jesus Name,
for release from the destroying diocese and island.
Amen

I am just watching the end of 'Once More with Feeling'
and then it is bed time,
to wake with dread to another day of being destroyed.

Monday Evening

Good evening,
I thought I had posted something this morning but I can't see a post there.
I slept well last night, woke up too hot as usual, used the last of the butter for breakfast toast, washed, dressed, sat here most of the day apart from basic kitchen cleaning,
did lentil soup from the emergency tins but it smelled like turps and tasted a bit like turps and the bread was butterless and a bit unappetizing.
I went for a walk and sat on the wall, watching the sea, made myself walk in the tide but didn't feel like it.
Some people were fishing from my bit of wall and in my bit of tide anyway, so it was all boring.

I came home and did fish and rice, the old fallback, I had one tin of tuna and one tin of salmon left, so I chose salmon, cos I am posh.
And I have been drinking coffee with it.

It is warm with sunshine and clouds, boring.

Sunday Evening

Good evening,

Well I tend to get better as the day goes on, so after lunch, I had a bath and watched movies.
I drank way too much tea and coffee and wrote a letter to the so called safeguarding chair,
do chairs read letters? That could be worrying.

Everything is tidy in the flat, so I went for a walk on the beach, the sun and storm clouds made some awesome scenes, I stayed down there a long time, praying and thinking.
Came home and did soup and bread, I am now using emergency rations. I have plenty of UHT so I did a milkshake but I think I am allergic to the milkshake powder, it is a nutrient shake but I think whatever is in powdered milk is also in the shake powder so I got an upset tummy.

I wish and pray that God would release me from the idiots in the diocese and the crackpot island who are destroying me.

Sunday lunchtime

Good lunchtime,
Just updating because the stalkerstat is slavering for news.

Yesterday was a slow day, I didn't go out during the day, I have been very low and despairing and would rather hide.
By afternoon though, I was tidying the flat and watching movies.

In the evening I went out for a walk in the rain, I went to the supermarket with my last 90p, and got reduced sandwiches, 10p a pack, reduced bread, 2 loaves, 10p each, and reduced clementines, 39p a pack.
Came home, used the last real milk on a cuppa, put my earplugs in and slept.

Woke relaxed this morning, not really remembering the busy dreams I had.

Got up, washed, dressed, drank tea with UHT from the emergency crate, went to church and survived it, had a coffee afterwards, came home, ate the 10p sandwiches, and here I am, sitting here. The UHT is not bad, it isn't English UHT, it is from the crate I got from Amazon when I was at the lodging house on the hill, I have plenty to get me through to my next payment, and plenty of teabags, coffee and sugar, my main worries are deodorant and butter and food.

It is a sunny, mild day, but I am not in any mood to go out, some people were swimming in the sea as I walked home from church, but I am tired and unhappy. I have no wish to swim, or see people.

Saturday lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

I am very tired,
It was warm last night and I struggled to sleep.
I dreamed a colourful and vivid dream about Christmas,  woke needing the loo at about 4am, slept again.
I dreamed of prison again, the terror and being trapped, I will never really recover.
I dreamed that I was supposed to go to court and over and over again the prison forgot to take me to court and I was panicking and panicking, because I knew the court were supposed to free me.

I am not sure how long I can go on like this, with the bastard diocese and the nasty little states of Jersey rippinging me mindlessly to shreds for no reason and to no aim.
Why can they not accept that their destroyal of me was supposed to finish with them leaving me homeless destitute and branded?
I am longing to return to the safety of rough sleeping, where I will be beyond these wicked people.

I am in pain and tired, I am in my day chair and I do not want to move or do anything.

Friday evening

Good evening,

Well it hasn't been a good day, neither was yesterday, the high pollen count and the pain in my head and neck are part of it, the diocese and the crackpot states of Jersey are the other part.

Well this morning I was not well, so I sat in my daychair until lunchtime, keeping the tea and painkillers topped up, and at lunchtime I had a bath, which made me feel a bit better, and did homous sandwiches for lunch.

Then I went and watched the sea and took some photographs, and then I went for a bus ride.

I went into town and withdrew the little bit of money I have left and got some food, I am running short of money this week, I desparately need boots or foam pads, but I cannot afford them and walking is so painful.

I came home, it was a horrible bus ride, crowded bus, lorry blocking the road for ages, other bus broken down and all the passengers transferred, a near miss with another bus, etc, so not fun, really having a hard time at the moment, but my friend got off the bus with me and we had a really good chat, he is the only person I have not been angry with in the last few days.

When he went home, I walked by the sea, came home and cooked supper, and then to my horror, when I turned the computer on, the almighty idiots in Jersey had sent me some crap, so I reported them to Jersey police, when I want bailhache's puppets wasting my life, I will let them know.

By 8pm I was in pyjamas and sitting here in bed, as I still am, tired and in pain but to wound up to sleep.

It has been better weather than forecast today, warm with very little rain.

Friday Morning

Good morning,

Groggy, dizzy and in pain.

Yesterday the bad weather set in, and I managed to go for my long delayed bus ride, that kept getting put off because of other things.
I am missing the streets a lot, and bus rides help with that.
I got home, tired and not feeling great, read some of a new book 'The Girl without a voice' by Casey Watson.
And slept.
I dreamed a lot, dreamed of friends and family, and the streets of London, and abuse.
Woke up tired and groggy and dizzy and in pain, and I still am.

Thursday Morning

Good morning,

Well last night I went to Bible Study, as we had fun, as usual, I don't always go, because I cant always go, because of the diocese wasting my life.

I got home, and eventually slept, but I am now awake, 7am after a prison nightmare that has left me shaken.

It is hard to write about, because it brings back what happened, and leaves me very distressed.

I had a kind of nice dream to start with, dreamed I was on a freight ship from Southampton to the Channel Islands, it would take two days to get there, and there was a wonderful sunset, and you could cycle round the deck of the ship.

I can hardly write about the prison nightmare.

I dreamed I was in prison, presumably the same one as the church had me put in, and I kept begging to go home, unlike in real life where I shut down my emotions in order to survive, but anyway, the Bishop's secretary, Joyce was working in the prison in my dream, and she kept just saying 'you can't go home', and she and some other people, who remained shadows without any character, kept repeating 'police statements' which were also the Korris report, back to me, and claiming that I had assaulted and threatened to assault people, and I kept crying out that this was  not true, and I was met with disbelief, I had no voice and no say, much the same as in LaMoye and in the courts in Jersey and Sussex in real life, my side was irrelevant.
But in the end in the dream, I said, how many of you know that the police make up untrue statements, and Joyce put her hand up, I couldn't see what all the other shadowy people did, but Joyce knew in the dream that the police can falsify things.

The dream was a horrifying magnification of how the police and diocese have got away with harming me and covered it up in reports that omit me, and in inaccurate records.
It is not something I will ever recover from properly, and it is not something that has been addressed, because the Diocesan investigation has only been fake and hijacked, they have dragged me back into the past with no justice, no redress and left me voiceless and re-traumatized.
What is most horrifying to me is that Jane Fisher, the woman who engineered my destroyal, is still there to destroy more vulnerable people and has been allowed to influence the Bishop as well as illegally refer me to the NSPCC, which remains contemptible and infuriating.

I am glad I am awake, but the horror of that dream will remain with me all day.

I will go for a litterpick walk now, maybe with the camera, and maybe end up at a beach café.

Wednesday Evening

Good evening,

I had some breakfast and lunch at the drop in and got some writing done and listened to the conversation.

Well I went and had my swim after leaving the drop in, it was 2.30 by the time I left the drop in, and my drop in and beach type friends said they would see me at the beach but I didn't see them while I put my teeshirt and shorts on the wall and had a good long swim, but as I walked back along the tide, they were swimming further down. So I stopped to talk.

Then I came home, put the beach clothes and the rest of the world in the wash, as it starts raining tomorrow evening and I wanted to get a wash dried on the line, so as the washing cooked, I hoovered the floor, washed the kitchen floor, bleached and cleaned things and cooked some macaroni cheese for supper.
Everything is clean and tidy.
I am not OCD, but ok I am a bit obsessive and repetitive with cleaning and putting things in order, it is related to being homeless and losing everything I owned when I had to leave Jersey.
So is not owning much, I am too used to homelessness and too afraid of a repeat of what happened.
Especially as the Diocese now know where I am.

The reason I never mentioned the sea until recently was to continue to protect my location from the diocese.
They know where I am now, but are less inclined to disturb me, because they cannot hide the wrongs as adeptly as they did in 2008-2011 and in the Korris report. And I will smack them in the teeth if they disturb me, my home, community or friends again, and if they do, they are simply being malicious, as before.

I think I will pootle in the direction of Bible Study in about 20 minutes, in the meantime, I will relax with a cuppa.

Wednesday morning

Good morning,
Last night I litterpicked the sea front, there was a lovely sunset and a warm breeze.

well I slept eventually and woke late and groggy,
my dreams were strange, I dreamed I had my old car and was in Dorset, that there was no petrol in the car and I was going to borrow some from the lawnmower can but I couldn't remember if the car was petrol or diesel.
Then my brother and his wife and children were there, and the wife looked pretty and happy, unlike real life, and the children were all going to Disneyland with their grandmother, and they were packing their toys.
Then I woke up, funny dream, especially as I have not been relying in 5HTP for the last few nights.

I have the drop-in, and a swim today and possibly housegroup this evening, I haven't much by way of domestic tasks to do, just a quick hoover and wash the kitchen floor.

I think this is the last day of sunshine, so the beach will have a break for a few days after today.

Tuesday Evening

It was too hot at the drop in, so I came home and got my beach things and had a swim.
I got cross with the grockles for pulling limpets off the wall, cos those are living creatures! :(

I got home and rinsed my aqua shoes and beach clothes and put them out to dry, and I had a good old bath and hair wash.

I have been busy writing, and I did macaroni cheese for supper.
I am now going to have a break and do a litterpick walk.

It was sad news earlier that someone died suddenly, the mother of the people from the drop in who I often see on the beach.
She was in church on Sunday and last week I was sitting on the sea wall with her, telling her about the ships out on the bay.
I think I get more puzzled about death than most people.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,

Last night there was a hornet in my room and it wouldn't go out the window, it buzzed like a little helicopter and in the end I hit it with my stick, because their stings are serious.

I struggled to sleep, and woke late, I had been dreaming about being homeless in London, a church in London, being on an airplane, in quite nice seats. It was funny because in the dream my hand twinged, maybe it did in reality, and I said 'oh, you can still get arthritis pain while you are up on a plane?'
And then I woke up.

It was stiflling hot even with the windows open and I was up late when I had a lot to do.
So I hurriedly dressed and got my things together,

I had to go and drop my library books off, as, thanks to the Diocese, I never have time to read them and just keep renewing them, but I can't go on doing that. So I took a bag of library books to the library, then I went to church coffee morning, I had a card to drop off for someone there, but they weren't there so I left it with someone and had a quick cuppa and chat to be polite.

Then I headed for the drop-in. I had a card for someone there, but they were rushing off as there had been a family crisis.
I am dismayed about the drop in, I was told to bring my phone for repairs but no-one was there due to crisis and work and things.

The drop in was stifling and very busy, no chance of sitting and working. After a while I knew it was better for me to come home where it is cooler, and do myself some lunch here, so I have had a ham sandwich and some juice, and I will have a cuppa and go and get my swim.

Monday Evening

Good evening,
I am very tired.
I think I overdid it with the swimming again.

I had a haircut, I do not like haircuts because it means talking and physical contact, but my hair always gets so scruffy, so it is now lovely and tidy for a few weeks.

I had a good swim, came home, changed, went shopping.

I got groceries and some cards and also new flowers for my room, as the other ones had gone over a bit.

my home is now tidy, and clean, I am very tired.
I rinsed the beach things and aqua shoes and put them all out to dry.

Just watching movies and relaxing, too tired to do any more,

Monday Morning

Good morning,

Well yesterday afternoon I had a swim, I still have to be careful not to overdo the swimming as the buffeting waves can knock my spine. The sea had enough waves to be interesting, I wished I could even boogie board, but that puts a lot of pressure on my spine.
When I got home I had a bath and washed my hair, and went to church.

Church was good, good worship, good preaching, good tea and cakes.

Then I came home, did odds and ends for supper, and launched the police blog

 http://policemisconductpublic.blogspot.co.uk/

At bed time it was very hard to sleep, but I slept eventually and dreamed peaceful happy dreams, for the second time in a row! :)

I woke at 7am, and eventually got up.

I intend to wash, dress, and go litterpicking,
l am experimenting to see what a daily litter pick does to my spine, hmm, we shall see.

Well, I washed, dressed and litterpicked, I litterpicked the tide line and walked barefoot in the tide as I did. Then I barefoot litterpicked the seafront, how norty.
It took energy, but I think, a bit at a time, I will get better, unless the diocese destroy me first.

Then I came home to peanut butter on toast.

My handwashed beach stuff is still drying on the line, it is already very hot outdoors, the landlady and another tenant were working in the garden, there is a large crop of rasperries looking too tempting.

Sunday lunchtime

Sunday posts get the highest viewings, I think because people are curious about my church attendance.

Sorry to dissapoint you, but although I slept a good deep night's sleep, I woke ill, dizzy, groggy, headachy, slept too deep maybe, and so I didn't go to church as planned, I always look forward to church in the morning but often miss it due to tiredness and illness.
I will go to church this evening, no doubt.

I have been sitting writing, but couldn't get far with the Jersey story as the distress was too deep.

I have got the washing in, never realised until today that the neighbours have an aviary, we have a lovely garden, I rarely spend time out there, I should, I should be doing BBQs out there and on the beach, but the church of england, as ever, are stealing my life.

It is another hot day, and the weather will remain hot for most of the week, with rain forecast for Thursday.

I guess I had better put my swim things on and head for the beach for a while.

Sunday evening

Well, I had a bath, put the beach things in the wash, and headed out, I had a trip to do some photography, and that went well, came home, hung the washing out, washed my aqua shoes under the garden tap and left them out to dry.
I did chicken and salad and pizza and dip for supper, and watched movies.
If only I could be free from the diocese and their harm, I could live like this forever.

I am not walking well, and I have not been breathing well, because for the first time since March, I ran out of antihistamines and have been without them all week, and it has started to affect my breathing, thankfully I am back on the necessary evils, and antihitamines are one drug that do not make me ill.

Saturday afternoon

oops, I posted this on the other blog, scattyme! :)

Well I didn't sleep last night, instead I went back to Jersey.
Only in the blog! :)
I worked my way to 2010, although I still have 10 months of Jersey to do.
And, as you may have realised, what I am doing is producing a background timeline based on where I lived in Jersey, then we 'put the flesh on the bones' so to speak, and you will have my full story before long.
You have my childhood to age 21 in the pages section of the other blog, you also have the 'lets go back' posts that describe my life in depth from leaving my family to going to Jersey. And you have an increasing picture of my life in Jersey, then you have the homeless in Winchester posts, and after Winchester posts, and then you have this blog, which goes back to October 2011. So we have nearly produced the full story, just got to 'flesh out the bones' as the lady in London said.

So, at 6am this morning, I stopped work and walked down to the Great Ship Bay.
I wished I had my camera, it was so beautiful.
The sea was mirror calm in the early sunlight, with waves breaking only on the shore, the Great Hill was vivid dark green against a pale blue sky, and the cargo ships were peacefully drifting out on the bay. Beautiful, I must get another view like that for my camera, I take pictures of the bay at diffrent times and in different weathers, it is amazing how it can change.

Anyway, my plan was to do grocery and clothes shopping, but funnily enough, when i got home, my alarm clock went off at about 7am, and after a night without sleep, I turned the alarm off, got into bed, and slept.

I woke at 11am and did odds and ends, eventually went clothes shopping, got trousers, crops and tee shirts, my wardrobe of clothes is so poor.

I came home, got into swimsuit, shorts and teeshirt and went to the beach for a swim, I wished I had my camera again, to get pictures of the boats, back here I am typing while still in swimsuit, I need to have a bath, change and go shopping.

Saturday 2am

Well this week I stopped sleeping properly, and have not been able to sleep well, so here I am at 2am,
a lot of drunk people are awake and shouting in the road, but they can sleep it off, for me this is going to ruin the weekend.
So basically I will have to work through the night because I will be wrecked tomorrow and the waking up at 10am is such a disgusting habit, it leaves me depressed, I must get my sleeping back in order, I took the top dose of 5HTP tonight and I was dazed for a few minutes and then wide awake,

Friday Evening

Good evening,
Well it has been a warm sunny day with a cool breeze.
I had a slow start this morning but eventually, after quite a bit of writing, I wandered to the shop for some food.
My friend was on his was home from town and stopped for a chat.

I came home and did a meal, and then went to the beach, met the same friend again, chatted, went to the beach, walked in the tide, it was glorious down there, the beach was nearly empty because most of the world is silly and got drunk because of football.
The tide was in, the sea was slightly rough, beautifully clear and warm. and lots of good ships were out, to make up for yesterday.
Some people from church were on the beach, and they shouted me over, so I said hello. One of them had a swim, and I wished I had had my swim costume on, I seriously considered it, but while the diocese are destroying me, I don't have time for a swim.

Thursday Evening

Good evening,
Well I had a daycentre day and lunch,
it was so hot today, hot everywhere, someone fainted at the daycentre.

on the way home I went to the shops, stopped to chat to the neighbour, he was in a good mood and we had a good chat, it is nice that here is the old community and people say good morning and hello and stop to chat, like last night on my walk, my friend shouted me over and we just stood and talked.

Anyway, the flat was hot earlier but it is cool and airy and sweet smelling now.
I have had a walk down to the bay, I sat on the wall but the only ships are boring coasters, the foghorns were going this morning as it was misty, not a very sunny day but very hot, humid and the air was heavy, cooler now.

I am struggling to walk, very slow and painful, new foam pads, even new boots, would help.
I am unhappy that I am getting more and more unfit and overweight, but I can't do anything, and I can't defend myself against the Diocese and look after myself and my health, or even enjoy life, all I can do is wait to be destroyed and try to prevent it.

Lots of people are watching football, the idea is, if the team wins, people get drunk to celebrate, and if the team loses, people get drunk to console themselves, and a lot of money is involved, it means the beach is quiet but tonight I will have to close the window or drunken shouting will keep me awake.

Thursday Morning

Good morning,
I am at the daycentre.
We are all talking and being on laptops and things.

I got a book in the Post this morning, it is called 'Churches that abuse'.

The says at the beginning, that he did not feel good writing a book criticizing 'fellow Christians'.
Which is the great barrier, because people call themselves Christians and feel that no one has the right to 'judge'. It gives wrongdoers in the church immunity.

People like Jane Fisher and people in the Deanery of Jersey do as they please and feel that they are above reproach, and yet they publicly and to strangers, judge and condemn me.

Anyway, it is a hot summer day, and I am losing my summer on the beach thanks to the Diocese of Winchester and their harassment of me.

I am struggling to sleep at night and that makes it hard to wake in the morning.

Wednesday Morning

Good morning,

I am sitting in the daycentre as lunch is being prepared, it is very quiet here, but my befriender was here earlier and chatted to me.

I am trying to focus on blog work, but I am a bit tired and clumsy today.
I didn't wake until 10am, I couldn't believe it! I thought the clock had stopped, until I looked at the other clock.
And I was only wakened by workmen digging the road up, I think they were workmen, no workladies :)

So, I washed and dressed and got the linens off the line and drank tea and came here for my usual whatever, I have had several huge mugs of coffee.

Tuesday evening

Good evening,
The blog stats have massively and mysteriously shot up recently.

Well, I struggled with sleep last night and woke this morning barely able to walk as well,
my upper spine is out of place again, my lower spine is bad, my knee is bad. Blah!

The upper spine is the painful thing though.

Anyway, so not well, went through the motions of routine, and then headed for the daycentre for a pleasant few hours. Felt a bit better for that but reluctant to leave at the end.

Got home and basically did a deep clean and tidy of the place and washed the bed linens and hung them out, put myself in the bath too.

My phone broke completely, it was an old phone, this impacts on my internet access, so I am not online so much since the phone broke yesterday.

Someone from london shrieked in horror about my blog and contacted the diocese about it.
Haha.
The blog is certainly picking up new readers.

Monday evening

Good evening,
It is hard to blog at the moment as I have been tired and in pain a lot.

I logged in for a quick update and was encouraged by a kind little message on Friday evening's blog :)

Today I have been drifting, the usual walk, some form of food, got the washing dried, basically kind of just alive, my friends weren't doing any activities today, no bowling, swimming or anything, so I have just drifted.
I am tired, and yet, wont sleep well, it is cooler now but I do not sleep deeply at the moment.

Monday morning

Good morning,
please excuse the lack of blog,
I have been unwell generally and not in routine, as I sleep when I should be awake and am awake when I need to sleep.
Life is food, sleep, and a walk in the tide here and there.

I was at a lovely party on Saturday but was too ill to enjoy it fully,
and yesterday I went to church because I wanted to see everyone but was not sure how I would survive church, so I went and had a joyful greeting and a natter before church, and I sat on my wall to listen to the service, and then someone else came out of church upset, and I asked them if they were scared of church like me, but they had been upset by something someone said, so I sat on the wall with them and we listened to church and talked and prayed.
So, being on the wall for church was ok.

Not much else to tell except that I am not well. I can't really do anything about the rapidly deteriorating life and health while the diocese of winchester are constructively murdering me

Friday Evening

Good evening,
Please excuse the lack of blog, I have been a bit busy.

Yesterday I was at the drop-in and stayed there for some hours, had a good lunch there.
Then I walked in the tide, and then I was writing.
Much the same today, but the heat is getting to me, it gives me headache when my brain swells so I need asperin and a bit of shade.
I am doing a lot of writing on the other blog.

Wednesday

Good evening,

I am tired and sleepy and quite achy.

I had trouble getting to sleep again because of the heat last night, I need a fan.

My alarm went off at 4am so I got up and did some work, and had a bath and washed my hair.

Then I headed for the beach to make the most of the beach hut for the day.

It was mild and cloudy to start with, and then cleared to a sunny day, I sat in our outside the hut drinking tea or coke, and had a few walks in the tide.

At lunchtime I went up to the drop-in for lunch and laughter, and after lunch I swam in the sea, and got a bit carried away with playing in the sea, I am only supposed to do things like that for 10 minutes at a time, and I was rather longer than that, and the strain on my spine from the buffeting waves and holding my head abover water was too much, so I am starting to really suffer now, and the tension from that and the heat of the sun means I feel rather ill now.
Nonetheless, I stayed down at the beach until 5pm, came home and did pizza and salad with dip, put the beach stuff in the wash, and then dozed off for an hour.

The washing has just finished and I had better wash myself and put the washing out.

Tuesday Evening

Good evening,
I am very tired and unable to do much.
I went to the drop-in, and ended up working, writing, for a long time, along with my other computer using friends, some people were doing craft, some were playing games, and my friend laughed and said it was so quiet in the room he could hear a pin drop.

We had a sandwich lunch, then I did a bit of shopping for essentials and then I went to walk in the tide, walking in the tide is one of my tasks while I am unwell and not mobile, it is something I have to do to help myself.

I got a beach hut key and sat outside the beach hut and sunbathed a bit, got bored, came home.
Tomorrow I will spend most of the day down there, to try and get me to relax and be outside in the open, which I am scared of.
It wont take away the terror of the diocese and their impending destroyal of me.

I am very tired, I think bath and early night tonight, sleepy.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning,
Well last night I did a lot of writing, as you can see.
It was hard to sleep, very hot and I was all lively from writing.
I was also watching Bruce Almighty as I wrote. Haha, I liked the bees.

I am awake all sleepy, but I had one hell of a nightmare.

I dreamed I was in court, and the court simply could not or would not explain a thing to me, over and over again I tried to tell them I didn't mean to be bad and had been hurting and reacted, but no-one could hear me,  and they tried to make me go into court and I wouldn't because I didn't understand, and so I walked away and they said it didn't matter because it was the initial hearing and I had to be there for sentencing,
so I went away and walked and saw the police and thought they would get me and I was a fugitive and I was bad, so I went back to the court, and the clerk was speaking to me over some screaming children and I couldn't hear a word and the people at the desk wouldn't help and I was confused and I said I would go again and then I wouldn't know if I was mean to be in prison or fined or what, so I did.
Then the dream was about my old landlady and her family, they were on the beach and one of them had become a mormon (not a freemason, oh good), they included me in the family as they used to, but I knew in my dream I was not who I used to be, so I wandered off.
Then I got a message from Bob Hill in my dream, saying that I deserved misery.

Dreams are a good way of  continuing the flogging that the Church of England normally eagerly provide.

I am sitting in my daychair in pyjamas, I need to get my cuppa, wash, and sort myself out and go to the drop-in.

Monday Evening

Breathing a sigh of relief as another day passes without incident and wondering what will happen tomorrow, will that be the Day the Diocese Destroy Me?

Today I did as I do, did the cleaning, sat and wrote, procrastinated, and by the time I had nipped into town for groceries and to see the jobcentre, I got back and the glorious sunshine had gone, this always happens, I procrastinate and am reluctant to face the world, and by the time I put my shorts on, to go and walk in the tide, the sun has gone.

I was startled by my friends who were down at the beach for a swim, and they came to talk to me.

I had fish pie and carrots for lunch and a bit of pizza with salad for supper, healthy.
And I have been writing.

If only the Diocese would simply go away and let me keep this life, I would be happy forever, but I have a feeling that, as is their habit, they will tragically destroy all of this, as they have repeatedly done, I guess their hijacked and inaccurate report will be the end of what I have worked so hard to build here, if they don't destroy me in other ways such as police attacks, defamation in the press, etc etc, as they do.

Questions

I thought I would answer on here, did I go back to sleeping rough? No I am not really well enough, but my tenancy is in increasing danger as the Diocese continue to be a big threat.

Sunday Evening

I have been asked to return to blogging.
Er, why?

Dunno. Here I am, blogging.

I wasn't well and I didn't think I would be here sitting in my day-chair, blogging, and thinking how skimmed milk is not much fun. I could use it for milkshake.

Today I went to church, I didn't enjoy it, I don't make any pretence of enjoying church when I don't, it just dragged, so by the end I was just wanting to escape, which is sad as there was a church lunch, but I have learned the hard way, that if I tense up, if I am having flashbacks, if I am silently screaming to escape, it's best if I do.
I had plenty of food at home anyway, and so I did food, tidied up, went for a short walk. Had a bath.

It's a pity about church, last week we had a lovely time, 3 baptisms, two in the morning, one in the afternoon, but today was tedious, which is a pity as it is Pentecost.

The flat is tidy, I have food, and flowers :) and I am creakily pottering about. Nice messages from people asking if they can help.

Still not keen on writing because the pressure as I wait to be destroyed makes it all worthless.