Thursday evening poetry

Vic:

you are on the steps among the gangs

laughing, ruffling hair, mock fighting

always smiling, always cheeky

happy, amazingly so,

when you see me, you come over,

grinning, cheeky,

Vic, my brother,

and so we walk and talk

you tell me all about it

and it is never boring,

no it's amazing your life,

considering,

I remember you telling me

about your dad,

and I remember

something else

when the stormy weather came

you and I slept side by side in the grime and squalor,

safe and chaste,

brother and sister

You are a shining light, brother,

stay safe and live with joy as you do

I would say you are amazing

but you already know that.

Thursday evening poetry

M:
never has a night seemed so lonely
never so devoid of hope

than when I started my onward journey
alone and away from from you

the tears still fall unbidden
and I still turn back to try and find you

but no answer ever comes
and so I walk on alone

Thursday evening poetry

JJ, F, D,D and S and all the gang, in longing memory and yen for reunion, oh how can we not go back?

Child:

The stars are shining
as she peacefully sleeps
like a child in her mother's arms
home, safe nurtured, unaware of the horrors to come

wrapped in blankets on the ground
out under the starry sky
the safest place on earth
close to you, like a child in her mother's arms

lying on the ground, breathing the cold night air
and looking at the shimmering diamond sky
happy, safe, loved, peaceful
as she sleeps in your arms 

alone on the ground, wrapped in blankets
and wrapped safe in your love and acceptance
in the silent night the small creatures run and the owl hoots
but she sleeps like a child in your arms, safe, peaceful, happy

the dawn comes and she wakes,
peaceful in the cold early dawn
to light the stove, wash, stash the blankets
and wait another day to sleep, safe under your loving care

oh if only she could go back, be a child in your arms again
those dark nights of safety and love
sleeping safe in your arms forever in an endless love and care, 
it's true in every way, she found paradise there

Thursday Night poetry

Mikey:
Farewell to a friend
a friend from the streets
who shared the dark night
and the firelight

life out there is a kind of death
for those of us who are finished
but we keep each other company
as life and hope diminish

you and I we roamed them streets
seeking freedom from our scars
both of us still trying to escape
from those prison bars

the big dark night was the enemy
but it was also a good friend
we roamed the night with wild joy
and never knew it would end

the salt of the earth live out in the night
and you were a wonderful grain
but now your road goes on without us
never to meet again

The end is what we all wait for out there
and you are at last at peace
but I am here without you
in a night that may never cease

I wish you a peaceful journey brother,
and keep the memories here
of those days and nights as forgotten people
freed to disappear

Thursday Evening

Good evening,
I have been very unwell, I can't even do what the WRAP course teaches,
which is to look after myself and my flat in order to help me get better.
I didn't pick my new bike up as arranged as I was sick in bed,
and I am not going on my dream work experience tomorrow.

I found a nice trains video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3tlCqqg7lw

I can't do much apart from un-poetry:

Michelle:

The rain is falling on the empty square
And those of us, still embarassed to be seen
are furtively looking in the bins
While the giant screen blares ghostly music

The leaves of the plane trees are dripping
and we huddle in the shelter of the overhang

You come raging and ranting
and the peace and quiet is gone
you are shouting at nothing
and nothing has no reply

What makes me sad
is that this was preventable
in your early homeless days
you were sane.

Damien:

You used to go to the hospital
sit there and beg them to admit you
as you grew thinner and more ill
crying for help to deaf ears

when you were high
you used to walk in the road 
and argue with cars
and tell me funny stories

you reached out to me
in my terrified silence
and bonded me to the homeless gang
so I felt safer, less alone

You were in a bad way
I doubt you lived
and I curse that hospital 
for refusing to admit you

Tuesday Evening

Good evening,

Well I continued to work slowly but surely.
Eventually I did the usual, took the rubbish out, put the beach clothes on the line, went for a walk, used some of the dregs of the money on reduced food, had a short walk and came home. It is still warm and the sea is calm, people were still out swimming in the sea.

Earlier today I made two work experience applications.

I came home and found a reply to one.

It looks like I start work on Friday, and in at the deep end, as they say.

Tuesday Afternoon

Good Afternoon,

Well I had a bad night and woke late.
I have felt ill and discouraged but have been working slowly, and managed to get myself washed, fed and medded.
I also crawled down to the beach, it is very crowded, the tide being in means so much less space, but there is always space for little me and my beach clothes while I have a swim.
I had a very basic and short swim and did my exercises.
Then I dried in the warm sun and bowled slowly home.

Yesterday afternoon and evening the storms kept passing either side of us and I never got any decent lightning pictures.

I am home, just need to do the usual wash the beach clothes and bath routine.
I think I know what I want to do with regards a career, as well as my writing, I just need the supported employment scheme to help me to find out how.

Coffee has finished for the summer.

Monday Night

Good evening,
Well I am feeling upset and my sleeping pattern is shot to hell.

Monday/Hey Arnold/ Poem

I am watching 'Hedy Arnold' :) ah, the memories.

Here is sequel to 'Child'

The days were shortening
and the dark growing
When I came home
tired and in pain

I lit the stove in the dark night
and the lantern burned bright
The heat of the summer was ending
and so were you and I

I sat in the shadows 
and you called to me quietly
I didn't want to rise
to reach out to the dying flame

You would make that little click and hum
like a mother reassuring a child
I see you standing there
frozen in my memory, my friend

But the gathering shadows and the call of the road
drawing me back, to another time and place
and there was no choice
weary and beaten, I followed the road

I left behind with you,
part of my heart and soul,
so that no matter where I go,
in my dreams I am with you,
sleeping like a child in my mother's arms

Monday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well I finally fell into bed sometime between 10 and 11 this morning.
Then the postman was banging on the front door, so I ignored that and left it to someone else and drifted into sleep.
Daytime sleep is never good or comfortable, and I woke at 1pm feeling dizzy and sick and with my spine screaming.
I recovered, got back to my computer and did some lunch.
Eventually I wandered down to the bay, the beach was crowded, a lot of people playing with balls and bats, and people out in kayaks and on floats.
I sat and drifted.
There are storm clouds on the horizon but it has been warm and sunny.
I am tired and a bit disorientated, so I will watch films.

Monday 10am

Well I am about to go back to bed for a while.

I hoovered the flat and cleaned the floor and washed up and everything else.
Then I went for my swim at 8.30.

The beach was quiet, with some children playing by the wall, I swam at the road end and there was no-one there at all.
The sea was cool and calm, but thunderclouds and rumbles were brewing over the cliffs, and the sea turned choppy in the strong breeze.
I didn't swim too much as I am tired and I could so easily end up in difficulties, but I did my exercizes and enjoyed a swim and a play.
another lady ventured out into the sea further along, the sun was still out but it was cool in the breeze, I came home and have had a bath and now I will put the washing on and go to sleep for a while.

Oh, the diocese and deanery are scrapping again on BBC Jersey.
Someone needs to tell them gently about Jesus and Christianity, and explain to them that dishonesty, money and power aren't everything, and that if they had handled things and not protected an abuser in the first place, then they would not be whining miserably about money now.

Monday 6.30am

Good morning,
Still awake, I have just been doing various domestic and work tasks.
I have to wait until later to hoover or put the washing machine on, so as not to disturb anyone.

I went for a walk, put the rubbish in the skip, posted a letter, had my walk, did some sunrise photography although it wasn't an inspiring sunrise because of the clouds.

I am so tired, I hope to hoover and put the washing on and be back in bed by 9am. Topsy turvy.
Actually a lot of people were awake at 5.20 as I went for my walk, people walking about, doing domestic tasks, walking the dog, and even some teenagers playing football in the park. The world has insomnia.

Stuart Syvret has a new obsessive groupie who has just discovered him and wants the rest of us to know he is hers, she wants to live on an island and marry and ex-senator and tell the rest of his supporters they never looked after him like she can :) hilarious.

Monday 3.50am

Good morning,
Well another troubled night and a 2am start to the day, I will have a sleep later.
In the meantime I am getting a lot of work done.

It is so dark and quiet outside, I miss the streets. The stars were so bringht, but now, pre-dawn, the clouds are a shadow on the dark sky.

I guess sometimes a bit of nocturnal uninterrupted work is a good thing but I do not like the tension of not sleeping at night.

Among other things I am prepping to return to work. I have to re-train but I don't yet know what I want to do or can do.
The jobcentre said I am considered unfit for work, so I made a face at them and told them I wish to return to work part time in supported employment, so they referred me.
I can't go on living hand to mouth forever.
I was talking to a lady at church who's daughter is in exactly the same situation as me.
Not really fit for work but not on enough to live on, and wants to work, as I do.

I am chatting online to others who are up at this hour for various reasons, including the time in the USA being daytime.

Sunday Evening

Good evening,

Well after my swim, I had a bath and headed out, the open air festival was crowded and didn't appeal to me, so I headed back, via the shop for some odds and ends.
I got home, changed and went to the praise service, the service went on for nearly 2 hours and there were hyperactive kids, so I was very drained by the end.
I walked home via the seafront, it has been mainly cloudy today but people have still been enjoying the beach, and although there has been a cool breeze, it is still very hot, and the flat is still too hot.
I need a holiday, away from the heat and noise.

four more weeks to go of grockles and antihistamines! :)

Sunday Lunchtime

Good lunchtime,

Well last night was awful, It took hours to get to sleep, then I was in and out of sleep with violent nightmares and hot and thirsty.

In the end I was asleep and didn't wake until just after 10am!
Well I have missed church so much recently that I decided I would go anyway as I haven't been for weeks! I haven't been to the little church for months! But I have seen them around and been to lunch and coffee with them.

So I put on shorts and a black top and staggered into church looking like a shock.
The service revived me, as did the lovely people at coffee afterwards, and I declined lunch and came home as I was not washed or dressed properly, how norty of me.

Coffee on Tuesdays has stopped for the summer as well, so I have to go on a different social programme, because I am supposed to socialise every week :(
Blah, why do people need socializing?

Anyway I am home, just trying to work out how to fit in a swim, a bath, a celebration service and some photography at the open air festival.

The blog stats have really gone mad, the church blog normally averages 1000 views per week, although that has been increasing recently, it has already gone over 500 today, when the daily average is 100 to 200.

Saturday Evening

Good evening,
I am utterly exhausted and hobbling, and this blog has just hit a record stat 148 views in one day, that is more normal for a low day on the other blog!
This blog normally does 30-60.

I have just got back from the carnival.
It was awesome!

I was thinking of going up the back roads to watch from there, but I just ended up walking down to the front with everyone else.
It was crowded but I was absolutely fine.
The floats were being judged and I walked along them and got as many pictures as I liked, and the youngsters on the floats were nice and obliging, they posed, waved and smiled for me.
I followed the parade through town, and cut a corner and met the parade coming round the other side of the circuit.
I was never crowded or anxious, I got 952 picures!
My legs did suffer though, I am hobbling painfully now.

What an awesome lovely evening, everyone had a great time and the rain held off and a cool breeze made it just right.
Well I think I will sleep well, tomorrow is another busy day.

Saturday Evening

Well, b athed and dressed, I went out to see what was going on, floats being set up and a band playing, and town and the seafront packed with people, it is too hot, and thunderclouds keep looming.
It is an hour and a half until the carnival.
I have to go up the top of town where it wont be too crowded.

In the meantime I need to rest and work, some holiday weekend this is turning out to be! So much to do.

Saturday Afternoon

Good afternoon,

Well I went and did a flower festival photo shoot.
Then I went and had my swim, the sea was calm, the sky was partly cloudy and the sun was not too hot.
I had a good swim, overdid it as usual.

I am home, in my swimsuit, and I just need to bathe and dress, and go back out to get pre-carnival entertainment pictures before the big event this evening, when I will get loads of pics.

Saturday Morning

Good morning,
Hot and sunny here on the Great Ship Bay.

Well it was late when I got to bed, past midnight, and I was tired,
I slept with the wet pillowcase and teatowel to keep me cool.
I dreamed a lot despite sleeping without any 5HTP.
I dreamed about my family and Bob Hill and so much else.
I woke at just after 9am, lazy weekend hours.

I am sitting here being lazy, but I must go and do a photoshoot of the flower festival and then I will have a swim and then later is the carnival.

I somehow cut the palm of my hand last night, and it stings.

Friday Midnight

Well after logan's run, I decided to go and do a quick shop at the big supermarket with the money that was given to me earlier.
So off I wandered, and I have only just got back.
People shouldn't leave buses around where I can catch them and wander off :)
That was a good wander.
It is still hot.
Tomorrow is carnival and flower festival. Fun and photos.