Monday

Hey peeps,

Nearly a week since I blogged, on the anniversary of the police destroying my life again.

I have been battling another infection.

I am not willing to go into the local hospital for any surgery, the local hospital is under special measures and is a death trap basically. My friend was left with fluid draining from her lung onto the floor there when she was dying, and I know of other horror stories. And anyway, because of the NHS treating me terribly courtesy of the church and police, I am non-NHS but the operation I need would cost £2,500 private. A head scan will be cheaper and I need that first.

I tried to skype the doctor on Saturday but the signal is bad here in bad weather so I couldn't, anyway, all they would say is antibiotics, incision and operation, and they would try to persuade me to go NHS and get it done, but I won't.

Anyway, never mind that, it is not life-threatening, just disrupting.

The weather has been wind and rain, as it has for most people, and so I have been rained off a lot, which is not good.
It has been an unremarkable time, just struggling to live because of the unresolved church injustice and the impact on me.

Yesterday I finally had the time and energy to attend my church, it was quiet there, a few people still away, the people who I sit with were away and had suffered a bereavement as well.

It was funny though, because the old ladies who sit back right came out with one of their er, bloopers.
They said to me 'Oh, it's nice that you are here when your friends are away!'

You see, I don't attend church to see my friends, although that is a nice side effect of church. But the oldies at the back think that I don't know about God or Christianity and that I come for the social side. I think back right provide comedy for the whole church sometimes.
But anyway, my friend was on door duties and I told him what they had said and we laughed.

I guess I should have said to the old ladies, who are very old really, that everyone at the church is my friend, but I said 'I come for the worship, not because my friends are here'.

Anyway, so I was chatting with my friend on the door and when he was asked to help with prayers, I went on the door and did bright smiles and handshakes, and charged the customers a shilling for the books, no I didn't charge a shilling really.

I normally sit front right with the peeps, but as they were away, I was going to sit on my own, but my friends in centre right decided I was too norty to be alone in case I danced in some aisles or was wandering around under the seats looking for gum, so they squashed me in the middle of them in centre. :( notypeople are free range, not too keen on the squashness, but liking being included.

The service was OK, it will be a long time before I can completely stop the flashbacks, but it was informative, good bread and butter, as they tend to be at that church, and afterwards people made a fuss of me :( but my friend asked if I would meet her for coffee this week, we haven't been for coffee for ages, as you may have noticed, I like coffee with her because she is similar to my adoptive mum, coffee means a long chat and then a tour of town and window shopping as well, which is fun.

Oh I forgot to say earlier, after the service another old lady came hurrying after me, not one of the back right, she is quite nice, she brings her blind friend every week, but anyway, she said to me 'I always think your hair is so beautiful!'
That was so nice of her to come and say that. As some of you know, my hair has always been difficult for me, but in the past year, with it thinned and cropped to shoulder length and bleached beautiful honey blonde by the sun, my hair is actually not bad, I have made peace with my hair at last, as long as I can keep it at shoulder length and thinned.
So it is nice to know that someone else likes my hair. I don't know many people with natural hair who are my age, my hair parts in the middle and normally has no styling and of course no chemical dye, the sun bleaching is lovely, in the past I sometimes tied my hair back, but I am not keen on that, it stops the wind from blowing it so much at work though.

Today is a slow start, with the weather and the lingering infection. At least the flat is clean and there will be food.
Tomorrow, and I am sure I will be OK for it, I am having vaccinations.
The NHS messed up, as they did with everything so I am not vaccinated like most people, but the one that I need, which they have let me down on is the tetanus, polio and diptheria, or however you spell it.
They did a tetanus when I was late teens, early 20s, as I was working on the land, they never did a booster, too busy failing me in other areas, and they only did part of my polio, and as for the other thing, the never vaccinated that. So I have tetanus jab in full tomorrow, with polio and the other stuff.
And yes, the NHS were reminded repeatedly, didn't give a damn, so yes, it is a private vaccination. I am a gardener, sick and destroyed as I am, and I have to look after myself.

University prep starts in two days. And what am I doing? Well as you know I deferred a module, and I can't retake yet, so I am taking another module in it's stead, just one module this year, to get me to 240. Which, as you know, will only be 60 away from a degree, or 120 from an honours, and I am going for honours, so I will hopefully end up with a BA Honours. I will die from the church, police and NHS first, but at least I tried. And I am not taking any music exams this year.

And regarding the psychologist, the referral was fine, I will be seeing her when she gets back from holiday.