This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Hello, welcome back to the blog.
After leaving my friends in Sattelite town I was deeply depressed and unsure what to do, how to go on surviving, and so the blog faltered as I wandered about unhappy and aimless.

so what happened? Well I went from Sattelite town to chavtown for a while but the homeless population in Chavtown had doubled and it was rather stressful and thin there, I learned that the outreach there were no danger to me as they had decided, with the help of a formal letter from me or not, to leave me alone.
I slept well in my porch in chavtown, and dealt with some major festivals such as the torch relay and the Lord Mayor's parade, which left town too crowded for me and further frazzled my nerves.
I then helped with a local festival on behalf of and for my friends, this reminded me of the old days when I used to help out at events, I had a lovely time and it helped me after my nerves had been further frazzled when the old emnity between me and my former friend flared. No harm except trauma came of that, I wish I knew how to be assertive, not react when I am hurt and how to conclude and walk away.

Anyway, I left chavtown after helping my friends with the festival, and I went back to Sanctuary, my old home on the coast, and said hello to my old friends. Then I travelled further afield and captured a new town, and that is where I am now, and an awful lot has happened since I got here!

I arrived here alone and depressed one evening, I made a new friend the next morning and she developed a regular habit of buying me breakfast or coffee, she is part of a church that is friendly to homeless people and offers some outreach, so I go there regularly to have a cuppa.
I was swiftly pointed in the direction of other outreaches as well, including the daycentre, and soup runs.

The daycentre have become a big source of support, I have a good breakfast and shower there each day, and I use computers there, access some medical help, get clothes, and drink tea of course.
There is also art class and books to read.

Shortly after arriving here I was sitting on the church steps, feeling very low, when a man came over and said 'you're homeless aren't you?' he was a quiet, clean, sober older man, I said I was, and he invited me over to meet his friend, another quiet, clean, sober older man, they were both rough sleepers, and they became my friends, we would meet at 5.30pm every day to have a cuppa and a chat, and also at the daycentre in the morning, and they helped me through a sad and thin time.
Then one day the first of the two men decided he wanted to return to his home town, so he went, leaving the remaining two of us bereft, but we have become very good friends indeed, completely platonic but very good friends, we help each other  through the bad days, we have a laugh, we survive together.

another friend I quickly made was another long term homeless woman who stays outside of most homeless outreach including the daycentre, doesn't get benefits but is clean, sober and very funny, she is always laughing and having fun, and I look forward to meeting her at the church for a cuppa. She lives in a tent.

Very soon after arriving here I was no longer alone, my new homeless friends, the church staff and congregation, the daycentre and outreach staff, and the congregation of another church that I chose to join means that I already know quite a few people even though I am shy and antisocial.

We have soup kitchen a few days a week, and that is good. Some outreach is closed for the summer, which is a pain, but I rarely go hungry, one person or another feeds me.
My posessions are in a big locker, but unlike the chavtown lockers, I do not get any money back. So I have to carry a bag with me and try not to access the lockers too much, otherwise I have to put more money in. But at least my things are safe and dry, and I don't have to carry too much.

Toilets in this town are scarce, so I am grateful for my radar key, and there is a toilet near the lockers, so if I time it right then I can wash and change in the morning or evening when I go to the lockers.

A man from church decided he could 'heal' me, and if you know my story you will know why this caused alarm. Anyway, i gave him a chance as he claimed to be a counsellor and I have started to feel ready for counselling, sadly it was a disaster and he tried to force me to accept that my lifestyle was wrong and he wanted to find me accommodation immediately, even though I am not ready to live indoors.
I ended the 'counselling' relationship, and that made him angry, and he made excuses for himself and blamed me for things not working, but my concerns came to the attention of the homeless health team, the daycentre and the church, and I was astonished to find that they were sympathetic to me and bending over backwards to help me, and still are.

I nearly left town at this point, I scouted out the neighbouring cities to look for a place to overwinter, but everyone surprised me again by asking me to stay.
So here I am, at the moment.

I am part of a church lunch club, and the people are kind and generous to me, it is hard to leave this town.

I was flooded out of three sleeping places recently by torrential rain, highlighting the difficulty to find a safe, dry spot to sleep, and I took the advice of many people and bought a small tent. Last night was my first night in the tent, and I was a bit scared, felt vulnerable, and had nightmares, but I got some sleep, which is what matters.
As well as a new tent I have a new sleeping bag and blanket to replace those ruined by the rain, I also have a new set of clothes and new boots, as everything was getting ragged and smelly.

Recently a drug using immigrant tried to assault me, I was carrying my bedding bag and gave him a hefty whack with it, he sat down, and I called the police, apparently there were onlky three officers on duty for the area that night, and so it took them half an hour, in which time I followed this immigrant as he staggered around and swore, and whacked him with the bag every time he turned on me. I also got photos of him on my camera phone, but by the time the police turned up, I had had to give up following and was waiting with someone who offered to wait with me after they saw some of his aggression.
The police said the man fitted the description of someone who had been reported by other women for accosting them and attempted assaults, so they went after him.

So with the flooding and that incident, I didn't sleep much for two nights, and now I am sleeping lightly and feeling stressed.

It was also recently that I went to the hospital and was given three new diagnosis to do with my internal problems, they explain why I have had some much trouble with sme things for so long. I am awaiting biopsy results that will probably be clear, and I am on double doses of meds and will be re-tested at some point.
Oh, I forgot to say I got taken to casualty with some of these probnlems a while back, got released at 3am, so another sleepless night. It was a weekend too, imagine casulty on a weekend night! :(

I am trying to work out where I am with my life and the future, and I feel very low and confused.

The library here has vending machines and loos, and is big enough for me to have space to myself.

Nothing else to tell you unless I have forgotten anything.

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