Saturday

I have enjoyed the early mornings on farm duties, I have had the farm, morning and evening this week, and I have enjoyed it.
I have loved getting up in the pitch dark, 5am, and going down to the farm, waking the sleepy hens in their clouds of fluffed feathers and startled clucks.
The ducks seem to find the torch bewildering, and they do mad dances.

Tomorrow is my last farm duty, and I was too tired today to finish the mowing, so I will have to scandalize the CofE hypocrites who don't know their Bible, and finish the mowing tomorrow, Sunday isn't the Sabbath anyway.

Anyway.

Today I was up at pitch dark o'clock, my mate 'A' was up, drinking tea and worrying about his situation, so we drank tea, it is always good to drink tea and worry with someone else at some unearthly hour.

As I said, I was tired, and had a headache from recent challenges, so I did the farm and came home to bed, Saturday is the only day I get to do such a thing.
I lay down and was asleep, I hate sleeping in the day, but I knew I needed to.

Recently the premonitions from Jersey have been loud and clear, almost screams. Premonition from Jersey indicates trouble, and it usually comes in the strange form of clear pictures of Jersey accompanied by a feeling of deep sorrow that seems to be someone else's sorrow and not mine. Anyway, Jersey premonitions always signify trouble.

But as I slept, I dreamed of the Channel Islands, very clear and sharp dreams that seemed to go on forever, I was there, I was home, and I was happy, home at last. The dreams were comforting, joyful in the midst of my despair, but unfortunately they were, the same as the premonitions, a bad sign, something harmful to me will happen from Jersey again.

When I was battling whooping cough and pneumonia in that cold February of 2013, I lay there as the snow fell, and I dreamed of Jersey, sharp and clear, and then the massive-scale press and media hate attack was launched against me by the Bishop of Winchester and Archbishop of Canterbury, with a bit of help from their friends.

My letter to the Bishop of Winchester has leaped 500 views in the last few days.
Hm, if they can kill me to silence me, they will, they have tried so hard, and yet I am still here, destroyed, but here. I want to see my abusers removed before I die.

Stepping out of the circle was a recent profound experience I had. I hope to write about it somehow, and eventually it may make a good book title. Authors always look for new ways to present work, and actually that was a great way to present my life, and it may work as a book, it will take more thought though.

My friend who emailed earlier, yes I am coping, not great but coping, just get those cups back at  and I will come and have a cuppa. No cups, no me coming round for tea.

It has been one of those weeks, the warm wet weather has led to rapid grass growth, everyone wanted mowing done and the grass being long and wet, with rain still falling, has been a nightmare to mow.

I have been watching Rain Man on repeat this week, great film.  I am now watching Hancock, I like Will Smith, my favourite of his is '7 Pounds', which as well as being very emotional, reminds me of my story and how I went on living after life ended.

I will post on the pages section of the blog at some point, the statements recently about the damage to me by the church and police this month. Yeah, while I am alive, they will go on destroying me.  But I won't shut up, because what they have done is a travesty, Bishop Tim Dakin and Archbishop Justin Welby should not still be in their positions, and using other survivors, Macsas or the police to destroy me and drive me to death won't change that. No amount of church lies flung back at me will change that. Attacking my home with the police and leaving me homeless again didn't change that.  Nothing will.

The attacks on me and discrediting and smears of me have had a profound and lasting effect, I am sure any of you subjected to a complete undermining of your lives, with nowhere to turn for help, would suffer. And if you had a background like mine rather than a solid foundation, you also may not survive. I wouldn't wish what I have suffered on anyone, except Jane Fisher of course.

Another thing as well as the Jersey premonitions has been troubling me and causing flashbacks, the horrific damage to me by Jersey Police in their dishonesty and brutality, nothing has been done about it, and the church and states did that terrible 'serious case review' whitewash of it so that I can be terrorized and never see justice and thus never heal.

Some of the bad memories at the moment are about the illegal actions of Jane Fisher and the Korris report, Fisher and the Diocese had no right to liaise with police and social services to destroy me and create an inaccurate report, they also had no right and were told so expressly, as were autism Jersey, that I didn't consent to interference and liaison.
There was a wonderful lie in the Korris report about the police sending me a nice letter. If they did so, they knowingly sent it to the wrong address, and the church of england had no right to know about such a letter and I certainly didn't tell them, as I never received it.
The Korris report was an attack on me, publicly, and the church spewed it's lies internationally, destroying me, but why? As yet I have no explanation as to why they had me branded and destroyed to the whole world, and proceeded in that vein for three years before culminating their attack in attempted murder, and nothing whatsoever has been done, as no-one holds them to account.

For me, the nightmare will never be over, there is no sign of justice, all there is is suffering.