Good morning blog. There is no one reading today, maybe I scared them off :)

Well yesterday evening was long, I went to the Samaritans and nattered and had a cup of tea.
I sat around in McD's and felt tired.
Then I went on a sort out frenzy with my bedding and stashplaces. I got rid of all the wet manky bedding from under the fire escape, I filled all the litter bins in town with it, just to puzzle the council.
I sorted out all my stashplace clothing and bedding, what a mess, and left just one bag of food and clothes and oddments there, some of my bedding did remain missing, it was my pillow bedding, cushion, scarves, shawls etc, good thing I had Patrick with me as he was usually in there. So anyway, my nice lions club parcel and pillow bedding were gone, who would do that to a homeless person at Christmas? Thankfully with my new sleeping bag and blankets, I was not short of bedding anyway and I used a blanket as a pillow last night.

Anyway, I was really tired but I stayed up for soup kitchen and got food for the next day and some Christmas goodies.
Then I went to bed down, but despite having plenty of clean dry bedding I was tense and couldn't settle down and sleep, it was 1am when I got up, went to the loo, settled more comfortably and slept deeper, but I dreamed, a long vivid full colour dream about being ashamed, being in court on trial, and the trial went on and on and hurt and hurt, then I was back with my friends here, ashamed of the trial and my friends knowing, ashamed of my struggles at college for some reason and just feeling very small, as I do anyway but I try to push my feelings away all the time.

I woke up at 07.30 and risked leaving my bedding under the stairs where I am not supposed to leave it. Then it was 08.00 before I got to the market and the tea stall wasn't open, I went to the other tea stall that was and got a cuppa to take my medicines with, then I bin hunted but unsuccesfully.

( I do always cleanse my hands after I take anything out of the bin, I carry bottles of handwash gel, recently the pump on the bottle was broken, which may have contributed to me getting infection as my hands weren't washed as soon after bin raiding as they should have been).

Anyway, the tea stall people turned up, but no one was in a very good mood. No one ever is after Christmas, town was busy with sales crowds, I had hoped to go off adventuring today and tomorrow, using the free tickets I was sent, but sadly they aren't valid from this town, I would have to go to the next town to use them
which I decided was too much expense and certainly too far to walk very quickly, 40 miles and more.
It is a pity, but what is sensible? using the last of my money in order to use these free tickets and use the empty bank holidays up with travelling? or stay here with nothing to do and spend a little bit on internet and know where I am and that I have guarunteed food and a sleeping place.
I love travelling and I wish that I could just go and roam around on these tickets, but I can't. Unless I find some money.

Here I am. It is mild and cloudy, last night was mild and cloudy with no rain, colder and clearer towards morning and cloudy again now, it is going to stay like this and it will rain late tonight apparently.

If I ruled the world I would have my own toy shop and my own soap shop, that way there would be times when it wouldn't be crowded and I could smell all the soaps and play with all the toys :)
And I would decree that buying people scrachcards for christmas would be illegal, because that is not an act of love, buying someone a bit of paper that may or may not win money? Grr :(