Good morning bloggys,

It is another cold clear morning here, just getting light.

Last night I wrote and wrote until the library closed, I am on page 114 of my book, then I went to soup kitchen, which was crowded but I got a sandwich, a donut and a few cups of tea, and the man gave me a hat scarf and gloves so now I have two of each.
Soup kitchen was busy but nothing happened.

I went and changed into my thermals but for some time I had to wait for my sleeping place because both places had too many places near them, so I got cold and my friend kept texting because she couldn't get my number up to phone me, so I was a bit fed up.

I ended up bedding down in the rat alley, it was a cold night and the rat alley was less than ideal on a cold night with all the drunks out shouting.

Still, wrapped up in hat, scarf, gloves, thermals, layers, and with an adequate layer of cardboard and a blanket as well as sleeping bag, I managed to doze off, and was woken at 1am by rain as I wasn't entirely sheltered, fortunately it was a passing shower as forecast.

I slept lightly and dozed until morning.

Early morning, darfk cold and beautiful, I am never joking when I say that early winter mornings are amazing. Cold and fresh, the air is breathable and it brings my temperature down and cheers me up, usually.

The depression is bad.

I am in McD's and their hot water isn't working so I am lucky to have got a cup of tea.

My pal with the dog is trying to get me to go and live in the homeless camp.
Hm, no.

I wish I was dead.
But do not label me as suicidal and start having me locked up for that. Wishing you were dead happens to most people and in my case it is a reaction to things that happened. I don't think it will ever heal.

Hi Bloggys,
I am having a boring day, I got up nice and early albeit because of nightmares, but I had plenty of time for a nice shower and sort out. And some peanut butter on toast with plenty of tea.

Then I struggled up the hill and put things in the locker.

This town is overcrowded as it is but on Saturday it is unbearable, but I have spent most of the day in the library, writing.

I went for lunch at the daycentre, beans on toast and a cuppa.
One of the volunteers, ex-homeless, told me they worry when they don't hear from me and I told him that the managers have my phone number if they are worried, but he gave me his phone number in case I ever need rescuing, a night in shining armour. Haha.

That daycentre isn't a homeless daycentre as such, they are a cafe and rest place for anyone and everyone but they help homeless people. The cafe also attracts the rich and rude as this is a tourist city and the cafe is in an old church, the rich and rude have so much money that they think that manners are disposable, so sometimes they come in and barge everyone out the way to get what they want.

I went shopping again and got a blanket and a scarf, more money gone but those things were necessary.

Good morning bloggys,

I woke up from horrendous dreams. It is cold and clear.
I am at the end of my tether, I never knew I had a tether.
I want to go home.
But going home is more likely to make that horrendous dream come true.

Hi bloggys,

I do whinge a lot, and when I am depressed I feel guilty for whingeing so I whinge about whingeing :)

Well, I have felt very low indeed. And by this afternoon my energy ran out and my stomach was hurting and remembering those horrible tubes, so I wandered up here to the old chap's place and used some of my meagre moneys for another night here.
I have no idea how I am going to survive, I have never got so low on money so quickly, I only got my money yesterday and I haven't got enough for a fortnight and I still need boots and a haircut.

I get one lot of money one fortnight and two lots the next fortnight, and this is the one lot of money fortnight and I have had train fares, bus fares, clothes and toiletries to get this time and also used money to stay here at the old chap's place.

I had some texts with a friend earlier that cheered me up, I have nothing and am worthless but my friends are little lights shining in the darkness.

My foot  is a lot better, less painful but still not right, I soaked it in hot salt water earlier.
I have sorted my backpack out and am watching crocodile Dundee now.
I meant to do some writing but because it is making my depression worse I think I will give it a rest.

Earlier I saw my pal with the dog, so he is still around! And the old soldier was back at the outreach lunch, apparently he has survived being hit by a motorbike!

The weather is now cold and clear after all the rain, I should be out there but physically it is better for me to rest here. emotionally no, the bad memories send me mad.

I was really hoping to go to London to help my favourite charity for a day, but I simply haven't enough money, sometimes life is so useless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQlUAhdvkXA

I went to the dentist again, it was a bit of a nightmare, she couldn't get my name right, which always annoys me when professionals are like that. And she was very unclear indeed on what she wanted me to do, and she kept telling me to breathe through my nose and then through my mouth, which doesn't work, I have never been able to breathe on instruction and my nasal passagesare so small that I cannot take in enough air that way, so I was struggling to breathe.

But the worst bit was trying to follow her instructions and when she tried to take a mold she shoved the guard in my mouth and it was agony on the sore areas by my wisdom teeth, it was simply too much for me.
I am not going to have any more dental treatment. I dont need it, that tooth has been broken for 10 years and she has been my dentist for long enough without trying to mend it.

I went to the homeless lunch, I used to call it my weekly dose of depression, it is packed out today and is depressing, though the lovely staff try to make a fuss of me. I am not in the mood for fuss, I would rather be with a friend and find things to laugh about to lift the horrendous depression.

After I leave the lunch I feel sad that I cannot go to the gallery, I walk down to poundland and get a wooly hat for night time and some toiletries and some new foam pads, I need foam pads for my feet even though I have special orthotics, otherwise my feet have too much strain and they hurt.

I think part of the depression is what I have been remembering in the writing of the book, and part is the gallery closing, part is being indoors too much and this is triggering memories all the time and distressing me, and part is being here in this crowded town where people don't know about personal space or politeness, but I have very little money this week and no idea where to go.

Eyup bloggypeeps,

Yesterday evening I was indoors in my little unit in the old chap's place, I was very tired so I didn't do anything, I drank lots of tea, ate a peanut butter sandwich and watched a bit of television.

It started raining, as forecast, but I stayed indoors and went to sleep.
I dreamed of my family, I dreamed my dad was there, but vague and ghostly, and my mum was there, I was trying to work out what to do about the despair and hostility and the fact that the two youngest just slept all day because they had nothing to do.
Towards the end of the dream one of the friends of the family was saying he accepted me as I was and I was welcome, but no one else said anything.
Thankfully I woke up. That dream comes purely from the fact I have been writing down my memories of the family. I am glad I am away from them.

I woke and dozed, and it was about 9am when I got up, which means I slept for at least 12 hours.
I was relieved to wake with no pain or discomfort, I had felt the start of head and neck pain when I was falling asleep and often sleeping in a bed here does leave me in pain, but today I feel surprisingly ok, no throat or stomach pain, no headache, no pain in my foot yet.

The saddest news reaches me by email, the Gallery has indeed closed down, my friend who ran the gallery is a very private person and closed the gallery with no publicity or warning, she was simply struggling with costs and red tape and obstructive governing bodies, which is very sad. A piece of my life is now missing, a warm safe part of my routine when I am here. I will miss it today when I come back from the outreach lunch.

I get a quick slice of peanut butter on toast, I am not hungry, I wonder if there is still a lot of air in my stomach from yesterdays ordeal.
I get a quick shower and then head off. My new clothes are nice and comfortable, but they have eaten a hole in my budget, I need a rich uncle or something.

I walk up the hill, it is raining and it is hard for me to breathe, I stop to take my inhaler.
I go to the post office and am first in the que, the man on the counter has a broad local accent and is hard to understand but very chatty, he tells me I should dry my hair using the hand dryer in the ladies loos, little does he know that I am the original mastermind of that trick.

I head for the library but my legs go wobbly and I feel dizzy. Cheerful asks me to mind his pitch and bag while he goes to the loo, there is a disturbance in the square while I am on duty, lots of police and a few addicts. Cheerful comes back and I head onwards, I put my bags in a locker and get a cuppa and wait for ages for the lift because people who don't need it are hogging it.
How I hate this town. I walked out of into crowds of people who don't know about personal space and their cigarette smoke this morning. It annoys the hell out of me.

And I have a dental appointment in half an hour, the first half of my crown is being done, that means two dental appointments and one hospital appointment in three days, that is too much for someone with Asperger Syndrome. :(

I feel wobbly, I need my mummy to hug me and reassure me.

Hi Bloggypeeps,

Yesterday I stayed in the library all evening apart from when I had a brisk walk around and a look for a hot drink, just by coincidence someone had bought a coffee with sugar for Cheerful and he didn't want it so he gave it to me. So I had a coffee.
The bins are not producing anything.

After the library I went to wait for soup kitchen, one of the guys had raided the bakery bins and there was  bread and cakes and sandwiches all over the place, I ate a sausage roll and an iced bun.
This bin raiding guy only turns up occasionally with the bags full of food, and he always tells us the same story, how the police once threatened to do him for theft by finding and he said if they did he would go to the local press and the headlines would be how the police victimised a homeless man for feeding his fellow homeless.

soup kitchen turns up, this is not my favourite team of volunteers, I once bawled them out for repeatedly asking where I slept while the other homeless people were listening, it is not helpful in any way for them to do that, and they were also putting me under inordiante pressure to be housed, until one night I said 'enough is enough'. Soup kitchen is for feeding homeless people, not adding to their stress.

Anyway, tonight this lot make no attempt to get involved with me, phew, but when they are giving out blankets I simply don't dare to go over until it is too late. I do need a blanket really, in fact in the dead of winter I will need several to build a blanket pile.

I don't go forward for food as the sausage roll and donut were enough for me and soup kitchen is very crowded, but as I wait for tea, a new guy asks me what I am waiting for and I tell him I am waiting for my cup of tea, he shouts out 'tea for the lady please!'. And tea appears, funnily enough earlier one of the guys had been shouting out 'rough sleepers first!', so there are a few new guys who are 'good un's' with a sense of fairness.

The guy who shouted for tea for me introduces himself and then makes it his mission to ensure I have loads of food and tea, he is smiling and sober and I am glad to see that he is one of three or so new guys who are nice and reasonable, this is good because things have gone to pot here, M. is no longer coherent and my pal with the dog has moved on again, life is hard with no clean and sober pals, and now I have new clean and sober pals.
Tessa comes and asks what I am worrying about, and I tell her that tomorrow is a hospital appointment so I get lots of sympathy and everyone is glad it is not them going to hospital.

After soup kitchen I wander down to put my thermals on, there is a notice on the toilets that says that they now close at 9pm, so I was right, some trouble has meant that they are no longer 24 hour toilets.
I go in the disabled toilet and quickly change, when I come out the friendly security guard is standing there, 'I'm glad you've got a key' he says and goes on to describe the trouble they have been having that has meant that the toilets have to close.
apparently a certain one of my fellow homeless has been naked in the toilets and flooding them out and making a mess, yes I tell him I know who that is, a certain man with psychosis and OCD, who has been banned from other places for similar disasters.
The security guard asks where I have been and how I have been, I tell him I've been ok and been wandering about, he says again he is glad I have a toilet key and he knows I will never make a mess.
I say goodnight and wander off to look for cardboard.

I find some slabs of cardboard and decide that they will do, I prefer smaller cardboard boxes that I can fold them up inconspicuous so no one sees me and thinks 'rough sleeper'. I usually remain nice and inconspicuous, but this evening I think it is cold enough for slabs of cardboard.

Interestingly enough someone notices me this evening, a young man is showing too much interest in me as i walk towards my porchway, so I stop, cross the road, go round a corner and wait, he was heading the opposite way, but surely enough he comes round the corner and jumps when he sees me, I ask him why he suddenly changed direction, and he splutters and starts saying that I looked lost and he was worried, I tell him that I definitely wasn't lost, and he says that he thought I was homeless and he wanted to get me some food.
This is wierd, he is stuttering his excuses and I tell him that the town has a soup kitchen and no homeless person is hungry tonight, he continues to make noises about thinking I was lost, I say goodnight to him.
He may have been genuine but there was something that worried me about his behaviour and excuses for following me, it didn't sound genuine. The outreach here are meant to leave me alone so he shouldn't have been one of them in disguise, anyway I dont want a man following me at night for any reason.
I wait a long time, and I keep checking, but he doesn't follow me further.

I climb up to the porchway. The way is barricaded, that doesn't mean anyone is objecting to me, it means something is happening tomorrow, and it makes me safer because no one else and no cars will come up, I skip the barrier and go to bed down.

I bed down and sleep through the night, sometimes lightly, I wake once for a toilet break, and I wake two minutes before my alarm goes off in the cold dark early morning, the cloudy sky of last night has cleared and the stars are shining.
I get up, stash the cardboard and carry all my belongings, I walk down to the cash point and get some money, isn't it a pain that I have my money today and I can't even go and get a nice cuppa or a decent breakfast because I am not allowed to eat or drink except water.

then I head for the train station, my progress is a bit slow and I get there just before the train leaves, which is a pain as I need time to buy my ticket and the next train is in an hour.
The first train at 5.50am was the one I wanted as it would be the quietest and I would miss rush hour. But never mind, I settle in the waiting room under a nice wall heater and get on with writing the book with the remainder of the battery on the laptop.

Time flies and soon it is time to board the train, it is 6.50am, I expect the train to be crowded but this isn't really a commuter route. So the train is quiet enough, I put my luggage in the rack and use the last of the battery to get halfway down page 100 of the book! Then I look out at the cold beautiful dawn and fall asleep, no one disturbs me and I sleep in between stations all the way there, which is good because I dislike this journey normally.

We arrive at 8.25, I walk over the bridge and down to a bus, which to my surprise is also uncrowded and I get a seat near the luggage rack with my bags.

8.45, I arrive at the daycentre, I cannot remember if it opens at 9.00 or 9.30, there is a man sitting on the ground, for a minute I think it is my friend 'Tag', but this guy is older and more defeated and broken, Tag is full of fire and life, I ask him what time the daycentre opens and he says 9.30, so I sit down and read my book, a few more people turn up but I don't recognize them.

Eventually the receptionist turns up, she is happy and she undoes a pack of chocolate bars and starts throwing them to us, unfortunately for me not only can I not eat the chocolate and I am hungry now, but she throws mine short so I have to scramble off the ground to get it! Rats!

And then we are let in, she begins to write me a meal ticket and I folornly tell her that I cannot eat. She fishes my letters out of the box and my hospital forms are among them, I fill the forms in ready to take them and ask if I can have a shower, I go and have a luxurious soapy shower, my foot is no better.

Then as I go to get my bags, the staff are sorting through the harvest stuff and ask if I want some tins, I tell them I can't carry any more, and they give me a box of chocolate instead, now this is getting silly, chocolate everywhere, my fellow homeless enjoying a cooked breakfast and me miserably hungry, at least I am allowed water so I got myself some flavoured water as I waited for the train, haha.

I am cutting it fine with the unreliable bus service but the hospital is a short bus ride away and I get the bus in time and arrive at the clinic bang on time.
I am sent straight through and a nurse who I have not seen before sees me.

She takes all the information down and is horrified that I am homeless.
she says I am nice and asks how come I am not married yet, (in her culture marriage is inevitable and they always ask people 'are you married?') I am amused and tell her I have yet to find an honest single man as they are few and far between.
She laughs.
she checks my blood pressure and this is the first good thing of the day, my blood pressure is unstable and very variable indeed but today it is miraculously normal despite my tension, and my pulse/heartbeat are ok too. Last time they were worried about releasing me because of my blood pressure, and I have it monitered now.

She takes me through and the lovely nurse who I saw last time says hello and comments that I am still carrying my world on my back.

I wait and she keeps forgetting that I do not have tubes through my nose, so she keeps talking about spraying my nose, hehe, thankfully I am avoiding that ordeal this time, my nasal passages are simply too small.
There is a wait because another patient is taking longer to recover.
 The wait is bad because I know what an ordeal this is and I am not looking forward to it.

I go in and meet the nice doctor, a different one from last time, and he asks a few questions, then he tells me that the spray will taste like rotten bananas and he sprays my throat a few times, I get scared and choke because the spray works immediately and I can't feel my throat and the spray is dripping but I can't swallow.

I lie down on the trolley and they put a mouthiece in and insert the tubes, I cannot have general anasthetic because I am homeless and have no one to look after me, so this process is not nice.

The tubes make me gag and retch and try to be sick, they are horribly unbearably uncomfortable and the whole process hurts and feels unnatural, it is the same as last time, except this time I don't start coughing up blood.
Thankfully it is all over quickly and it is good news. My insides are looking a lot better. I am advised to keep taking the strong dose of medicine for now in case the healing undoes itself, and I will be on the meds indefinitely, but thankfully I don't have to schedule another appointment here at the moment. Yay.

They put me in recovery and bring me a large strong cupof tea and some biscuits, so I feel very hapy.
They check my pulse and blood pressure and both are still ok despite the ordeal.
I drink my tea and eat my biscuits and am given the medical form and released. The lovely nurses wish me well and the one who did the paperwork grabs my rosary and says 'you're a Catholic! So am I!' she is funny because her way of doing things is the way they do it in her country so she is very personal, but thats ok.

I wander over the road to the shopping centre, it is handy that here is a shopping centre and Post Office and I need to shop for clothes and possibly boots.
I look in the sport shop as they sometimes have some good cheap walking boots, but today they have nothing suitable, I go to Sainsburys and get some jeans, and I get socks and knickers, I desparately need the socks and there are bumper packs on special offer.

My insides wake up and start complaining loudly about having tubes poked into them and suddenly I feel very tired, carrying all my things and my shopping, it is normal to be tired and in pain after that operation, but when you are homeless and a long way from anywhere to rest it is not so good.

I go to the chip shop because I must eat, and I sit and eat a chip butty by the bus stop.
I remember my friends as I sit here, I am so close to them and so far away, friends who are no longer in my life but the memories are here.

Tell me how to fill the space you left behind
and how to laugh instead of cry
and how to say goodbye

The food makes me feel a bit better and I am still proudly wearing two hospital tags, I always keep those as souveniers for as long as possible.

I get the bus and make my way to the station via my favourite old tea kiosk, I have a 20 minute wait on the platform and again manage to get my bags on the luggage rack and a seat on my own by the luggage rack and I once again sleep through the journey, though I end up a bit stiff and with pins and needles.

Of the train I walk the short distance down to the Old Chap's place and hope that my space is available, it is and I stagger in, expecting to fall asleep, but here I am still awake, I have had lots of tea and watched a bit of television and found out that my new jeans fit and are nice and soft but a little bit long.

It is nice to rest in a peaceful place when you are tired and recovering.

I went seeking tea at 10am, I found my verger friend and she was talking about having me to stay but I do not want any indoors right now, I need to stay out in the nice cold dark.

I went to the other church and there was no tea there either, it was closed, I don't know why.
I went to the daycentre and just had time to drnk a cup of nondescript tea before brushing my teeth and hurrying to the dentist.

Nothing much is up with my teeth but they have decided at last to put a crown on the broken tooth that has been broken for years and years. His Majesty the tooth.
They did an x-ray and now I feel sick and my mouth feels funny.

I also saw a few people who I really don't want to see, so I am trying to relax and listen to music.

Onwards. I went to the church for lunch and part of the service, I didn't find the service deeply interesting so I didn't stay, and there was a rude man who wouldn't give me space and privacy to say a prayer when I lit my candle because he was in a hurry to light his own candles.
This is why this town irritates me, I may love this town but I need anger management every time I come here.

V. is in the library, all happy, he said hello and wanted to chat but his friends dragged him away because there are so few computers free that they wanted to grab some before they were gone.
I was lucky to get this computer, and there is nowhere to sit and type with my laptop, so I will try and get some work done on email and transfer it to the word processor later.

Good morning bloggypeeps,

It may not have been V. I saw yesterday, he has a brother who looks similar.

Anyway, when the library closed yesterday I went out into the cold and had a brisk walk while I waited for soup kitchen.
I was lucky with soup kitchen, two out of the three staff there knew me and made sure I got food quickly, it was a longer wait for a cup of tea though but once I started on the tea I had rather a lot of it.

some of the younger addicts and alcoholics started arguing, never a good sign, and sure enough a fight broke out. one of the guys bashed his head on the ground when he was knocked over, and started having a fit, it didn't look very convincing but some of the other guys tried to pin him down, which is not what you do with someone who is having a fit, but he started getting up and staggering around and moaning and falling, he had been drinking anyway.
The staff called the police and an ambulance and ten minutes later a police car and and an ambulance car came shooting up simultaneously from opposite directions with sirens and lights going,

They were joined by a police van and two more cars and then a full sized ambulance and it was quite a scene.

Two of the guys started reminiscing about times when they had been arrested, one said he missed being arrested, I said I was in the wrong company and the soup kitchen lady laughed and told the guy that if he missed being arrested he should go over and speak to the police.
As one of the police cars pulled away, one of the guys, totally high, ran in front of the police car and said 'you forgot to say goodbye!'.
He was lucky that the police had another job to go to. They let him get away with it.
The guy who was injured was taken to hospital but I don't know if his attacker was arrested or not.

I talked to the soup kitchen lady and she said that there were a lot of fights here now, it used to be peaceful some time back when I used to come here every night, but a lot of non-genuines come along now and tend to be drinking and using drugs.
None of my pals except Leo, who is only vaguely a pal, were there.
There was a new guy who was very polite and grateful for his food and he shook hands with me and introduced himself.

After soup kitchen I went up to the 24 hour toilets to put my thermals on, I was surprised to find the toilets locked, they must have had trouble. I used my key and went in the disabled toilets, I changed and I half expected the friendly security guard to be in the hall when I came out, but there was no sign of him, he lets me use the toilets to change my clothes and always seems shocked that I am homeless.

I go looking for cardboard and find just about enough, and then I head for my porchway.
The night is clear and cold and because I am just back I am nervous of settling in my pochway but eventually I use the drain and settle down.
I sleep for an hour and get up needing the loo again, all that tea!
I rearrange my pillow as I am getting a headache, and I wrap my spare jumper round my head and neck.

I sleep again but I wake every hour, I need the loo and I am not quite warm enough and I am nervous, at one point I think a car has come up and turned round but I am not sure, at another point I dream I am being attacked, I often have this dream but I cry out to Jesus and I wake up and there is no attacker, and then at one point I wake and am suffering distress and flashbacks for a while but I pray and I sleep again.

I wake in the cold early morning, my alarm is buzzing, and I try to stop it, it stops and goes on snooze and buzzes intermittently.
At about 6am I get up, I have managed to switch my phone to French language while trying to stop it buzzing, but thankfully I haven't accidentally phoned anyone, as I have before.
I dump my cardboard in the bin and walk towards town, I stash my sleeping bag and spare clothes on the way.
6.30am, my search for stickers is fruitless, I only have one.
The street cleaner girl goes past and shouts hello to me, she is one of us really, only she has a flat, but she often ignores everyone or rages so I am glad she is in a good mood.

I find an old bottle and fill it with water and climb up on the wall, I have no money so I get my stove and brew kit out and brew coffee, this coffee is made with powdered milk, which I am allergic to, but I need a hot drink, it is bitter cold.
I sit and drink coffee and look up at the white-blue beautiful sky and watch the clouds rolling in. Beautiful, I am privilaged to see this and it makes me feel better.
7am, two hours until the library opens, two hours to kill, I check the bins again but there is nothing, I notice a few bins are missing, I must grumble to the council, they have been removing my valuable bins without warning me. Dont they realise the potential sticker loss.

7.30, I go to have my wash and change my knickers, I don't want to smell bad when I go to the dentist today. I wish I had a change of socks, socks are like gold to a homeless person and my foot is still infected, I wet the sock with TCP, this infection is a real infection, not athletes foot in case you were wondering.

8am, an hour to kill, the vicar is crazily reversing her car in the square and she waves, I want to ask her for a cup of tea but she is obviously busy.
I sit for a very long time and then have another brisk walk, Cheerful is on his pitch, he tells me it is going to be another bad winter and I should get shelter, I tell him I was out the winter before last and survived that and it can't be worse.

Then it is library time, and here I am.

A number of sources of tea are around at 10am, and possibly some beans on toast, yum. And there should be a small praise service and light lunch at church at 1pm.

My home in music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayrkSoVvK7A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__8A9uzMbjo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-RkC6MYT2E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZHYLqs6uEQ&feature=related - I don't like the video, it is the song that is about life and home.

I forgot to say, on Saturday there was a lady at our table at supper who had had a similar cold/flu virus, it seems to be going round, it is mild flu or a bad cold, and it is bad for asthmatic people, the lady on our table was asthmatic and she described the same symptoms as me, even the sudden high temperatures, I was relieved to know that it wasn't just me, she said her temperature rocketed up and down, which was what mine had been doing. I am now recovered, and she was also just about recovered.

Good morning bloggypeeps,
It is a beautiful morning here, just starting to get light, cold and clear, ah beautiful!

Well yesterday I got the train, these trains are very crowded especially at the weekend.

I got a seat, to my surprise, and my seat had a television screen! nyarr, the television was a bit too limited, nothing watchable, but there was a moving map to show where the train was on the route, a bit like aeroplanes have. and it showed the speed of the train -which averaged 110 mph, and also the altitude, which is of no interest at all.

But suddenly my stomach violently clenched, I have never felt anything quite like it, it was a shockingly tight clench and went to my chest as well and I wondered if I was having a heart attack.
It unclenched a bit but felt horrifyingly abnormal.

I went to be sick in the toilet, when I got back someone had taken my seat, despite my backpack being there, and he didn't want to give the seat back, I told him I had had to go to be sick and wasn't well and needed to sit, he replied that if I was sick I should go and stand in the corridor by the toilet, and I replied that I was sick and disabled and standing in the corridor in this state was not going to help me, but he didn't care, so I got the next seat and asked the stewardess if she had any sick bags, she was very kind and got me some brown bags and bottles of water and said that if  I needed anything I should just call her.

As soon as people got off at the next station, the rude man who took my seat got up and moved right up the carriage and so I had my seat back.
I wasn't sick again but I felt very ill and my temperature was going up and down again.
We arrived in London and as soon as I got off the train I found someone's driving licence on the ground and handed it in.

Then I had to work out how to cross London.
I had enough loose change for a single underground ticket but the underground was partially closed, and all the stations that I needed were closed. For engineering work, and even trying to get into the stations to enquire was difficult because it was packed out with lost and bewildered travellers.

So I found a bus stop and a bus that headed in the direction of my destination though didn't arrive exactly where I needed to go. I had no idea how I was going to get further along once this bus reached it's terminus.

It was a long ride, and technically I was already late for the start of the day I was heading to, though no-one would be counting, I just needed my friend to know I was on my way and struggling to get there, but she switches her phone off when she is there.

Anyway, the bus went on and on and I started feeling sick again, for most of the way no one sat with me, but then it got crowded and a family came to sit and a little girl sat with me, I was terrified in case I was sick.
The little girls were so excited to be on the bus, they were watching in amazement as the glass elavators went up in the buildings that we passed.

and then towards the end of the long bus route we came to an intersection and a bus was crossing and it had the name of my destination on, I hurriedly jumped off the bus and went back to the intersection and found a bus stop, the buses were every 10 minutes.
The problem was money, a lot of buses in London only take pre-paid tickets or travel cards, I wasn't sure how much money I had left, and there was no ticket machine in sight.

I counted my money and found that in small change I had enough for a single ticket if I was allowed to buy it on the bus. I was worried. Some buses are not allowed to accept small change.

A bus came and I was really nervous to ask the driver. I asked if I was allowed to pay a cash fare and he smiled and said yes, I asked if he could accept small change and he smiled and said yes.
so I was on the bus!

It was still a 17 minute journey.
And I finally arrived, 2 hours late technically, but no worries, I had missed mass but there was food, soup and rolls, and I drank nearly half a bottle of pop as well.
My friend came and sat on the wall out of the hustle and bustle as we chatted and caught up on things.

Most people were now on work tasks such as cleaning and gardening, but my friend had opted out, she usually gardens, as I do when I am fit, but for some reason I can't remember, she had opted out and was not on duty, neither was I, and we simply sat and drank pop and tea and talked for a long time.

Then it was time for a talk, led by one of the Fathers, it was a good talk. But I had to run to the loo a few times, I wish my insides would sort themselves out!
Then it was tea break, and the Holy Hour.
Holy Hour was good, but there wasn't enough time for me to go to confession, so my friend collared the Father who I have seen for confession in the past and asked him to see me later.
No escape, I get dragged to confession by my ear by this friend! :)
Confession always refreshes me.

Well after Holy Hour, is supper, the most important thing, it is a vigil mass type supper, so we start off by sharing bread and wine and individually saying thank You to God for whatever we have to be grateful for.
I thank God for looking after me and keeping me safe and bringing me back to this haven of peace yet again.

And then supper, served to us by the Brothers. We have a delicious chicken curry and rice, with lots of nice salad and bread.
There is plenty of pop and wine and even beer I think, and lots of cake for dessert.

Then it is getting late, my friend has to take two ladies home and then she comes back for me and two others. One of the ladies has given her a small box of chocolates and she gives those to me.

So we set off, we drop the two other ladies off on the outskirts of London where they live after losing our way a few times, and we head onwards to where she will drop me off, she wants me to come and stay with her and her husband at some point, maybe next time, but not this time, I think they have a lot on their minds at the moment. I am worried for them because I know what is on their minds.

But I am heading somewhere else this time anyway.
She drops me off at the station and I run for the last train and realise I am a few minutes earlier than I thought. So I go to change into my thermals, I manage the leggings before my train is announced.
I grab my things and dive onto the train with my shoelaces undone.

These trains are usually packed with drunks, it is midnight on a Saturday, fortunately it is not as bad as last time, and I find a seat.I get up to put my thermal top on in the toilet, and come back and my seat hasn't been pinched.

The train stops at my hometown, the star shines brightly above it, but it wouldn't be safe to get off the train here, wouldn't do me any good. It would be the end of me.

I wish I could come back to you
I wish I could come home

I change trains at the next station, and again the drunk train is bearable and we arrive at about 1am in the morning.
I walk down to the burger van and get a cuppa off the dodgy blokes there, they get too interested and they sometimes ask me to come and work for them, I think they may be involved in some dodgy stuff but at least they do hot tea at 1am. Today they are too busy to pester me. Lots of drunk people ordering kebabs.

I walk up and look in the chattery shop bins, no blankets, nothing soft or warm.
I go on and look for cardboard, I find some wet duvets in a bin that I look in for cardboard,

By 1.17 on Sunday morning I was bedded down with what cardboard I had gathered, which wasn’t enough, the ground sheet and my sleeping bag with no zip being used as a blanket, and I slept lightly, waking at 3am to go to the toilet and put a foil blanket round me, I must get some more of those.
I slept lightly again until the alarm went off at 5.30am and I stayed on the ground a while, not really warm enough, I got up at 6am and sorted and stashed things.
I am always happy when I wake up here. This is where I should be.
A beautiful clear morning, still dark and the stars shining, lovely. I head off towards McDonalds but I realise it is an ideal time to treasure hunt, a Sunday morning and the street sweepers haven’t yet been, I hunt around for coins dropped by the revellers and find 61p, which is better than nothing.

Dawn begins to break in the east, and I begin to wake up properly, I have had enough sleep to keep me through the day but I am always a bit dozy first thing.
I realise that I am home.

No land's ever claimed me
though far did I roam
for it's here that my heart lies
and I have come home

This is as close as I can safely get to coming home, a brief visit here and there to this end of my home land, I cannot go any further into my homeland safely, but I am always happy for a brief and risky visit.

I see that the church has fencing round the tower, oh dear, that must be falling masonry again.
I go to McD’s and get a cuppa and sit typing until the battery goes dead.
Then it is time to head to church for 8am communion.
The curate greets me but the Vicar is away, the stand in priest comes and shakes hands as the curate has told him my name.

Communion is very well attended, 15 or 20 people. Many of them know my name but I always forget names as I am away too much.
After communion the church warden offers to make me a cuppa, the curate comes along to catch up with my news and asks if I need a cuppa, at the same time as someone else asks, I tell them that the church warden is making the tea.
I am impressed by their caring.
A lovely old chap who is often here comes to greet me and takes my hands, he tells me he is sorry the Vicar is away and she will be sorry to miss me, I say that the vicar is having a very well deserved holiday, and he agrees, he tells me that the Vicar thinks a lot of me and recently did a sermon about me.
Wow! I am amazed, surely I am not notorious enough to be the subject of a sermon!

I drink my tea and my friend comes in and greets me, we talk about books with a member of the choir as she and I are both writing books, then I excuse myself to go and have my wash.
I have my wash and walk on down the road, over the roundabout and under the bridge, along to my other church for the main service.

I stop to pick some lavender at the gate and rub it to get some scent, the minister sees me as he walks across the car park and he grins and comes to hug me ‘You’ve picked the right day’ he tells me, it’s the harvest service and we are having a buffet lunch afterwards!’
We go in to the church and I have arrived quite early so I have a cup of tea and wait.

The service is good, as usual, this is one place where I feel completely relaxed and happy in worship, with almost no flashbacks.
There is a little toddler girl who doesn’t go out for Sunday School, she wanders round and round, in and out of the band and the harvest tables and chatters happily, she is not a nuisance or a distraction, she just makes a happy church happier.

We have communion and the little girl plays with everyone including me, and her parents who are new are officially accepted as members of the church. Lovely, we are all happy and it is good to be here.
The lunch afterwards is a scrumptious feast and I am happy to be here with my beloved people.
The minister and his wife come up quietly and ask if I would like to come home for a shower and to sort my things that I have stashed in their garage, and I say yes please.

So we set off home and I have a shower and a nose at my things in their garage, the best thing is that I have a small duvet and a cushion here and I need these.
I end up staying and we sit and watch television and have some tea and toast, and then it is time for evening church, they ask if I would like to sleep in the conservatory for the night and because I am so tired I say yes.

We go to the evening service which is tea and biscuits and lots of laughing alongside a good solid worship and preaching, they say a prayer for me as they sometimes do, and I always feel a bit honoured and overwhelmed by this. It is good to see some old friends there and I show them the card that they gave me a long time ago that I still carry in my wallet, it says 'You'll find shelter beneath the wings of Almighty God' on it.

Then we head back and have some more supper and watch more television, the minsister says that they would like me to be a member of the church and for them as a church to take responsibility for me, he says they all love me. I am not sure I understand the responsibility thing, I have to take responsibility for myself, and when I have let church people be responsible for me before it has damaged me so much, I do love this church but my faith and fellowship is not just with them, there are other churches and commitments in my life, but I am deeply honoured that they want me. Very honoured.

And then it is bed time, I lie down on the floor with my duvet and cushion and I sleep.
I wake up in the morning as it is getting light but because I am not sleeping rough it is tempting to stay lying there, the minister’s wife softly wakes me to tell me I should get the loo before her husband has his wash as he takes ages.
I dash to the loo, the minister’s wife is having her quiet time so I go and lie down for a bit longer until the minister tells me to shift my lazy bones.
We have a nice breakfast and then they start persuading me to wear a coat, they provide a coat as an incentive, so I guess I will wear a coat.

We head for the church, the rain during the night has shown up some leaks, so busy operations and patching up are going on, I help with some light bulb changes and shifting the harvest goods from church to car so that they can go to the basics bank, then we have a good old cup of tea and bicuit.
Then we head down to the basics bank to drop the harvest goods off, and we laugh because my friend runs the basics bank and I may be one of the ones who actually comes and gets some of these goodies at a later date.
Then we go shopping and home for lunch, the I start writing. I get a chunk of the book written.

The minister and I exchange some flippant remarks at some point and then he tells me that I should move to this district so we can talk more.
I tell him I will move here next year and he snorts as if I am joking, but I am not.

They want me to stay another night and I agree because they are so kind, I can't really turn them down just because I want my porch. Part of being in this area is the delight of my porch and the solitude, I love my porch and sleeping areas, I love brewing coffee and cooking tins on the stove, I love the early mornings wandering the streets, I love my other various assorted people and activities here, but because this couple want me to stay a bit I will leave everything else until next time, which also means no internet access so I am writing the blog on the word processor to transfer it to the blog once I am back online.

One of the ladies in church has given me a sleeping bag and a poncho.
I am going to write her a thank you letter because she is a lovely lady, she always makes me a cuppa and tries to feed me biscuits and cakes.

The minister gets me a cup of tea and a biscuit at bed time and I tuck down to sleep in my new sleeping bag on their conservatory floor.
I sleep well and dream of air stewardesses and Australia, I think I am in someone else's dream!
I wake in the early morning, it is raining lightly, I wander to the loo and then I suddenly worry about my alarm on my phone going off and waking everyone because I have left it in my backpack in the spare room.
I go to check and startle the poor minister who is already awake.
He goes to have his wash and I go back to the conservatory and doze off again until I am told to get my lazy bones off the floor.

There are flashbacks and bad memories just as there are always are when I am indoors, but now they are faint so I can struggle them aside.
The minister asks if I mean it about coming back to live, and if God really did indicate that that will happen. Yes, my bones will rest here in this district (or my ashes if possible), this is my home and when God has mercy I want to come home.

We have breakfast and then I sort my things out and leave some things there and take get my bags ready, and then I say goodbye to the minister's wife and the minster drives me to the station to drop me off, I show him the process of getting a ticket because he doesn't like or know about such things and we say goodbye. And then I walk straight onto the train.

As usual I am sorry to have to leave, but I have no choice at the moment, the depression didn't really allow me to feel joy at being here this time, and I haven't done all my usual things, but it has been comforting to once again come safely home.

The train hurries on it's way, past the home of my childhood, past where my sister attempted suicide, past where I attempted suicide, and on through a place of sad and bad memories that haven't healed. Onwards and then to a station where I change trains, I am out of the memories zone when we get there, the memories of that place should be happy, but sadly they are horrifying, I cannot see the joy and love for my homeland through the horror and grief, so I read my book until we reached the point where I change trains, and then it is onwards to London.
The trains for the whole journey are stress free and quiet enough for me, and I read my book and eat my sandwiches.
We arrive in London and fortunately the onward ticket I already have allows an underground jouney so I cross London from one main station to another easily.

I get to the main station that I need and I look at train times, I could run for one that goes in two minutes or I could wait half an hour. So I wait, I get some more cheap sandwiches as I wait.
I get on the train, and again it is not too crowded, it is good to travel on a weekday at non-peak time.
I have a seat by the luggage rack and stow my luggage, occasionally I get tap water to drink, it is not meant for drinking, but I need water. I hang my head out the window here and there as we go, and no one nicks my seat.
I am not sick, I am not couging much, no upset stomach, nothing wrong today apart from the infection in my foot.

Finally we arrive, and I feel love and irritation as usual for this town.
I walk up to town, the gallery isn't open today, I use the last of my money on a cup of tea at the market, I am now going to rely on soup kitchen for my next meal and hot drink.

And here I am in the library.

V. is in the library, he looks different and he hasn't spoken to me yet.

Hi Bloggys,
yes I am back online, I have made lots of journeys, seen lots of friends and been far away from the internet as I concentrated on time with friends and writing my book.
I think I am on page 87 of the book now, this book is the full and thorough story, and the average book is 250-300 pages, so I have a bit of a way to go yet.

I will update you fully later today.

Yes I got too hot and am now in pain, also yes I do have flashbacks.
Damn indoors. I need a kip down spot outdoors.
I just get too weak and tired to find one.
and I am still having hot flushes.

I am too young to be menopausal.

Today I have to get to London but I have no idea how I will cross London,
as usual I haven't enough money.

Well the dorm wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be.
It wasn't even as crowded as it had first looked to be, it had looked bad because people who had left had left their bedding and no one had moved it, and some people were using spare bunks as storage.

I managed to get a lower bunk on my own on a set of bunks, it reminds me horribly of growing up in bunks with my sister.
But I have a power socket for the computer and there is wifi, there are empty lockers next to me, and actually none of these people are posh, they are mainly immigrants here looking for work, same as last time but this time they don't sneer at me and belittle me as they did in a previous disasterous experience of a backpacker hostel.

I use my teeshirt and thermal leggings as pyjamas, I go on the computer until I start falling asleep, then I lie down and sleep and forget to worry about keeping people awake by snoring, I have taken my snore medicine and the girl in the next set of bunks is snoring slightly anyway.

I sleep like a dead person until just before my alarm at 7am.
I am the first up and I buzz into the shower and wash.
Then I head down here and log on.
Breakfast isn't until 8am today.

The sky has nw cleared after a night of heavy rain.

I forgot a few things, at soup kitchen one of the homeless men came and asked how come I wasn't in the shelter any more. I explained to him that I had only been in because I was at high risk of pneumonia and now I was back out. He obviously understood and said something about how I had endured indoors to avoid pneumonia, he shook hands with me and said I should stop and say hi when I see him in town.
I think he sells the Big Issue.

The other refreshing thing was when two of the alcoholics were begging as I went to collect my bags, they turned to beg from me and one of them said 'oh sorry, I know you, see you later' he obviously thinks I am still in the shelter, but after months of harsh aggressive beggars refusing to accept I was homeless in the other town, it is good to be back among a real homeless community again! :)

Hi bloggys,
I thought I would update you from McD's.
There is nowhere else to sit and shelter, it is pouring with rain and it is 5 minutes until the soup run.

The library closes at 5pm on a Friday, hence me logging off early.
I was surprised by the manager in the library as I walked out with my duvet in a bag.

'That's not your bed is it?' he asked in soft local accent
'Yes it is' I tell him.
'Not for more than one night?' He asks,
'yes, permenantly' I tell him.
He looks horrified.
'It looks heavy' he says,
I tell him it is not heavy, just bulky.
He wishes me well and apologizes for having to turn me out so early into the rain, and I tell him I will survive.
'I hope so' he says.

This short conversation helps to ease the annoyance at the rude lady earlier, the rude lady can't be a local. People are so nice here.

As I walk outside my faith is further restored when a homeless guy shouts hello and asks if I am ok.
For so long, too long I was living in a homeless community where the only person who asked if I was ok was the rapist and he was just jeering. It is so healing to be in such a friendly town.

It is raining and raining, my food sadly has not healed after a lot of infection came out of it, infection is still building up and coming out and though it briefly got a bit better it now is sore again and I am nervous walking through the crowds because I don't want my foot trodden on. The other day in the other town, one of the people at the daycentre was being an idiot and he trampled heavily on my sore foot and threw even more of a tantrum instead of apologizing.
He is not homeless but he is very badly behaved and I was quite annoyed. So I am very nervous about my foot. Feet that get infected are potentially a serious problem both with mobility and with infection potentially going into the bloodstream, and when you walk in boots all day it makes it worse.

I have rarely had my feet trodden on and it is ironic that the guy at the daycentre trod on it when it is so sore. He is like a child that guy and was being silly because he wasn't allowed to eat all the food and sweets that are supposed to be shared round, he wanted the lot. I know I am childish but not like that.

Anyway, I had to start scouting round for a sleeping place, a sheltered one as it will rain all night, I managed to get through the traffic to look at the arches. Lots of towns have arches, the ones in this town that aren't fenced up are a bit too exposed and it is likely that the outreach pester anyone who tries to sleep down there. So I don't know where I will sleep.

It is pouring with rain. I head for McD's, I mean, where else can I shelter and sit and drink tea and chat to you?
again, don't worry about me tomorrow, I am on my travels.

ah here I am again peeps, at the backpacker hostel, why here and not the homeless shelter? well the shelter has no showers, and they are obliged to try and process me into the housing system if I keep turning up, which means attempts to force me into the awful hostels and humiliating pointless meetings and red tape that is impossible to cut, all to try and house me when I cannot be housed and cannot get through the system.

When I left McD's I went to soup kitchen, it was good, sheltered in a big porch because of torrential rain.
Then I came to the hostel, because my chest is rattling and I am disorientated and disheartened by too much time indoors, foggy with depression and the flashbacks that all this time indoors is causing and just unable to get myself sheltered from another night in the rain with no enough bedding.
I wish my friends would stop praying for me to stop indoors, they are playing havoc with my life.

I am in big dormitory, I cannot afford a room, there are lots of women and I am afraid that I will snore and keep them awake or scream in terror in my sleep as I once did in a dorm full of women and I was so embarrassed.
I do not like dorms, I feel embarrassed, I have no pyjamas and my clothes and hair are wet, I smell wet, most of my stuff is in a locker on the landing so I can do a runner when I have slept or even rested enough. I have had bad experiences in dorms and am not deeply happy, but at least I am out of the weather on a weekend night and can shower and keep warm and dry..
I have only enough money for tomorrow's ticket and then I am destitute.

When I left the hostel this morning I went to drop my backpack off in storage, it is a bit lighter because I have sorted through it and thrown half of my worldly goods away.

Then I went to the library, first thing I did was return two of my books through the self service machine, the machine was being naughty and also scanned the book I was not returning even though it was still in my bag, I called the librarian over and she laughed and said that the machine was being too clever.
She re-issued the book that the machine had grabbed.

Then I set up the computer and got some of my book written, a few pages of the worst year of my younger life.
And then I thought it may be lunchtime, so I went looking for lunch, which is quite a task in this town, and in the end it was time for the afternoon daycentre and another of the clients was heading that way and dragged me along there by my ear (only joking) so I sat in there and read my book, again it was a book with similarities to my story, and I drank lots of tea, and the staff found me a spare duvet for tonight.

Then back into the wild. It has been wet and rainy for the last 24 hours, with no change, and the forecast is bad for tonight.
No worries.
I am looking forward to my lovely soup kitchen.

I went to put my duvet in storage but there was only a rude backpacker there, hm, it is turning into a stressful day, I went to the Post Office to make sure I could get money for tomorrow, but as I am at the counter waiting to take my money out, some woman comes tearing up and barges me out the way, claiming she left her bag there, every time I try to put my card in the machine this woman barges again and the assistant says and does nothing, so I walk away, get another ticket and wait to go to another counter.

I feel sorry for the two children with that rude woman, they are being brought up to believe that it is ok to shove people out the way and ignore their priority with no apology.

Anyway, rant over.
Time for a nice cup of tea.

Right, the library closes in a few minutes, I have very little internet access over this weekend especially as I am on the move now for a few days, I will update you if and when I can, but just don't worry.

good morning bloggypeeps,
Nothing much to tell you yet, I slept and woke up just before 7, I am having flashbacks and distress from beng indoors.
I had breakfast, included in the room price. marmalade on toast, tea and juice.
I am a boring breakfast person.
And I had a shower, in the same shower room as I showered in years ago, how funny.

I must tell you some books.
In the last few days I have read Judy Westwood's book 'Nowhere to Run'. I have previously read her original book 'street kid', which is a rather stunning account oof how she was neglected and abandoned and spent time on the streets as a child, 'Street kid' had some similarities to my own life, though I think she had it tougher, and 'Nowhere to run shows how, as in my life, in Judy's life, because of her background, she grew up not knowing enough about safe and healthy relationships and was further abused.
In a kind of happy ending she was able to help other abused street kids.
Sadly my joy in life, helping other people, has been taken off me, as a homeless person I am not even allowed to give blood.

The other book I have read in the last few days is 'Shame Travels' by  Jasvinder Sanghera, this is her third book, she wrote, 'Shame' and 'The daughter's of Shame', describing how as a teenager who had been born in England to Indian parents, she was to be taken to India to an arranged marriage and she rebelled and refused to go, ran away from her family and was disowned, and painfully built her life away from the traditional closeness of an Indian family, then she founded Karma Nirvana, a charity that worked to help victims of forced marriage and honour-based violence.
'Shame travels' describes Jasvinder's journey to India to be reuinited with relatives while her own sisters in England still reject her.
Amazing. she has worked so hard to save lives and prevent teenagers being forced into marriage and taken abroad for marriage against their wishes.

I hope it is not illegal to share my brief book reviews but I read a book within a few hours and I just find it so helpful to know of other people who have turned dire circumstances into triumph.
I tried to, I tried so hard.
I spend so many hours doing volunteer work because I wanted to make life better for others, sadly I wasn't able to recover my life and go on being effective in helping others.

Well after my four hour nap I was thirsty so I went and sourced some apple juice and a cup of tea.
Then I went and collected my big backpack from storage.

Then I came back to the hostel and chose a nice big shower cubicle with a proper door and plenty of space, and I had a nice soapy shower, I army dried myself while using my big travel towel as a nice bath mat, and then I wandered back to read my book for a while, then it was time for soup kitchen.

Soup kitchen was good, no milky coffee but plenty of sandwiches and coffee and soup.
The staff are very caring, they don't hide in a van or behind a stall here, they get out and care, and the homeless people are as polite and friendly as before.
One of the homeless has heard that I was in the other town and he comes and talks to me as that is where he is from.

Another homeless man is very drunk and unsteady, and the staff tend kindly to him.
The staff ask if I sleep by the canal and I tell them that I associate canal camps with one of my fellow homeless being set fire to and burned to death so I never sleep by canals.
The drunk man catches a few words of what I said and he staggers over and asks if I was burned, I say no it was someone else who got burned, the drunk guy shows us his arm and hand and tells us how he rescued a baby from a house fire and how his arm and hand had to be reconstructed.
He recieved a medal and met the queen.

The streets are full of forgotten heroes, I know another very ill and alcoholic homeless man who ended up brain damaged and epileptic when he jumped in front of a car to rescue a child who was about to be hit, he was an ex-soldier as well.

Anyway, there is a reason that homeless people sleep by canals but I think I had better not share it. I never will sleep near a canal.

The soup run people are very nice to me and one of them is an ex-social worker who understands trauma and that I need psychological help rather than any other form of intervention.

So I toddle back to the hostel via a brisk walk round and round the block, just because that is how I feel.
The beggars here are not aggressive or annoying, they wave to me and say 'hope your night goes ok'.
I am dead impressed with this town and both the homeless and the outreach, I have been in hell with regards to homeless community for some time and it is good to know that there is still good homeless community left.

Back in the hostel I return to my book. WiFi is bad upstairs so I have popped down here for a bed time hot chocolate and to update the blog, now I am going upstairs to do some writing of my book and to do some reading, sort my backpack out and possible sleep somewhere among those tasks.

Goodnight moon, goodnight Jan, goodnight eyupmiducks, goodnight friends and bloggypeeps.

Hi Bloggypeeps,

Well I went to the daycentre and drank plenty of tea,
they had sandwiches and cake there, the cake is a kind of hot gooey chocolate cake that people in this part of the world seem to consume regularly, I like it and I tell the staff so.

I sit and read a while then I dither over train tickets and eventually don't buy them yet. The price will stay the same.

I go to the backpacker hostel, a room will be the same price as a room at the old chap's place, and there are showers and it include's breakfast and is right next to soup kitchen.
I check in, it is 12.30 midday and I am booked in in a room opposite the one I had years ago, the room is too hot and very basic but I fall into bed and sleep for four hours.

I just woke up.
My foot exploded and all the infection has come out so it feels better. I still feel a bit grotty and tired but I am mending.

Good morning bloggyshapedpeeps,

Last night I got four books out of the library, then I headed for the soup run,
I had been told that it was in 'the car park opposite the backpacker hostel' which sounds simple but there are four sides of the backpacker hostel and three car parks opposite it on different sides.

I am wrong on the first car park but the second one reveals the usual suspects skulking in the shadows, and within minutes a soup run appears.

I am extremely impressed with the soup run, there is complete calm, no shoving and grabbing, people walk round handing out sandwiches, fruit, chocolate and crisps, there is plenty of space and the only thing you have to go to the table for is coffee and soup, there are no ques or squabbles.

I am amazed to find that they do 'proper coffee' -all milk coffee or milky coffee as it is called on the market, known in coffee shops as 'latte', I adore milky coffee and no one knows it because I am known as a tea addict, milky coffee is my secret favourite but I can't drink much of it as it can upset my insides.
I have never known a soup kitchen to do milky coffee before. I enjoy a few cups of coffee and there is no hassle, no que, everyone is very quiet and calm.

A volunteer comes up and says he hasn't seen me here before, so I tell him I am new, I also tell him this is a very calm and nice soup kitchen, he tells me it can be busier but one church is doing a four course meal for the homeless.
an old homeless woman who I have never met before comes over to me and says 'are you coming up the slope, they do tea and cake there', I am puzzled because the soup kitchen do tea and cake anyway', the woman bustles off and I wonder what she meant, but the volunteer comes back and explains, he tells me that there is a church gathering in a room up the slope and they come and invite the homeless and they do tea and cake and worship.
Wow, what a lot there is on offer for the homeless in this town! I am surprised because it is a small town and also I knew none of this when I was here briefly before.

The minister comes down and talks to me and sends me up the slope to meet his wife where the church are gathering, I explain to him that I am ill and can't stay long as I need to go to the shelter and sleep. He says they will pray for me before I go.
I go into the church room and meet the minister's wife, and she makes me a cuppa, there is plenty of cake but I was well fed at soup kitchen and even took away enough for a meal tomorrow.

There is opening prayer when the minister comes back, I am sitting with the old homeless lady and she makes a fuss of me, then the minister and other gather round and pray for me, and then we have some lovely worship hymns and then I slip away to collect my backpack and go into the shelter, there is a homeless man in the shelter who asks how my day was, he asks my name and then he goes round the room shouting the men's names out to me and telling them my name.

I have another lot of hot and cold and breathlenessness and I have a cup of tea and settle to sleep.
Unlike earlier I am now wide awake and more energetic and cannot settle to sleep so easily, but eventually I sleep.

I dream that I am dead, there is a coffin and I am simply not existing any more, my family turn up, vague and troubled as usual, then they tell me that it was a mistake, I was dead but they realised from me having surgery on the wrong arm that I was not actually dead so they had me revived.
Nice of them to trouble.
I woke up baffled by the dream and wandered out to the loo. It is getting up time, on the dot, and I get some tea and toast and then head out.

I feel weak and all the infection is coming out of my lungs so I cough up a lot, and bring some breakfast up with it.
I sit and read my book and then I have my wash and put my backpack in storage, I go to the station to enquire ticket prices, and I go to the post office for money and phone credit, my text messaging service wont work so I phone my friend who sent a text saying she was concerned for me, I tell her I am ok and that I had no credit and was ill and had a dead phone etc and I tell her I will see her on Saturday.

Then I wander in here to the library to update you.
My next moves are to book train tickets and to go in daycentre1 and eat and drink things.

It is a bright morning sunshine with small clouds.

For the eyupmiducks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q671QIDeH-U&feature=related

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hoobs

I went up to the backpacker hostel and asked about rooms, they had one free and I vaguely hoped to book it after I had been to speak to the nightshelter lady and then I would be able to go back to bed and sleep for 18 hours.

I went and had a cup of tea at a church and found out that I had just missed a homeless meal that they do twice a week, then I went to speak to the nightshelter lady, and that turned out to be ok because they have me on record from years ago anyway and they are quite happy to let me be me and let me go when I am ready, so I may as well stay awake until this evening and sleep in my Hoobypod in the nightshelter.

The nightshelter told me that there was another daycentre open for a few hours, and one of them walked up there with me, it is a little daycentre with plenty of tea, open a few hours a day just as most daycentres are now, but open in the afternoon while the other one is in the morning.

The staff there make me welcome and tell me that there is a soup run every evening at 7pm, so that is where to go between library and nightshelter.

I am still having fits of hot and cold and also exploding. I wish I was in a cool bed in a cold room with an ice pack on my head melting nicely and keeping me cool.

I walked round the outdoors shops, I need new boots, a new shewee, and some hand warmers (I use them as hot water bottles when I am sleeping out), I also need winter clothes and a good sleeping bag.

None of the shops are selling hand warmers yet, that surprises me.

I like this town, I liked it last time but I wasn't sure I still would, I still do, it makes me smile.

This morning I sheltered from the rain in the council porch and a kind lady came out and said that if I was waiting for the council they were opening late and if I was just sheltering I was welcome.

How nice.

Nice people.

This is the second library I have joined this week, this is because I liked the look of some books here.

Good morning bloggypeeps,
I see you are eagerly waiting for an update :)

Well last nigh when the library closed I went to McD's and sat there with a cuppa as I waited for the nightmare shelter to open.

Then I went to the night shelter, I was welcomed and given curry and rice that helped to clear my head a bit.

The shelter looks similar despite being partially moved due to building work, they are using part of the next door church hall.
The men have their dormitory on the church hall floor, each has a mattress and an army sleeping bag, the staff have their office in the kitchen, and the loos are portaloos outside.

My bed is in a pod, a kind of cupboard, which is separate from the men's dormitory, and there are no showers. Last time I was here I was alone in the women's wing, which was a 3 bed room with a private shower room, very nice, but the pod is ok, I wont mind the enclosedness because I need the sleep and warmth because I am poorly. And I am reminded of 'Hooby-pods' I used to get up early and watch Open University and the hoobs, and I always wanted to sleep in a Hooby-pod like the ones the hoobs slept in, and now I get to sleep in a hooby pod! yay.

I tuck down to sleep at 8.30, I am glad there are no other women as I know I snore and am hot and restless at the moment. The mattress is nice and hard, which helps.
I am snoring before I am even alseep properly.
I sleep solidly and dream vaguely about traffic wardens, I wake at 6.30am, 30 minutes before wake up call.
I am very hot and I need the loo and am uncomfortable, this is how I usually feel when I wake up indoors.

I walk carefully through the lines of sleeping and waking men and go to the portaloo.
The men who are awake say good morning and I am reminded of the polite friendliness of this part of the world after so long in less friendly parts. I had wondered when i came back here if I was just remembering through rose coloured spectacles but no, it is a friendlier and calmer part of the world.

I go back to my pod and try to doze for a bit longer, but the call of the tea is too much and I get up and get my tea and toast just before the wake up call.

The man on duty tells me to come back to the daycentre later for form filling and things.
I say ok but I tell him I am unlikely to be staying around.

I feel generally a bit better, with the infection in my foot and on my nose both a bit less, and my lungs and nose are a bit clearer too.

I go out and wait for the luggage service up the road to open, I have a wash in the toilets, the luggage service is £3 to leave the bag until 11pm this evening.

I walk along and stop to look at the huge rain clouds boiling over on the horizon, beautiful, I stand and daydream, looking at the park and remembering it white with frost and snow years ago, as I stand there dozily, those big rain clouds hurry in and start raining busily on me.
Legend according to housedwellers is that getting wet when you're ill is bad for you, so I go and hide in a phone box and put my day bag on the handy shelf in there while I watch the rain until it eases.

I go to the chemists, the first chemist has my magic medicine for only £3, but none of the other things I need, so I go to a second chemist, they have TCP and I also get some vitamins as my immune system is obviously down, two harsh colds in a month or so is pretty bad, and I know it is not vitamin C and Zinc that I need, more vitamin B and D, which helps with the immune system. I get a multi vitamin and mineral supplement in case anything else is lacking.
The only thing they don't have is Difflam, and I need that as the sore in my mouth is not the wisdom tooth, it is a big apthous ulcer hiding in the gum by the wisdom tooth, also an indicator that I am run down.
So I have to find difflam elsewhere.

I stop to gargle some TCP and put some on the infections, I soak my sock in TCP to help the sore foot, (the other disinfectant doesn't really make any difference, I always swear by TCP and it also tastes better than the disinfectant).

I suddenly go hot and breathless again, what on earth is wrong with me? then I go cold, and weak.
I head for the daycentre.

At the daycentre there are biscuits and chocolate everywhere, plenty of tea, and big piles of egg sandwiches made with tiger bread.

The men are as polite as usual and everyone has lots of space, as is usual in this area and with these people.

A member of staff asks if I can come back later for a chat and paperwork and I say yes, in the meantime I am allowed to sit and read the papers and drink tea, I do have few chocolates and an egg sandwich despite it not being lunch time yet.

Then I head back outside, and suddenly I feel very weak again and hot and cold.
I walk on but I bring the tea and food back up as I walk, I hate people having to see me bring my food up, this is not the actual vomituing which I also do, this is just that the food gets blocked and cannot reach my stomach so it comes back up.
I head for the library and have to run for the toilets again.
I think when I go to the hospital next week I will ask them if they can do a test for H. Pylori and then maybe antibiotics would improve my health a lot if it turns out to be that.

Here I am on the laptop hub, which is normally crowded by territorial people, there is plenty of space but I will have to run for the loo again in a minute.
There is a good set of loos and a respectable cafe just by the library.

after my cuppa at McD's this morning there was an awful lot of time to kill, there are no post office cash points in this town and so I am forced to wait until 9.00 before I can gte any of my latest lot of benefit money.

Two hours is a long time to kill when you are very tired and are carrying a heavy load.

I go into a 24 hours gymn and look at their computers in pretence of being interested in membership, and I sit out on a bench but it starts to rain, cold rain.
I go into a chemist shop and have a look at what they sell.

I sit out again when the rain stops, and I read the metro.
Then it is coming up to 9am and I go to the Post Office, only to find that they don't open until 9.30 on a Tuesday.

I go and sit outside and rummage in my bag, I find my oil, it is menthol not clove, and I find my cough mixture, not that that works. I also find a little chocolate bar, which is nice because I am now very hungry.
Then I go and have my wash.

The Post Office opens and I go to withdraw my money, then I go accross to the cafe and get some breakfast and tea.
as soon as I have eaten I feel queasy and I hurry to the toilet, my stomch churns but I am not sick, so I leave, but as I leave I realise I am going to be sick after all and I hurry back into the toilet and spectacularly aim at the toilet as I vomit, and most of it goes in.
I am pretty sure that my whole breakfast simply came straight back up, so that was a waste.

I went to the shop and got some lozenges and antacids, and then went to the tea stall and had a few quiet teas without being sick. and Left my bag in left luggage until 4pm

Then I shakily made my way to the daycentre, I kept going boiling hot and shaking cold again.
Got to the daycentre and found it very crowded due to another outreach nearby being closed.
I got a cuppa but I felt quite ill, so the staff put a chair in a quiet corner and let me rest while the others qued up for lunch, there must have been more than a hundred queing, this is a one off due to the other place being closed for deep cleaning.
Eventually I joined the back of the que and got some pasta bake and chocolate pudding, delicious, my stomach turned but I wasn't sick.

Then I went back to snoozing on my chair and reading a book of course.
Then it was my turn in the shower, and I didn't want to come out,
the water was so refreshing and soothing.
But there were other people waiting, so I dragged myself out and went to drink tea and read my book.

This is my type of daycentre, no sign in, no records, just come and go, sometimes this type of daycentre is more relaxed and easy. And some of the guys are quite polite, they say hello and ask how I am.
The staff are nice enough to me as well. The right balance.

As I left the daycentre I started feeling very shaky again. So I got the bus up to where my bag was stored and got my bag and then made the ten or fifteen minute journey up to the next town, there is a night shelter and a backpacker hostel in the next town and I have stayed in both of those, and my plan was to check out the backpacker hostel again.
But because I am ill and tired I stop at the nightshelter instead, they are open for outreach and they book me in for 8pm this evening when the shelter opens and they let me sit and drink tea, and they offer me soup.
I am safely in there tonight because I am too ill to be on the streets.
I am still on the records at the shelter as I stayed a night years ago.

I have a bad cold with a chest infection and a temperature, I don't know why I was sick though, I also have an infection in my good foot that is making walking more difficult.

after having a few cuppas at the outreach I start walking here to the library but building works get in the way and I suddenly get an upset stomach and have to run to get here to the toilets.
Oh Lord, why am I ill?

Tonight is also going to be wet, it is raining now.

Good morning bloggypeeps,

Well last night I staggered up the long steep road to my previous sleeping place, deciding that I would at least stay in that area for the moment.
There were people in the building by where I sleep and I wondered if they had discovered that I slept there, but I realised they just rent a room there on a Monday night, so I moved into the shelter of a nearby porch (too exposed to sleep in) and waited.
They had gone by 10pm, and I wandered over to bed down.
sadly the sleeping bag I had been given turned out to be a child's sleeping bag, and so I was a tad stumped by that.
the ground was wet, and I had no cardboard, so I unzipped the little sleeping bag and used it as a gound sheet, and put the wool blanket over me and tried to sleep.
The students have not long started back at University and they were noisily motoring up and down most of the night, it looked like the older students were showing the new students how to spend their grant money on drink, so it was a tad noisy but not unbearable, basically that kind of noise doesn't stop me sleeping, though sudden shrieks sometimes do wake me up.

The ground was too wet, and the sleeping bag was wet, the wool blanket was not enough cover in itself, and I dozed and woke up shivering and cramped in my little corner.
I am really struggling to breathe, and I have lost my cough medicine and clove oil, so I take my inhalers.

I usually have emergency blankets in my bag, the refective foil things, useless and ineffective in any wind and very hard to hold onto and keep round you, but I pulled one of them out of my bag and wrapped it round me and then put the wool blanket on top. Blissful warmth, I desparately need sleep.
I drift off into sleep and wake every hour to turn over and re-adjust, but apart from that I sleep undisturbed until 5am, it was due to rain at 5am but it is not raining, I lie there and doze, the foil blanket has stayed round me and is warm but also wet from perspiration, they always end up like that.

I had one dream that I remember, I dreamed that some of my 'friends' from one church were being scornful about my hospital appointment and telling me that I am not dying as I sat on the ground coughing and scratching my skin off. Very negative, and they would never talk to me like that in real life, they are nice people.

I get up and sort myself out into one backpack and a bag for the blanket and one for the sleeping bag, and I water the drain.
It is 5.40am when I move out. I dump the sleeping bag in a nearby commercial waste skip.
I start walking but I am walking slow, my foot is infected and I am coughing a lot, at least I am coughing up and my system is clearing and my temperature is going down.
The nurse in London told me to keep taking my reliever inhaler when I am like this.

It takes me an hour to get into town, and I am grateful that it doesn't rain.
I use the last of my money for a cuppa at McD's.

Goodnight moon, goodnight Jan, goodnight Mummy, Goodnight bloggypeeps.
I feel cold in my bones and hot in my head and my chest is rattly,
so I am going to my sleepyplace.

I didn't say much about how the journey has affected any injuries or anything.
Well it hasn't been too bad considering the amount of walking and carrying I have been doing.

I bit of a twinge here and there, some chest pain, thankfully negligagble shoulder or neck pain.
So all is well really, considering the huge stressful journey, the walking, the carrying, the sleeping in a new place.
I am just worried because someone has texted saying they are concerned about me and I don't have credit tonight or their email address.

I am fine.
The homeless community here is the type that I am ok with, similar to the next town along that was once a haven to me.
So no worries, but prayers for me tonight please, as I look for a nice kip down spot. :)

Hello bloggypeeps,
Remind me never to travel on a Sunday, the trains are too busy, everywhere is closed and it is not fun.

I went up to the station after my cuppa in McD's, but the price of the first train had gone up, I needed more money anyway, and I had not washed and had a proper breakfast.
I wasn't looking forward to going all the way back accross town to the cash point with my heavy bags, so I decided to stop at the market for tea hour, and have my wash at the market toilets.

I got to the market and the Puppet man was counting his money, he offered me a handful of money and asked if he could buy me a tea, I agreed to a tea, but he wanted to buy me a bacon roll too, he likes to help the homeless so I let him buy me my breakfast.

He told me that the lot up the row were talking squit, and they probably were.
Then he started talking about a daughter who he fathered with a chat line girl, he says that his daughter doesn't know him but she now also does the chat lines, he was speculating on what would happen if he phoned her up and said 'Hello, it's your daddy here!'
I said that she would probably say 'Daddy, can I have all that maintenance that you owe!'
Puppet Man thought that was funny.
But he went on about television X and Bluebird and the chat lines.
He never misbehaves with me but he does talk about some outrageous things, to everyone.

A few cups of tea and a bacon roll later, I was off to have my wash and get some money, then I got the hopper bus and hopped down to the station.

The train was crowded, it was not even a train with opening windows :( but that was only the first leg of the journey, and it stopped at all the stations.
When we arrived at the station where I changed trains, the crowds were unbearable, nothing was sign posted, we arrived late, I couldn't run once I had worked out the connecting train, and so I missed the train I was meant to change to.
But I got the next one, and it was a fast train, and it was a big long train, with some opening windows, I  got a seat in a quiet carriage and dozed and I enjoyed the view and we didn't stop until we arrived in london.

In London I got the interconnecting service on the underground very easily and with no problems.
Got to the station for the next leg of the journey and got a cuppa and hurried to the loo.

The train was simply too crowded, the corridors were packed, so I jumped off and panicked, one of the station staff checked that I was ok and gruffly told me I could wait in peace and quiet on the station for an hour until the next train. But I had other ideas, I went and got some snacks and checked with the Information desk about a train that I thought I could get sooner than an hour and change trains again, they said I could do that and it would get me there quicker than the one in an hour, so I did that.

Again the train was crowded but as I panicking looked for a space, a man moved his coat off the seat next to him and gestured that I could sit there, so I sat, he dozed off and I sat, with my rucksack on my lap and my black bag of bedding and clothes squeezed into the parcel shelf at the end of the carriage among huge piles of suitcases, I was afraid I would never see it again because I couldn't keep an eye on it and there were so many people in the corridor and so many cases.

As we went on the train grew quieter and I ended up alone in a seat with my bags next to me, there was a power socket so I briefly got to charge this power huingry old mobile phone.

The last leg where I once again changed trains for a very short journey, panicking again because of the crowds and lack of signs or familiarity.
I found a quiet corridor in the train and I found my bottle of disinfectant in my bag and diluted a capful with water and gargled it to try and cure my sore throat.

We arrived at our destiantion, and I struggled along with my bags and walked and walked.
I was hoping to find a church that was doing a Sunday evening service, some familiarity in worship, and church people who knew the city and could advise me.

One church after another turned out to be either in ruins of converted to something else. a bit like in the town I had left in the morning.
I couldn't even find a McD's.

At last after struggling up a long steep hill, I found a church and a lady going into the church, I asked her if there was a service and she said there was, we talked and I came in with her to the service, which I enjoyed, and the sermon was particularly moving, relevant to me.
afterwards the church people found me a booklet on homeless services in the city, and one of them gave me a lift to McD's and gave me two pounds towards my hot drinks and things.

I sat in McD's, put a little note on the blog to tell you that I had arrived safely, and had several cups of tea before using the toilet as a changing room to put my thermals on.

I had seen a potential sleeping place, and I went to check it out. yes it would do.
so I tucked down, and dozed off, dreamed that the police found me and said into their radios 'only a rough sleeper, nothing worse'.
Then I woke, because it was raining, I crawled into the nearby porch to shelter but the ends of my legs and my feet remained out in the open and getting wet, nothing I could do about that.

I dozed on and off through the night, and considering it was a first night in a strange town I actually did quite well both for sleep and for shelter.
I woke at 4.45am, the end of the sleeping bag was soaked and I was shivering, I hadn't found any cardboard to sleep on.

I got up and unwisely dumped the sleeping bag in the nearest rubbish bin, I simply didn't want to carry a wet sleeping bag with an already to heavy load.
putting the sleeping bag in the bin may give me away and lead to me being moved on or hassled by the outreach or other people. So I need a new spot.

I walked into town and got a tea and a bagel with philadelphia light, I read the metro and looked at the booklet of homeless services. 5.15am, McD's here is open 5am-11pm.

according to the book, there is a breakfast outreach at the bus station from 7.30-8am.
It is now 6am, so I stagger on with my bags, to continue orientating myself with the town.

I take another gargle of disinfectant and wish I had some TCP, it tastes better and is more effective, the sore throat and rattly chest is now obviously a streaming miserable cold. It is the second cold I have had in the last few months and I don't normally get colds or the flu.
I wish I could afford some of the magic medicine that the pharmacist recommended for me last time, but it costs £5.

I have 70p left, I go into Sainsburys to get a carton of fruit juice, and I find £5 that someone has dropped. I am not going to spend it on medicine as I need money for food and hot drinks anyway, I get another cuppa at McD's.

I go to the bus station and wait, and wait, the booklet was published last year and some of it must be out of date, there is no sign of a breakfast run anywhere in that vicinity, what a shame.

I go back into town and wait for the Post Office to open, I withdraw my last few pounds and I get a bottle of cheaper medicine.
Then I go for a thorough wash in the toilets and change my socks, knickers and teeshirt and take my thermals and jumper off.

Off I go again, I go to one of the backpacker hostels and ask if they do left luggage for the general public, the man says they don't but he gets me a map and marks where another hostel and the tourist centre are and tells me to try them. He lets me keep the map.
So off I go, but the tourist centre doesn't open until 11am and it is only 9.30, so I go to the library, join the library, log on to a computer, try to update the blog but the browser is too old to be compatible, and the laptop hub is full of laptop users so I cannot go on the netbook.
Suddenly I am hot and struggling to breathe, I take painkillers and cough mixture and feel a bit better.

I go back to the tourist centre and they turn out to be probably the only left luggage facility in the city, and they are only open from 11am-4pm each day, I gratefully leave my heavy luggage there.

I go and get a parcel of chips and a cup of tea for my lunch, unhealthy but cheap.

Then I go to look for a daycentre that is in the book and apparently open from 1.15-3.30. I hope it is not another wild goose chase.
It takes ages to find, but it is ok, I get many cups of tea, they have a quiet room and a good ethic, they don't do food on a monday but they give us biscuits and fruit and they give me directions to two evening outreaches for food and they find me a blanket and sleeping bag, and I have a shower.
The daycentre can't store luggage but the charity shop staff say they will store it a few days a week (still only short hours) and they will have a think where else I may be able to store it.

I start walking back to collect my luggage, it is now raining.
I worry that I will not get there in time but I get there in plenty of time, then I get a cuppa and I go in the toilets and try to downsize my luggage by parting company with a lot of things into the bins, still heavy but a bit less so.
I find a space on the laptop hub and start charging the netbook and the phone.
I am embarrased because my nose keeps running and needing blowing.It is hard to breath because I am asthmatic with a chest infection and my nasal passages are so small that it is hard to breathe through my nose anyway and so much worse with a cold.
But apart from that I am ok. Tired.
I think tonight I will use my last pound on a |McD's or chip supper and I have enough stickers for a McD's cuppa, and I wont walk all the way to the outreach but will look for a bedding down spot and will bed down as early as I can.

Hello bloggypeeps,
would people kindly stop panicking?!
It is not the first time I have moved town,
and
The statistics on the blog have gone haywire, whatever that means,
and I am gettingt texts from people who say they are concerned about my silence.


You have to pay me £10 every time you get concerned, how many people do I have to say 'Mother, stop worrying!' to?
and
I have no credit and both the laptop and the phone have been out of battery,
and I have had other priorities all day for survival's sake.

Here I am, a member of the library, I am on my netbook and the netbook and phone are charging.

I will update you properly in about half an hour to an hour.
That's how long it will take :)

All is well.