Hurting

The other night I dreamed about you.
Not in any inappropriate way.
I dreamed that you were well and strong.
You could speak.
In my dream you were talking, in the dream you talked like you talked.
You didn't stop for a breath or to let me speak unless I reminded you to.

In the dream I didn't want to let you go, just wanted you to be there, talking to me.
You were wearing a blue shirt, because that is the only memory I have of you,
apart from when you were in the awful hospital clothes.
In the dream you told me about Jersey and your family and a boat.
I didn't mind what you talked about,
all that mattered to me was that you were well and you could speak.

Then I woke up and I cried.

Trying to live with what happened to you,
with no-one to turn to is killing me
I will never forgive myself
and I feel so helpless.
Because I can't do anything to help you.
and it is only a matter of time before the same happens to me.