I went to see my psychology man.
He was very helpful as usual,
it is only early stages yet but he says he will refer me to the NHS trauma unit, he will teach me some techinques for lowering my distress levels, and he will look at referring me for some of the sports and social courses for people with difficulties. So that is all good news. Progress.
It is hard to progress when you have a noose round your neck that chokes you no matter what you do.
But while I am alive it is instinct to keep trying.

In answer to someone's question why I have to come back to this city when I don't sleep so well here, all of the description above is the reason. I need that help and I have not been able to access it elsewhere despite nearly killing myself trying.

With regards to the college for the disabled, I am going to see if they will admit me in January if it is going to be possible for me to go, that will allow time to overcome obstacles and start to overcome my phobia of indoors. I may go for a residential assessment there sooner if they are willing to admit me, this will allow them to assess my disabilities and see what support I will need.

Anyway, I just had a cuppa in the noisy cafe, which was a mistake, too stressful.

Earlier I had a cuppa at the church and a chat to the nice verger, he calls me 'princess', but no-one could be further from being a princess than me. :)