letting off steam, this post is not serious and I will delete it but I need to be silly for a few minutes

church? A place where you get a free cuppa if you endure the show, judge each church by the quality and quantity of cuppas.
Only joking.

What to expect when you go to church; Well it depends on the denomination, if you are allergic to incense then you are exempt from several denominations. Sneezing and running eyes will alert you to this. Right, thats two denominations out.
Do you have ADD or ADHD? well there is a nice but stodgy denomination that you really can't attend because you would be too uncomfortable, and they do tend to sit close, you will find this denomination's services too long and involved for your disability, so don't feel guilty about giving church a miss if there are no other churches in your area.

Right, well some people are scared of water and some of loud noise, so if that is you then avoid the other denomination that likes both.

And then there are all those other minor denominations, but don't worry, fear of candles, fear of priests, fear of choking on the Body of Christ, are all legitimate problems, in short, if you find church too scary then don't feel guilty, have a day of rest away from church politics and double standards, God rested on the 7th day, he never went to church, God did not say 'Thou must use a building to play power games and make money in My Name!' His Son went into the temple and trashed the place in protest at such behaviour.

:)

I went to church this morning.

I went in and choked because the incense was so strong, the sun was shining through the windows and the combination of the sun and the incense meant no-one could see a thing, when I passed the cough up bag to the man next to me he couldn't see it for sun and incense - true! he came and apologised afterwards but didn't stop to talk.
Anyway, the service was a mass, and it was a muddled mass because they had decided to change the service and give us an extra sheet to read off, more than confusing for a newcomer, but the newcomer was left bereft of guidance.
The head priest (there were a number of them) announced that the only young married couple in the church were leaving, and he said he was sad and hoped that more young people would join. He gave them a blessing.
The mass was ok, I like mass, it was a tad confusing with the new bits and too much paper, and the incense made me sneeze.
After mass I managed to get through the people who were not being very considerate of each other as they jostled for coffee or to try to join the elite in church politice discussions, I got a coffee and sat down, the priest came and welcomed me and chatted, the sign of a good priest or church, but the only other person who came to talk was an eccentric deaf old lady who said her side of town was fine because they hadn't been bombed, she wasn't very easy to talk to and no one else wanted to talk, there were no seconds of coffee and so I wandered out.

Church is funny invention.