gales

Yesterday I was recovering from a bad nightmare and was in a dissociating mood, I prevented myself from buying a coach ticket with my scarce money and instead I got a ticket to another local town.

The other town was further out than I thought, but I love to be on the move and watch the road go by, as ever I block out the fact that I can no longer drive.
I wander round the town and head back, some already a bit tipsy lads get on the bus and start talking in graphic detail about what they want to do tonight, thankfully they get off at a stop and a load of more respectable partygoers get on .

I get back to town in time for soup kitchen and one of the ladies there does what they do sometimes, starts making a fuss of me because I am a rough sleeping female, I find this uncomfortable, she looks for clothes for me and misguidedly tries to make going indoors and getting on with life seem simple. I let her talk, I get lots of food from soup kitchen, including a wonderful jacket potato.

I go to my sleeping place hoping that the wall will shelter me from the wind, the wind is picking up and is forecast galeforce. I settle down warm and comfortable in my pile of bedding. I sleep and dream that my sleeping place is being invaded by rough drunk young lads, I wake at 4am relieved to find it was a dream, there are drunken revellers heading home occasionally, but no-one comes near me, the wind is galeforce and is roaring in the trees, I go to the toilet and bed back down but I am worried because I sleep under a huge old tree and at 4am all I can think as the tree roars and sways is that my dad told me never to go under a big tree in gale force winds, I have never heard such roaring and all around me the wind picks up the leaves into a leaf storm, despite this I am not cold, and I take my hat and scarf off as I am too warm, I am somewhat sheltered by the wall and the trees but when I lie on my side with my head out of the blankets teh wind whips leaves and dirt into my face.
I lie there and ask my dad and Jesus if I am safe or if I should risk the drunks and go out and look for somewhere else to sleep, I think that I can get up soon anyway, but I also wonder what will happen if I am hit by a falling branch and buried in leaves.
I fall asleep worrying and struggling to keep the bad memories of the church at bay, I sleep through my alarm and am woken by raindrops, I am still warm and comfy but it has started to rain and I am submerged in a leaf pile brought in by the wind. It is 7.45am, time to pack up and go to the market for a cuppa. The market people are in good humour and give me free toast with my tea.

I go looking for a church I have been told about, where apparently the nuns might let me take a shower, but I fail to find it. I am having breathing problems so I throw some inhaler in the direction of my lungs and carry on. Back to the market, then a wash in the toilets and a change of clothes before I come into the library.

I am lucky to be able to lie on the ground and watch a gale battering the trees, it is special.