From 2015 - The Steel Cross by Junie Wanman

This film script by Ms. Wanman is also known as 'How to write a farce'.

HG sat by the Great Ship Bay with the blue bike. HG was watching the Solar eclipse, although she couldn't really watch it because of the cloud.
The blue bike was muttering about looking like a lump of mud.

HG was wondering how to continue the re-enaction of Jesus Life when she didn't have a donkey for Palm Sunday, 'It's not fair, the Church of England has so many donkeys and they won't lend me one'.

The blue bike liked to pretend to be a horse, but it drew the line at being a donkey, huffed crossly and reminded HG that only Lou Scott-Joynt illegally rode her bike in the Cathedral Close and on the precinct, and because the police in Winchester are the Church's private mafia, Scott-Joynt could get away with it but HG couldn't.

This was true.

Applications to the Bishop for one of his donkeys to be borrowed for  Palm Sunday failed, as the Bishop had promoted them all to legal and safeguarding positions to that they could assess the Steel report and give it marks out of ten.
When the Bishop's solicitors, Batty-Broadbent, were questioned on this matter, they denied all knowlege, because although the Bishop claimed that he had legal and safeguarding experts reviewing the report, his solicitors and all genuine safeguarding officials knew nothing about it,
while those assessing the Steel report got worried because they didn't know what it meant but they knew that Steel, Philip Bailhache and others had acted illegally and were afraid to tell the Bishop that he would be arrested if he published his obviously illegal actions.
Unbeknown them, the Bishop already knew this, hence getting his donkeys to assess the Steel report for 10 years, thus keeping them in employment until everyone forgot the Steel report and it was dsposed of in secret by shredding it and using it as communion wafers, this had the bonus of killing off all the old people, because the diocese of winchester is progressive evangelical.
The Bishop also hoped Steel would pass away in the meantime so she wouldn't object.
So, the Bishop refused HG a donkey as they were all so busy.

Hg was not impressed, having done the being 33 and travelling homeless persecuted and scorned by Church Pharisees routine, how could they skip the donkey ride before crucifying her on a Steel Cross, not fair, the whole plot was unravelling!

The Bishop decided he was going to do a minor crucifiction and only release parts of the Steel report that didn't implicate him as party to a crime. But it was difficult to disentangle the parts of the report that he needed, as the whole thing had been written very cleverly to stitch HG up and absolve wrongdoers of blame, which was a repeat of a repeat of a repeat in the Jersey matter, and HG was autistic, and objected to being stitched up when she had no physical injuries and the wounds that needed stitching were emotional and psychological.
And on the subject of psychology, HG had really smashed the diocese in the teeth when she produced a psychological report from treatment starting before the Korris rubbish was released, that refuted the Korris rubbish.

And those who still don't know, the Korris rubbish omitted Hg's views, and the Bishop lied to a court of law and claimed that efforts were made to include HG, which is not the case as HG was traced AFTER the report was published, and her amendments were not included when she was traced AFTER the report was published. The report was never amended but was left online and given to the police and press as if it was fact, and not removed until HG took the Bishop to court. The report remained in the Diocese's archives until recently, when it was removed, presumably to cover the Bishop's back when he publishes the conflicted Steel report, or it was removed because HG made a formal complaint against Korris. Funny how the loud and proud cover-up report that they spewed all over the press so HG was slandered by strangers and attacked and driven out, was removed so quietly, not a word.

So anyway, none of that produces a donkey, so HG applied to the tribunals, complaining that the Diocese had scourged her and and were crucifying her but there was no donkey to get to Winchester on. The tribunals were typical church, so they told her they would be in touch in a few years time.
Meanwhile someone told HG that her weight would be so unfair to the donkey anyway.
This whole crucifixion business was really unravelling, but HG had watched Evan Almighty so she knew things would be OK.

HG asked Jesus where her donkey was.
Jesus said 'Remember, if you try to reconstruct a situation, the strengths and weaknesses are reversed'.

And Shrek emailed saying he could not lend donkey as he would go mad with the peace and quiet.

And so, that Easter, the Bishop of Winchester was crucified on his cross of Steel.
And while they tried to work out how to hammer nails into a Steel cross, HG went round letting all their car tyres down. Something you couldn't do in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, which is why St. Peter cut people's ears off instead, totally impolite in this day and age.

The end.

If anyone reading this would like to donate a donkey for the day, I will walk alongside it to the Cathedral on Palm Sunday in protest at the way I have been treated by the Church of England.

Thursday - Easter Holidays!

Good evening peeps,

I am off duty, home from work, home for the holidays. I am in my pyjamas and my work clothes are in the wash, supper is on, and there is a very smug little car sitting outside and showing off his four new tyres, at last!

Excuse the lack of update, I have been busy working and aching, making sure I could have a holiday this Easter.

I have done well, working hard without getting sick, and with very little by way of painkillers or any other pain treatments. My body is kind of happy as well as aching, the work is beginning to override the barriers and become the norm.

Today I headed off to do my first garden, grateful for the lack of school traffic, it allows me to be more lazy as getting to work is quicker.
My old lady on the clifftop was at the hospital so I got on with my work and she made me tea when she got home.
Then I went to get petrol, got Max hoovered and sorted at the petrol station, headed towards town and stopped to eat my lunch in a layby. Unfortunately I got crumbs on my newly hoovered car, damn.

I was hoping it would all work out so Max would be done at lunchtime and then I could go to the next job in my home town, as the tyre centre is between the morning job and my home town where the afternoon job was, but unfortunately the courier with my tyres had been delayed, they said he was due, he would come today, but they didn't know when.
So we arranged that the tyre place would phone me and in the meantime I would go and get on with my afternoon work, not ideal as it meant a trip back, and the tourist traffic was causing massive volumes of traffic - we get awful tourist traffic and each winter we forget it until Easter when it all starts again.

I was heading out away from the tourist traffic, so going out was OK, and I did a few hours work in my home town, reduced the hours due to needing to get back to the tyre place afterwards. And that was the end of work for Easter, but I couldn't celebrate and go home as I had to go back to thew tyre place as the Easter bank holiday rush hour approached and the tourists were still like ants, stupid directionless ants.
My tyres came in and I took the back road to get to the tyre place in good time.

You know I have reactive attachment disorder? Well I don't bond with people, I do bond with cars, and I have only ever handed Max and Florence over to the Car's best Friend for repairs or anything, so handing Max over to a mechanic was scary.
But I was relieved to finally get him his tyres, so I sat in the waiting room, peeping nosily out the window as they worked on Max and drinking delicious hot chocolate and reading my paper and my book.

I haven't checked yet but I think they did as I asked and swapped the best of his old tyres for the spare tyre as the spare had a puncture, but soon he was re-tyred and ready to go.

I drove off cautiously, but Max was fine, he didn't feel much different, maybe more solid and grippy and steering and braking well.

The roads were jammed, so I drove back out the back way, but even out there it was beginning to stack up, stupid caravans and things.

Eventually I got home. And it was on with the dinner, work clothes in the wash, and now I have to shower and get on with everything that ever needed doing, you know what I'm like, a holiday is the time to get everything else done.

Yesterday I did the mansion in the morning and the farm in the afternoon. I got to the farm and started the garden, and I got a text saying 'I am upstairs with the cat, having kittens, can you check the ewe and lamb in the barn?'

I did not inquire as to if it was the cat having kittens or the lady, I simply went and checked the sheep. The sheep were fine, and that was the last of the lambs, thank God. The cat had five kittens.

Last night I went shopping and enjoyed the sunset, normally I am hiding in my nest when the sun sets so I just see the glow from the window.

On Tuesday I went to work for my old lady, then off to look at these gardens that the property owners and managers who own the mansion own, there was more work than I thought, especially when mowing the lawns was added to my schedule in a few weeks time as well as another property of theirs that I have worked at before. But on Tuesday I just went to the garden centre, got shrubs and created a beautiful new shrub border, I hope the shrubs survive, this very dry weather is causing chaos for me, trying to keep people's plants alive and trying to dig borders that are too try to dig, and the harsh dry soil makes my hands sore.

Anyway, the last garden of Tuesday was my old mate, his garden was in a state, I re-gravelled and weeded and swept and composted and worked hard.

Anyway, here I am, with a four day holiday after surviving my first month of full time work. And Max has his tyres. It is a pity I had to cancel the blue bike's service due to work committments, I couldn't drop off or collect the bike, and I am taking public transport to see my adoptives on Saturday, I could have done with the blue bike to bike to the terminus.

Lets have some Easter.

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Has Ashenden had another meltdown? hasn't he run out of things to resign from yet?

Anyway.

I escaped from uneasy nightmares early this morning and managed to feed and shower myself and dress in fresh work clothes before tumbling out the door and into the car in good time.

Traffic wasn't bad, it was just slow drivers, I seem to be cursed to be stuck behind slow or crazy drivers at the moment, but anyway, I got down to the seafront early and decided I had time to go and grab a coffee before work, so I scooted Max round to the port and got a coffee from my lovely people at the cafe before getting back just as my mate was pulling up in the work van.

We got on with work, it was cloudy but warm, and the seafront was mildly busy, I did the mowing, he did the strimming, then he did the hedge trimming while I dug and weeded a border.

At breaktime my mate came over to my car and he was grinning, he doesn't usually come over to the car at breaktime, but he had good news, the kiosk opposite the site, on the beach, had opened for the season, so there was more coffee. We normally have a whole day without hot drinks when we do that round, but now there was more coffee, so I felt cheerful. Two coffees that morning.

Anyway, we finished that site, and off to the next, where we had a lunch break and did the strimming, mowing and blowing. Then on to the next site which was very simple, and then two more places where we mowed and strimmed.

At the end of the round, my mate was feeling down because he had to go and do one of his own customer's gardens, a bit like I did the other week, but I was cheerful because I had worked hard and was now heading home to clear the bathroom so my landlord could fit a new blind. I was more cheerful because according to my bit of paper on the cupboard, Monday is bathroom cleaning day anyway.

I got home, cleaned the bathroom and moved everything, swept floors while supper cooked, and then let the landlords in to do the blind, and had a good chat with them too.

I did the bins and all sorts of odds and ends while also watching television, I am glad I can do lots of things while benefiting from the television at the same time.
I have done the washing up, and now I just have to make the hot water bottle up and scald my bite guard. I am getting good at keeping it in at night, I scald it when I do the water bottle and then it is soft to put in my mouth and settles better, and if I take my antihistamine then I sleep too soundly to throw the bite guard across the room in my sleep, well so far. I am impressed.

My work bag and gear are ready, everything is ready for the sleepy morning rush to get sorted and get out, although my work doesn't start until 9 tomorrow morning, even so, I can still end up in a rush.

Tomorrow I start with one of my old ladies, for the whole morning, then over to a one-off clearance lasting about an hour at lunchtime, then one of my old customers whose garden I am clearing for the afternoon.

The weather remains roaring, and the sun was out by lunchtime today. It is hot holiday weather, tourists making the roads mental.

I forgot to say, I hope to see my adoptives on the weekend, they had a sad time today, they are pet sitting for family and the cat got hit by a car and killed so they had to bury it, that made me gulp, what an awful thing to happen.

Sunday

Good evening peeps,

Well the weekend is almost over, the week's work starts tomorrow, and the question is, will JJ get any of the bank holidays off work, who knows? Wait for the next exciting episode.

Anyway, this morning I woke at 4am and stayed half awake and half in unhappy nightmares until 8am, I was too tired to get up and stop the nightmares.

Anyway, once I was up I got on with things, I took the bed linens off and put them in the wash, sorted the bins out etc, did breakfast, watched the end of The Railway Children and some of the Hollyoaks Omnibus.

Then I got showered and dressed and got my washing off the line, I left it out overnight because I share the line and my landlady has washing from holiday lets at the weekend, so I try to make sure she has the line in peace during the day. Anyway, once the washing was in it was time to hurtle to church. There were a few drivers out who should not have been driving, no mistake, but I got there safely.

Church was good, the social time and the service were just nice, and the talk was helpful. I was drifting a bit, nodding dozily along to my friends as they chatted and not yawning too much, but it got comical because after church as I was dozily being chatted to by my mates and drifting in my thoughts to what was next on the agenda - supermarket for squash and sandwich fillings and maybe the car wash for Max, someone said to me 'Are you coming with us to dinner?'

Haha, dinner was far from my mind and I kind of stood there all dopey.

'Dinner? Where? When? Today?'

I had meat and rice at home to cook. But thankfully that will be fine for tomorrow's supper.

My friends laughed a little bit when I said I was a bit dozy today, and they were inviting me to a pub lunch, now it was also a pub and an area that I didn't know well and Max had about 5 minutes left on his parking space, so I scrambled to work out what to do, I asked the others if I could follow them to the pub as I didn't remember it, but when they talked me through the directions I realized I knew where they meant, and so they set off from the church car park and I went to get Max and make my way over there. It was a lovely drive in the sunshine and this pub is in the most beautiful countryside.

We had the most lovely roast meal and a good chat, I was being good and didn't order pudding - until I saw everyone else's puddings and was just so tempted that I gave in and had sticky toffee cake with ice cream. It was lovely.

After that I parted company with the others, who went in various directions, and I decided that since I was out, I may as well stay out for a few hours. Never mind the bed linens which were still in the wash when I left for church, thinking I would be home within a few hours.

I drove off through the glorious sunshine and beautiful scenery and ended up on the cliffs, my favourite place, as it wasn't far from there, and although the car parks for the bay were jam packed, unsurprisingly in this weather and with the holidays starting, further along my favourite cafe had loads of space and I went in and ordered a pot of tea and a large slice of beautiful scenery, I walked to the cliff edge with my cuppa and enjoyed the views.

I came home via various things and places, and 'Liar Liar' was on TV so I watched that as I started the housework, paperwork sorting and preparation for the working week. The bed linen went out and dried quickly and is already back on the bed. Fresh line dried linen is lovely but it can make it harder for me to get to sleep, dunno why.

Well here comes Easter week, the tourists are already converging and making things crowded and hazardous, and it only gets worse from this week onwards. Who knows, it may rain all summer after this glorious weather...and I am a gardener so I should shut up now.

Anyway, the week starts with working with my mate at the holiday estates, which is fine, then I am looking at how to balance the work so I can have at least one bank holiday off, preferably two as we are hoping to do a lovely walk on Easter Monday. I also need to get Max's new tyres done and the blue bike is going in for servicing on Weds/Thurs.

Night peeps, don't let the Bishops bite.

Saturday

Hey peeps,

Cheese and wine party! It's the National!

I just got in from work, still in work clothes, and I brought back bargains from the supermarket, reduced Cathedral City cheese, crusty bread, Schloer, and cookie chip ice cream.

My bet is on Wounded Warrior because I am daft enough to bet by name.

Well it has been a busy time.

I woke yesterday morning with the migraine a fading memory, and headed to work.

Thankfully lambing has nearly finished so I was able to fight with the garden, and I was lucky to be mainly in the shade and working steadily.

It was a hard day's work nonetheless, and I was glad to finish and get my fish and chips on the way home. This is a new tradition, which puzzles my autistic brain which is so used to cooking and washing up in the evening.

Wow, One for Arthur just won the National by a good lead, Wounded Warrior was way back. I think that slight collision on the fence set the other horse back.

Anyway, last night I was so tired it was hard to do anything, I watched Hollyoaks and settled to bed with a book. I slept from 9pm to 7.45 this morning.

You know this myth that the weekends are for relaxing in when you work full time? Well I am new to full time work and I am finding out how weekends, lunchtimes and evenings are for getting everything done that needs to be done when you aren't at work. Haha.

Anyway, when I finally got myself dressed, I picked up my backpack, and got a shock. Ants!
When I sat in the garden with my lunch yesterday, the ants must have moved a whole squadron into my backpack! Ooh! I had to dispose of them and put the backpack outside the door.

Anyway, then it was time to get going, the bank is only open for a few hours on Saturday so I had to head into town, the traffic wasn't bad on the route I took. All sorted and I headed off to pick up post and parcels and then got Max hoovered. The car wash and all car washes, were closed for some reason so no lazy car cleaning this weekend.

Anyway, then it was time for the shopping.
And then it was time to go home for lunch.

I did meat and rice for lunch, and switched between Mel and Joey and My Parents are Aliens on TV. I put the washing on as well.

Then I reluctantly pulled on my work clothes, drove down past the hoards of happy stollers and sunbathers on the seafront, and to work!

I only had the care home to do, and it was alright, again I got a shady border to work on, I also had residents and ducks keeping me company a lot more than usual, so time went fast.

On the way home I decided on ice cream to watch the national with, and some bread and cheese for supper, and the schloer was on offer as well as the ice cream and bread and cheese, so that was good.

So for the rest of the weekend I have cleaning, sorting paperwork, church, anything else I can think of to be busy. And the weather is going to stay roaring. We have an awesome mix of hot sunshine and fog, as I drove around today, one minute I was in thick fog and the next in blazing sunshine, the fog on the sea is keeping visibility down.

The National is over, and Princess Diaries 2 is on.

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

Well to my surprise I was up at 6.30 this morning and not sleepy.

The problem is, I am not used to being up early so I had nothing scheduled so I got distressed. I also still had the low grade migraine, which may be why I woke.

Anyway, eventually I was all ready for work, although I had drunk too much tea and didn't have time to stop at any loos on the way to work, so I had to ask my customer if I could use their loo, which I avoid doing at all costs normally.
Anyway, I seemed to be in slow motion at work for a while, I apologized to my old lady that I was slow at getting going, she just laughed and said I needed a new battery, because I am normally quite efficient and smart-paced when I work for her, she did make me an extra cuppa though, and that seemed to help, and I picked up speed and got my work done.

I had only booked two gardens in again because of the migraine, which means I booked another garden onto next week and will do the care home on Saturday, darn. But anyway, two gardens meant a good lengthy lunchbreak to recover and sort things out. I drove into town via petrol and I ate my lunch on the way, stopped at the tyre place to confirm things with them, and then went to the bank, then I did some shopping for groceries and household things, I went to the chemist to get codeine, the chemist gives me hives because I am allergic to so much stuff in there, perfumes, toiletries etc, but at least I got codeine. Which I am on. Then I was chasing unsuccessfully after a pump for Max, damn. Next week.

Then it was off to the next garden, no-one was home and it was quiet with the chickens shut in, but I knew what I was doing so I got on with it and they came home and were quite happy with it all. The weather was warm and the migraine ached.

Then I headed home. I have been home, on codeine and praying that the migraine lets up during the night as I can't drive or work when I am on codeine and I don't want to let the farm down tomorrow.

I am tired and aimless, I watched Hollyoaks and it is crappy at the moment, now I am listening to Smooth Radio like I used to, and just waiting for bed time. I found my bite guard and scalded it, the dentist wants me to wear it if I can now since he put so much effort into the work he has done. The problem is that I tend to chew fiercely on the guard, which defeats the object, and then I end up somehow hurling it across the room in my sleep, which is quite a feat as it is a snug fit.

Below is the ewe with the two lambs that I delivered the other week, lamb 2, which the ewe is licking was only a few minutes old when I took this. I have taken more pictures since and I may upload some at some point, you know what I am like with these things.

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

Migraine day.

Another troubled night. And my head didn't stay supported, so that and probably the dentist, meant I woke up in pain this morning. Not good.

I went to work anyway, it was an effort to get myself out the door and to work.
But the good news was I had a good task to start the day with, emptying and distributing two bags of woodchips on a garden, and no-one was home so I worked steadily and at an even pace.
The weather was warm and although the migraine was annoying, it wasn't the worst.

The people came home, they are property owners and managers and their home is a nice little mansion but the garden is on all different levels, which makes pushing barrows of woodchips interesting. Anyway, sometime they ask me to garden for properties they own or manage and today they did, so I have an extra garden for next week.
I did a good morning shift, mainly the woodchips, and grabbed some lunch and picked up some parcels on the way to my next job.

The migraine remained, so I cancelled my meal out with friends that I was due on this evening, and I cut my work hours down on the next job but got a lot done.

When I got home I put the washing on, I was running low on clean things, so the washing is drying.
I watched Hollyoaks and then put the TV on Smooth Radio, and I am sitting at the table at last instead of on the sofa in front of the TV, and I am listening to Smooth Radio with one ear and a Louise L. Hay CD with the other, nice combination,
I am glad I didn't listen to Juliet when she told me self-help was a waste of time, some self-help programmes are a waste of time and considering how badly I have been shattered I could give up and not even try to help myself but hell, while I am alive my instinct is to help myself and others, branded as I am by the Church of England.

I am very tired, I will go to bed soon. The migraine is not severe but it is persistent and I have been yawning and had an upset stomach as well, just not on top form at the moment.

Tuesday

Hey peeps,

I have a new stalkerstat at the moment. Hope you find the blog interesting.

Well it has been a different day.

This morning I woke from the nightmares and booted myself unwillingly to the car.
But the rain, although it was light, was persistent and my customer cancelled. Fortunately before I set off. It had rained a lot in the night and they are on clay soil.

Anyway, so I hadn't booked anything in for the afternoon due to the dentist appointment, so I had a day off. I wish I felt better and could enjoy it.

I ended up doing a lot of sorting out at the flat, the thing is, I think it is the biggest flat I have had, there is lots to do, and I moved in and went straight into full time work with little time to relax and sort things out, so today I got a lot done.

I feel crappy, I sleep at night but with depression and nightmares in my sleep and reluctance to wake up in the morning. And flashbacks during the day.

This afternoon I went to the dentist, and he finished painlessly finishing the operation site, very good, it feels a bit strange but it should settle.
After the dentist I went to the supermarket, I had a shopping list for the first time in my life, how domesticated.
I still forgot the bread.

I got home and I just felt tired, so I lay down on the bed and went to sleep.
I slept for a few hours, troubled distressed sleep. In my dreams I was trying to get to the Samaritans but I was lost on a vast heathland and someone was playing a prank by somehow airlifting a statue.

I woke up and had missed some of Hollyoaks so I went on catchup, and then I decided I would head for the Samaritans, unfortunately they were busy, with no-one free to speak to me, and so I went in the supermarket and got bread and bin bags.

Here I am, tired and unhappy.

Tomorrow I have only booked two gardens in, and in the evening I am supposed to be out with my peeps for a meal. Slight blah but also something nice to look forward to.

Monday

Good evening peeps,

I was sleepy and struggling this morning but I managed to get a washed, dressed and fed version of myself into the car and to work.
I was lucky, I got a parking space straight away where I prefer to park, but because things have changed, the vans aren't parking there any more, which confused my system a bit.

Anyway, I did the litterpick, and my workmate and the boss arrived. So we got on with the mowing and strimming, it was very helpful to have the boss and the ride-on mower to help us.

The weather got warm and the work was hard, I had forgotten my bottle of fruit squash, which is a cardigan sin, I have to have lots of fluid with hard work and hot weather.

At lunchtime I got a big bottle of fruit water from the shop, I am supposed to know better because I can react to that stuff, but I needed a lot to drink and I have fruit squash because the flavour encourages me to drink it.
Anyway, it all got a bit bad for me in the end.

I normally only have small loaves of bread but there was none at the shop when I went shopping, so I ended up with a full size loaf, and made the same amount of sandwiches as usual, which was too much for me, I have a hernia - courtesy of Jersey hospital - and I find bending to do the weeding hard, and too much sandwich doesn't help, But the fruit water gave me indigestion too, and I did drink 1.5 litres of it. And then I set my back off and spent 20 minutes in pain and hobbling before it settled down again.

Nonetheless, we got the mowing and a lot of weeding done. And we finished the day with a bit of banter, we normally banter and joke a bit but we had been working hard.

I got home so tired and realized I had no food for supper, so I watched Hollyoaks and headed for the supermarket, the sunset was red ribbons in the cloud, belying the bad weather forecast. The sea was grey and calm in slight fog, and the supermarket had food in it. I had a slightly late supper and have been watching Doc Martin, and now it is nearly bed time, I am tired.

Tomorrow the weather may disrupt my work, and I have the dentist as well, bah! But hey, a few hours off may help me physically, although not financially, and I don't have much space in the week to move work over.

Sunday

Good evening peeps,

I am cleaning the flat and watching television. Advert breaks are for cleaning your house in, always have been.

Last night I had nightmares but they weren't about the Bishop and Winchester, they were closer to home and pretty bad.

I woke feeling tired, sleepy, flashbacks and totally unable to sort myself out.
So eventually when I wasn't ready for church, I decided not to go to church.

I didn't even take much notice of the Hollyoaks omnibus. Eventually I got some food cooking and did Max's oil and water, after I had finally sorted out my shower and got dressed, yeah I didn't show the neighbours my nice pyjamas.

I ate and I didn't get much else done, and then in the afternoon I went out, I got some free parking in town, got a few things from the shops, and then walked down to join the gang on our traditional march.

Fifteen of us set off from the harbour to walk along the front, two dropped out halfway and enjoyed a cafe all on their own, the remaining lucky thirteen completed the walk.

I still find social things hard, I still have allergies to worry about in public places, as well as agrophobia, but it was a beautiful afternoon and the sea was calm but with strong surf on the shore.

We walked and despite my legs and pains and aches, I ended up striding out in front, so I got to the cafe at the end of the walk first and avoided the jam of people waiting and got my glass of coke first, we sat out on the seafront with our drinks, as usual everyone had alcohol but me, but I didn't mind, when it is just a drink at a cafe it isn't too bad, I had two cokes with ice and lemon.

Eventually we set off home, I got pictures of us and the beautiful scenery as we walked.

I came home a bit tired and wonder if I should have gone out at all when I am so tired and have not had enough rest. I had to choose between 'Night at the Museum' and 'Princess Diaries 2' to watch and I chose Princess Diaries 2, and have been slowly doing the housework as I watch TV, I have got as far as the dining room, the bathroom is clean, the back hall is clean, the kitchen, living room and bedroom still need work but it won't all get done tonight. But tomorrow's lunch is prepared, and supper is actually cooking at last.

I wish I wasn't so tired, I wish I could wake up early and sort things out before work. Tomorrow I am on the estate, and to be honest I am kind of looking forward to it, as long as I am on a mower I am quite happy really, it will be warm and hopefully we will have a nice day, the boss is hoping to be up to working with us. That will make the mowing easier.

I forgot to say, Cambridge Women and Oxford Men won the boat race. One day we will win both! I assure you!

Saturday

Hey peeps,

I have been so tired, I struggled to get up this morning, and my adoptive mum made things worse by messing up the time I was due to pick her up. So the day started very cranky, made worse by traffic jams, I do not normally venture into traffic jams on a Saturday morning and I could have done with staying in bed.

Nonetheless, a few coffees and a bacon sandwich later, I began to revive, and we came back here for some tea and chat and I got my belated Birthday presents. Then we went off for lunch. We were lucky to get undisturbed seats outside a beach cafe, and we had jacket potatoes while the sea sent big foamy waves right up the shore and we talked a lot.

Eventually Mum had to head home, she wanted to go to vigil mass as they are away with family tomorrow, and I headed to pick up some parcels, some of my gift voucher things, a book and my new slipper socks.

As you may have read yesterday, I was having flashbacks, those have continued but milder, and last night I had nightmares, most of the nightmares are about Bishop Dakin and Winchester.

Anyway, after picking up my parcels, I took Max to the petrol station, I have not been able to sort him out as I have been so busy, so I did his tyres, hoovered him, and put him through the car wash, I don't intend to do the car wash often but with so little time and so tired, we deserved it. So Max is washed, hoovered and pressured, he just needs oil and water in the morning and then I hope to sort the rest of his maintenance out in the next few weeks, tyres first.

I got to watch the whole of Evan Almighty this afternoon and then Titanic has been on.

Now I will go to bed and I can stay in bed until about 9am tomorrow if I like. I think I need to. If necessary I will miss church if I am too tired, although I don't want to, but in the afternoon I am out for a walk with the gang and I will enjoy that.

Then next week we start off on the estate and it remains heavy and constant work.

Friday

Good evening peeps,

Well I am so tired and achy.

This morning I fell out of bed, as sleepy as usual but you will be pleased to know that despite being able to feel the back injury in my sleep, I was walking sound today, it twinges but I think it was a trapped nerve or mild muscle strain, nothing worse.

I headed for work, the rain had been raining when I woke but it died out as forecast, but I arrived at work with the usual distaste for a wet and cold start, the worst thing is that everything is wet and muddy.

I grabbed a barrow, and a head appeared round the door, the man of the house,still in his pyjamas, he told me that one of the ewes had been struggling to lamb since the previous day but the vet had said to leave it, he commented on the miserable weather and I said it was due to improve, and as he was telling me about sheep and no-one else was around, I assumed I was in charge of sheep as well as the impossible amount of gardening that that place needs.
I assumed correctly as the answer to that question was affirmative. The lady of the house was off on a long journey to visit one of her parents in hospital and the man would be off to work, no-one else on site, so it would just be me, ho-hum, that long border may never be finished.

So I checked on the sheep who wasn't lambing, ringwomb, gimmer ewe, the vet had been called out at 10pm the previous night and said leave it, but this ewe had been straining for some time with no dilation. Commercial flocks would not have the luxury of a vet, especially not late at night, only a hobby flock would do that.
Anyway, there was another ewe considering starting, so I made a pen and got her in.
This wasted my gardening time, but you will be pleased to know that my two lambs from last week were doing well, they do that awesome thing of leaping off the ground with all four legs, everyone thinks that is cute.

Anyway, I finally got back onto the gardening and as I did, the lady of the house came home, she said she was worried about being away from the sheep at a time like this. And to be honest I do find it a bit strange to keep being dropped in it with the sheep after a gap of some years since I used to work with sheep. My last flocks were in Dorset and Wiltshire before Jersey and although I took a lot of responsibility, it has still been a long time and a lot has happened to me since then.

Anyway, I worked and worked, hard and aching work, hands full of thorns and stings and fighting to get my work done, dragged away to the sheep and to cut a hedge at various times, I nearly finished the long border by the end of the day.

Unfortunately I had become distressed by something in the paper at lunchtime and had been battling flashbacks as I worked, and the flashbacks got worse as the afternoon and evening went on, they are still affecting me. I managed to reverse Max into a post earlier because I was upset, no harm done but I have to be careful when there are flashbacks and Max, because safety is the most important thing.

I got home, aching, muddy and tired, and I really had to get on with the washing as I haven't done any since I moved, and as well as needing clean work clothes for next week, my adoptive mum is over tomorrow and I will not embarrass her by being a scruffyperson when we go out.
The weather is looking showery for tomorrow.

I was just looking at tyre quotes for Max, not too dire, he will have four new tyres and the best of his old tyres will be the new spare.

I so much need a lie in, but I will have to get up and wash and oil Max in the morning, he is a real gardener's car at the moment, including snails and shield bugs, mum may not like that.

A week's full time hard work done. Wow. My hands have dirt ingrained in them.

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

I am still having troubled nights, you know how I used to turn the lamp on in my sleep for no apparent reason? Well I did that during the night last night, it is very funny but also very strange, do any of you do odd nocturnal things? I think it is because I am here in a strange dark bedroom and there is no noise, no people, no earplugs, no-one disturbing me and maybe I am afraid in my sleep, certainly the nightmares would point to that.

Anyway, this morning was ever so slightly a better effort to get up and get sorted before work.
My team mate wasn't so organized, he had forgotten to drop the ton bags off for me and was having a day off, he said he had just woken up when I texted him, he was tired, he has been working hard the same as me, but I don't get a day off at the moment.

Anyway, he dropped the bags off for me, and told me that someone on the estate had been complaining about him loafing around and not working enough, I couldn't believe it, he and I have the same work ethic and with the boss off sick and with one mower and one strimmer last week, neither of us got to loaf around! We do have the other mower back, it needed a new coil.
Hmm, didn't know mower needed contraceptives. I guess new mowers have to come from somewhere though.

Anyway, my work today was the holiday home that I do a day on once a month, it is a favourite in a way because it is beautiful and peaceful there and I have access to hot drinks and the loo. but it is hard work, and today was no exception, the weeds had gone mad in the month since the last visit, so I started off with a few hours just weeding the driveway, then I mowed the lawn and got on with weeding the extensive back garden.

The caretaker came round in the afternoon when I had about an hour left, he told me he was staining the shed, but because of his accent I thought he said 'staying in the shed' at first, and quickly realized what he meant. He is OK, he told me that the gardens looked good and that he would find me some manure for the borders, how nice. I have to admit, the gardens do look different now, they were way out of control when I took the job last summer.

Anyway, I had a mishap, I stumbled backwards over one of the railway sleepers in the garden and jarred my back, it was strange because I didn't fall and the stumble was slight but my lower back screamed suddenly as if I had done a bad injury, it took a minute to recover and it has affected me since, it isn't severe but I can feel it, I suppose I will find out tomorrow how bad it is, I can't afford to be off sick like the boss has been with his injured back. The injury has fallen on the side of my good leg and the pain runs down my good leg, which is not good, I fell on my bad leg last week and that remains mildly awkward.

Anyway, thankfully tomorrow is Friday, and if the rain allows, I will work 7 hours on the country estate where I helped with lambing last week, it will be hard work but then at least it will be the weekend.
I don't have the most restful weekend though even though I need to rest, my adoptive mum is coming for the day on Saturday, and on Sunday I have church and then the walk with the gang. I guess these things are relaxation but what I need is one good day of pouring rain so I can rest, working full time all of a sudden and renting a flat without the aid of housing benefit is quite a jump forward and I hope my body and mind can withstand it.

Wednesday

Hey peeps,

Well it is definitely hayfever season, I am lucky that I don't get it too severely, but I am getting the cough, sneeze and a bit of an itch, so I am back on antihistamines.

This morning's work was cancelled, so I went and sat in my fave cafe on the cliff, and had a pot of tea and a book.

Then I went to work for the afternoon. It started raining when I got there but it didn't last.
Un-forecast showers continued but didn't stop work, just slowed it down.

At home I have been writing and watching TV and not much else, I am tired and I needed to finish what I was writing.

It is an hour or so to bed time but I think I will get an early night. There is so much to sort out here but I am tired. Now that I have finished writing, I will have more time to sort this place out more.

Am I supposed to say something about the EU? What is there to say that I haven't said?

Goodnight.

Tuesday

Good evening peeps,

Last night I had nightmares, the worst was about Winchester and Bishops and police.

It has been a hard day's work but I got it all done.
I am aching a lot.
I am working on a writing project at the moment.

Not much else to say. I am sorting out spending the £20 Amazon gift voucher that I was sent the other week :)

New slipper socks, a CD and some books. I like being boring.

Monday evening

Good evening peeps,

Well this morning I was very sleepy and comfy and it was hard to get up.
Eventually I fell out of bed into a big cup of tea and scrambled to get ready for work. The clocks changing makes everything harder, so it was quarter to eight instead of seven thirty when I left the house.

I worried about traffic but it wasn't too bad, I got there before my workmate.

We did a good day's work, finishing by 3.30, and I had other work to add to my day, so I headed off, via an ice cream and some soft drinks as I was hot and thirsty and had had all my bottle of squash.

I got to my mate's house for 4pm to do his garden, he was in a right pickle over things going on in his life. A few people around me are having a rough time, the boss hurt his back, then got the same tummy bug as I had had, but not from me, and then one if his family has been taken ill, I get puzzled when other people have a bad time, puzzled and worried, I am supposed to be the one who has all the horrible things to deal with, but anyway, my mate was all stressed, so I did a few hours clearing his garden, and so it was a long day of physical work, ending at 6pm.

I came home, cleaned the kitchen, cooked supper, watched Hollyoaks and Doc Martin, put the rubbish out, did tomorrow's lunchbox and clothes and equipment, and started some accounts work, I only have one more task and an early night. The bed is made up with a hot water bottle.

The weather has been good, and is due to stay good.

Tomorrow is a slightly easier day, probably the easiest day of the working week, starting work at 9am and one garden until lunch and then the care home after lunch, not a long day.

Sunday evening

Good evening peeps,

Another lovely springy day.

I texted my mum this morning, wished her a happy mother's day and told her I would eat chocolate on her behalf. She replied that I had better not eat too much or she would be sick.

Now that is a normal conversation for me and my adoptive mum, but for some reason my church people found it hilarious and laughed a lot.

My mum wanted to come over yesterday, belated Birthday and early Mother's Day celebration, but of course I was a bit busy, so we have to wait.

Church was good, and then I went to drop some letters off, get some food, and collected the blue bike, which I have not been riding and which still needs servicing, I will get it serviced this week if I have time.

I enjoyed watching 'The Parent Trap' this afternoon, the newer version, I don't like the old version. And of course I have continued to unpack and sort things.

Now I am in the usual bed time and evening and end of weekend routines. Tomorrow's lunch and safety gear are by the door, ready, the bed is freshly made, with a hot water bottle, and everything else is all done, ready, set up.

I have a busy and hard week ahead at work. I hope I will be OK, but it has been marvellous that I have had such a demanding week this week and not been ill, just mild pain yesterday and good aches that feel like I have been working out really hard. Long may it last.

Ah, you will be pleased to know that I have started engaging with my gang again, it has been a few years while the Church of England beat the shit out of me for their own mysterious reasons, preventing mundane things such as social activities, but recently one of the gang has been sending me specific invites for bowling and coffee and things, and I couldn't make the bowling but I will be going for coffee, and next weekend I hope to enjoy a walk with them, one of the old favourites with a beach cafe at the end.
I can't exactly be positive or hopeful for my life or anything lasting because I am not protected from church of england-led harm to me, but I will just do what I can.

I am tired, did you ever move house when the clocks changed? I can never do crazy things in moderation, it has to be utterly mad.

Goodnight.

Presumably safeguarding was as 'good' there as in Jersey?

http://www.halifaxcourier.co.uk/news/st-john-s-mourns-for-honorary-church-warden-sir-jimmy-savile-1-3925067

Sunday morning

Good morning peeps,

Happy Mothers Day, especially if you are a mother. I will wake my adoptive mum up by texting her loudly in an hour or so.

You know what, I forgot to say happy St. Patrick's Day to you this year, and that is one of my favourites.

Anyway, I thought I might be in pain today, as I had to take meds all day yesterday during the move, but actually I am fine.

Last night I watched half of Evan Almighty, and reluctantly decided on an early night because of the clocks changing and because I was tired and didn't want to be ill.

The bedroom isn't heated, and as the flat is furnished, the bed isn't mine, so I had no idea how well I would sleep. An unheated bedroom is actually best for me, as long as I am wrapped up warm, because it helps my breathing.
Anyway, I bedded down, with the spare blankets on top of the duvet, and with a hot water bottle as well, and at first I was a bit uncomfortable, but I managed to support my head well, and dropped off to sleep.

I woke up at 6am this morning, what would normally have been 5am until the clocks changed. I had changed the clock, and the ones on the phone, tv and computer are automatic, so that was alright. I lay in bed for a while, listening to the dawn chorus enthusiastically yelling, then I got up and made tea. I have watched the end of the early Hollyoaks Omnibus, the signed version. They still put signed programmes on very early.

It is a fine morning, and I will go to church later, and in the meantime there is unpacking and sorting out to do. It is a pity I can only have this place temporarily, it is nice, I wish I could hope to have a safe permanent home one day but I don't know if I will survive the Church of England.

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

Well last night I moved the first load of things. And I set up the tea and coffee things of course.

This morning I managed to fall out of bed at 6.30 and got straight into sorting out the move and the cleaning.

I was achy in the way that illness usually develops from. So I have been on meds all day, and it is hardly surprising I was bordering on pain illness, have any of you worked a mad week, had a one hour dental operation, accidentally ended up lambing, and the moved house? I thought not.

The problems of the move ironed themselves out into a peaceful and reasonably problem free move.

I am at the new house, I have made my favourite meal, my own recipe beef and rice. And with all those channels on television, I can only find the Big Bang Theory to watch. Haha.

There is a lot of sorting out to do, but I have got the hang of the kitchen and the TV.

It has been a glorious day, spring sunshine, not too hot, the daffodils still in bloom.

The clocks change tonight, don't forget peeps, Spring Forward!

I have no idea how I will be tomorrow, I know I have done far too much and I will be lucky if I wake up pain free in the morning, but I hope so, so I can go to church rather than watching the Hollyoaks omnibus.

Friday

Good evening you peeps you,

It is nearly bed time because I am tired and aching all over, good ache, not illness ache.

Well I didn't blog yesterday, I was too busy.

Yesterday I woke to rain, and thus my work was delayed, but I was not rained off. As soon as the rain started dying out, I headed for work. I worked for my old lady on the cliff top for a few hours, the wind and sea howled and roared but didn't stop my work.

Then I went and did a briefer than usual stint at another house not far from there, I was rained off from them the previous day and I don't like to miss them out, there is so much to do there.

Then I headed for town and the bank, and onwards from there to my final garden of the day.

The final garden was one of the farms, no-one home but I knew what I was doing. I created a new border, weeded a herb bed and fought with vicious nettles, but most of all I fought with the wind which was really distressing my work this time.

I got home tired and aching, and started to fill the car with the first load for the move.
Then I went to bed, I had a troubled night despite being tired.

I got up early enough to go and get petrol before work.

Work turned out to be totally astounding.

I had a day's work booked at the other new farm/country estate, and I had packed myself a big lunch as I intended to work very hard as there is a lot to do, but things didn't turn out as planned.

I got there for my first day of gardening there, and found chaos.

The man was running late trying to get to the airport, and the lady was in a complete pickle in the sheep paddock, they are new to sheep keeping and it is their first lambing, and a ewe with a stuck lamb was running round the field, and the lady didn't know what to do, this was to be the very first lamb, and she couldn't catch the ewe, who had been in labour for some time.

'Have you any experience with lambing?' she asked.

'Yes' I replied, and vaulted the gate.

We got the ewe into the barn and I lambed her.

A ram lamb came first, he had a big head, no wonder he was stuck. Then a smaller ewe lamb came.

By the end of the morning, the folk there knew more about lambing and I was reminded of why I gave up lambing, iodene and amniotic fluid, ew. No, I don't mind it really.

Anyway, everyone was chuffed and taking photos and making a big fuss. To me it wasn't quite as amazing because I have worked with flocks of thousands, but it was still great.

Anyway, so lambing was another thing I never thought I would do again, but there I did, I lived to see the day, and they told me I am on call in case of any more trouble. I hope not, I am moving house.

So anyway, that took the morning, and I got started on the garden by lunchtime, way behind schedule, and I sat on the sweeping lawn, enjoying a hearty lunch and the glorious views as the sun came out and it felt good.
Time flew, it really did, what was meant to be a long hard day's gardening just didn't go as imagined, and soon it was time to drive home through the sunshine.

At home I had a shower and washed my work clothes and continued packing and loading the car, then I took the first load over to the new place.
The new place isn't available long term, but peeps it is nice, the big tv with all the channels is well luxurious. I have struggled here, I don't know if I mentioned it, but the new place is just special. I hope they will let me have it for 3 months, and that I can find something as nice long term.

I am very tired and achy, I must go to bed soon.

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

Well I was surprised to wake this morning with almost no pain even after hard work and an hour long dental operation yesterday.
And I have continued to be surprised by the relative lack of pain, one side of my mouth feels funny and I have a mild chest infection and have been a bit tired and achy, but nothing worse.
When you are at the dentists, especially for a long appointment, you get various stuff going down your throat whether you like it or not, and my easophogus and co are not very good, so some of it gets into my lungs. Thankfully I have coughed most of it clear.

But anyway, relieved that the after effects are not too bad, but life is hard work right now, today it rained when I desparately needed to keep on top of my work and earn money, tomorrow looks similar, I am due to move on Saturday and I am nowhere near prepared, even with spending the rained off time trying to prepare. Well OK I have got a certain amount done, but not as much as I would like.

The rain seemed to be stopping at lunch, so I headed for work, for what would have been the second garden of the day, but as I got there, a massive rainshower occured and the people told me to postpone the garden until next week. Very annoying because my work is beginning to stack up now. So I grumped home to do some more, dithered miserably about actually going back out again as the rain stopped again, gave up and did the laundry and more preparation and also a load of paperwork, records and invoices, boring as hell.

Then the London incident broke into the news. Horrifying. When I was younger I was without emotion, I was locked into a dream world and the World Trade Centre attacks meant nothing to me, but now I get upset when horrible things happen. As you may remember when someone was murdered up the road a few months ago and I went rounding up my neighbours and making sure they weren't being murdered for days after that, well today I wanted to round everyone up and tuck them in a big duvet and keep them safe, but you can't do that really, just as you can't slap people on twitter who are making stupid comments.

Anyway. My thoughts are with those involved in the London violence, and remember, Terrorism is not the norm, it must never be the norm, just as child abuse must never be the norm, no matter how much it occurs or how badly.

Tuesday night

Hey peeps,

Sorry for the lack of update, it has been a busy week so far, as I said.

I knew yesterday would be one of those days, I found it hard to wake up and I had a headache behind my eyes, so I knew.

The weather was not as forecast, it was strong wind and rain, just when we needed to get the mowing started on the estate, two weeks late already.

I didn't get there early to start the litterpick because I got up late and sleepy, my workmate was the same, but at least I got a parking space.

On the evening of my Birthday, someone had sent me a message about somewhere to live, not long term, just temporary, and it sounded good, so when they contacted me again while I was doing the litterpick, I arranged to view the place after work.

Then, despite the weather, we got on with the mowing, shivering as the freezing wind blew rain at us.

Then after half an hour, my workmate came over, looking gloomy, his mower had broken. He headed for the van to get something to repair it, then my mower broke! These are commercial mowers and have both been serviced recently. And as you probably remember, our boss is off work with injury, so it would be enough of a push to put a first cut on acres of grass in bad weather with just two of us!

So I went to tell my workmate my mower had broken, a different problem from his, so he gave me the wire to fix his mower while he tried to fix mine. I got his mower going and got on with the mowing but he couldn't fix my mower, and it had started so sweetly that morning, I thought it was too good to be true!
So we were down to the two of us and one mower, for the whole estate, first cut - which is always the longest and wettest, and in bad weather.
So he got the strimmer and strimmed as much as possible, and I mowed, I mowed acres and acres of grass, the weather calmed a bit by afternoon but we got so tired, and then two private customers on the estate who pay for us to do their garden wanted our services as well.
And then at the end of the day we had to load the ton bags of grass onto the boss's tipper truck, which we had there as well as the van.

After that I shot home to change and head to view this flat.

Yeah, I have a new home, for the moment, it is not available for a permanent let but peeps it is nice, and with safe parking for Max. Some idiot has hit Max's bumper, distressing but not severe.
I am moving on Saturday. My adoptive Mum was due to come over on Saturday but that is postponed, time with her and time with my mate are the unavoidably postponed Birthday celebrations which will have to wait for next week.

Anyway, so I came home after that, knackered and drifting, I had to go through my pain prevention routines because of the heavy work and stress, those commercial mowers are probably as close to the legal vibration limit as possible, and it can make me ill, especially working like that, but thankfully my muscles relaxed rather than seizing and I woke this morning completely relaxed, I did dream vaguely about Jersey and Philip Bailhache, he was ugly and grotesque in the dream and he may have been dead.

Anyway, it was time to fall sleepily out of bed into more hard work. I had messed my schedule around so that I could cover for the boss for half a day, and my workmate hadn't been able to fix the mower and hadn't had time to go and get my own personally owned mower from the lockup, so I was mowing vast swathes of ground with the one mower again while he strimmed, he doesn't like the ride on mower and getting it in and out of the van is tricky, so we were stuck with one push mower and the strimmer.

So, after a very hard half day, made more stressful by me being sent the wrong time for my dental appointment, I headed off, leaving my workmate to complete his full day there. It is beautiful there, it is an exclusive residential estate, I mentioned it last year, it is millionaire holiday homes with a private marina and very nice, but a lot of work. I may start posting photos of my work now that it is all so high quality and I have started to photograph it again.

I headed to assess yet another garden. Another very big garden, belonging to lovely people with a variety of dogs, cats, geese, ducks, chickens and yachts, yes it is right by the harbour and they own various boats, I am getting the high quality contracts now but all of them are very hard work.

And from there it was the dentist, for the correct time, and I had no idea that the dentist was going to take an hour, yes, an hour, and they got me to sign consent forms for the work. I am grateful to my wonderful dentist for doing his very best to salvage my ruined teeth, ruined by poor dentistry in the past, poor diet, and most of all, my severe teeth grinding problem.
Anyway, I survived the hour, and as yet I feel alright, well as alright as you do after extensive dental work when you have a poor jaw. It will be tomorrow that the heavy work and dentistry may catch up on me and make me poorly, and it looks like heavy rain in the morning, rotten luck when I have such a heavy work schedule and I am moving house on Saturday. I will not get all my work done this week. But the three gardens who may have to wait are all fine with that and flexible.

Anyway, so I have disinfectant, and salt water, and liquid anti-inflammatory that tastes like fire and drain cleaner, to try to prevent bad side effects from the dental surgery. Bleh.

My new home has a huge television, hmmm.

Sunday evening

Good evening,

Well the blogs are statting up again and I haven't completed the daily diary.

It has been a generally pleasant day, although I am genuinely worried about ending up homeless at the moment.

Anyway, this morning I blundered cheerfully into my adoptive church, a lot of my peeps were away but we had a lovely service. I am pretty sure it was co-incidence that my favourite hymn was played at the end, but it was great, people knew that is my favourite and also that today is one of my Birthdays, but I think it was co-incidence, but it was generally a lovely service and time. We had a speaker who looked and sounded so like Bob Hill that it was like as if Bob could speak again, I know Bob used to do readings in his church.

After church I had chicken for lunch and was reading and watching DVDs and also chatting to my adoptive mum, she couldn't come over this weekend so she is coming next weekend, for half a day because my work is so busy that I will be working Saturday, it is the spring rush for gardens now and with one of our gardeners injured I need all the time I can find. I also accidentally picked up a massive gardening job today, a country estate/farm, an immense amount of work and they want me one day a week for the moment, dear God! Am I stupid or something? I know I want to work but am I doing the right thing?

But anyway, as I was first bid, I went to look at the work this afternoon and it was near my favourite cliffs, so for some time I sat on the cliffs in my car, drinking tea and looking at the massive waves, the wind was so strong that it was hard to hold the camera still when I stood on the cliff top to get pictures. The wind and waves were too strong for surfers as none were out, not even daredevils like the idiots who used to surf directly towards the cliffs at Grev d'Lecq in this kind of weather.

Anyway, so here I am home, very tired, I am always so tired, and with a hard week's work ahead and a pressing need to move home.

Sunday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday was nice, we went out for celebratory coffee, which morphed into celebratory lunch, and you don't need to guess what I had for lunch, yes, jacket potato.
Among other things we celebrated that I have been back in work for two years. I said that it terrified me that I am reliant on myself for income and a roof over my head when I am so damaged physically and emotionally, and the reply was that it was amazing rather than terrifying, that I am doing what I do, and I agree. I remember the DWP and HMRC disbelieving me when I said I was returning to work.

After lunch we wandered round shops.
Then I had a quiet rest of the day, reading another Saint book and watching Vicar of Dibley. Which I am going to continue watching as I wait to go to church now. And no, no-one in my church says 'Well, bugger me!' or talks about putting their hand up unmentionable places of sheep and cattle, honest, they are very sane at my adoptive church, well fairly sane anyway. But the Vicar of Dibley is a very good parody of a country parish even now, all the characters, especially David Horton are very realistic. Unfortunately Juliet didn't change the David Hortons of her benefice into human beings, she simpered and fawned on them instead.

This morning I woke early and decided to enrage the pharisees in the Church of England by putting the washing on and washing the car. The washing is now on the line and the car looks suitably washed. Monday is my longest and hardest day at work and I like to start work early with a clean car, clean clothes and plenty of food and drink, it helps me to get through the day, because in a way the DWP were right, I am not fit for work, I work anyway and suffer the consequences rather than endure the murderous benefits system and because I want to work.

I have just been walking round town with a coffee, I really wanted to hear the church bells but today there are no church bells. Of all the unforgivable things the Church of England have done to me, not providing Church Bells on my Birthday is the limit! I had to provide my own church bells, look:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C54k_-ZD5gA

Do you know I have two Birthdays in March? One is my name day, when I took my own name in order to protect me from Jane Fisher and her complicit authorities who continued to hound me as I went on the run from them? A lovely lady helped me to change my name, she went over and above the call of duty when she signed those forms for me. Thank you you lovely lady if you are reading this, I have never forgotten your help to me and how you went outside the boundaries of your work for the sake of my welfare. Because of you I have been able to preserve my life from Jane Fisher and her authorities and go on living although the Church's efforts to hound me to my death have never ceased.

According to my adoptive mum I share my Birthday with the feast of St. Joseph, so I have his protection, but I don't believe in superstition and anything that is not in the Bible, the Catholics are queer folk sometimes.

I am norty, I ate all my Birthday chocolates as well as peanut butter on toast today. Now I will be dancing in church like those black magic headcases in Jersey.

Saturday morning

Good morning peeps.

Well I am just waking up out of a lazy weekend sleep.

The blogs statted real high yesterday, usually that means a church times attack, but it turns out that Gavin Ashenden has resigned again. He likes doing that as well as raving and yelling his hatred for vulnerable groups.

So far in the past year he resigned from his position in Jersey, or was pushed, resigned his Queen's chaplaincy - was definitely pushed, and has now resigned as a priest in the church of england. I like it, but if he could resign as a human being I would be even more pleased - I shouldn't joke about that because he is insane and is too likely to kill himself and others if he madness continues unchecked.

Anyway. Back to reality and life. Yesterday I went to the farm and worked hard, the weather was mild and cloudy and I did a lot of digging and threw a ton bag over a fence so my back ached a bit.

I have been taking photos of my work but I am not sure about posting them on here, I sent some to Jersey last night.

I have an unplanned weekend, I was thinking of going away but I decided not to spend money and I didn't plan it in time anyway. Going away is daunting. I am having coffee with a friend at 11am today and I am going to church tomorrow but apart from that I don't know, just book work I suppose.

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

Just got a new stat on the blog reminding me that I need to update.

Nothing exciting to say though.

This morning I did have a stiff neck from pressure washing, but it wasn't too bad.

I drove though the fog to my haircut, yes at last! My hair is now thinned, trimmed and scarily respectable.

Then I went and looked at the sea and the fog for a while and tried to persuade myself to go to work.
I managed to do so, and I went and worked hard at the care home for some time.
Then I went back to looking at the sea and the fog.

This evening I have been reading and listening to music, not much else. Apart from answering random texts and emails.

Tomorrow I have one garden booked and am awaiting to hear if I am assessing a new garden as well.

Wednesday

Good evening peeps,

I am too tired to do much, but I am trying to stay up for a while longer or my sleep will be disrupted.

Yesterday I went to work in the morning and then sat on the cliffs at my favourite place,with a cup of tea.

I am still having slight stomach upset problems but not too severe.

Today I headed off to work, I got on with the pressure washing at last and got it finished. I have to be careful not to get ill from that as well as tired, as it puts stress on my neck.

After that I went and sat in a beach cafe with a tea, the sea was rolling to shore but the fog was down and visibility was low.

On the way home someone let their dog run on the road, one of these silly wealthy ladies with more money than sense and dogs to match, she was lucky because it is a fast and dangerous road, we all stopped and tried to catch the dog and there wasn't so much as an apology or a thank you from the snooty lady. I am glad I don't work for people like that any more. I used to have the double bind of working for people like that and having Juliet Montague interfering in my work life, grateful for small mercies that at least the insufferable side of life back then is gone.

Anyway, it has been a gloriously sunny day, with fog at the edges. I got home to a worrying message, that the boss of the gardening team had to go to hospital with back pain, but apparently he is alright.

I am so tired, I wish it was bed time.

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Well today we only had a half day on the estates as one contract has finished temporarily, so we mowed, strimmed, weeded, trimmed, knocked a tree over, and all the time I was marvelling that I was on my feet and not shivering or in much pain, it feels funny when your whole body has emptied out and you are all light and weak and washed out but still able to do your job. I still have the remnants of upset stomach, but I don't have to dash to the loo and there isn't much to come out, I am not eating anything fancy and not even drinking much tea, tea doesn't taste nice at the moment.

Anyway, it was a glorious day on the seafront and we got a morning's work done, then I went off to do some other work but I felt unsure that my strength would hold, so I went to book a haircut - at last! Instead, and then I strolled by the sea as the waved wandered cheerfully onto the shore in the sunshine, and then I came home.

I am pleased to say that my stupor is less and I have been working on some book marketing.

Tomorrow I have work and then some work, if I am strong and well, my tummy still hurts and I itch, so I am a bit worried about this illness still, even though I am functioning well.

Sunday

Jersey Safeguarding Failure Partnership predictably nosing onto the blog reminded me that I haven't updated today.

Well unfortunately I have still been unwell, every day I think I will be better the next day but still the fatigue and dire rear continues.

The blogs are statting up, what is the new attack then?

I hope I am well to work tomorrow, being ill leaves me vulnerable to depression, flashbacks and despair, so I am hanging on for dear life.

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

Well I woke up at 6am this morning and dashed to the loo several times, the meds don't really stop the dire rear.
Anyway, after a few dashes to the loo, I took meds and paracetamol and water and went back to sleep...and woke up at 2.30 this afternoon!

Unbelievable. Sleeping in the day is totally alien to me. I am still not completely well.

Anyway, at 2.30 this afternoon I had not eaten since yesterday, nor had much to drink, I wasn't hungry despite not having had a full meal since Tuesday, but I was dehydrated. So I had lots to drink, and I had a shower as I was a right mess. And I had some toast. Eating anything makes my guts turn over. But it is survivable with meds. there is only liquid slurry still but at least it doesn't keep on and on like it did without meds.

After a while I decided I needed fresh air and I would be alright to drive, so I had a little drive over to the sea and the storage barn. The mist was deeply thick and deep.
I didn't stay out long, I went into the supermarket and got some Dioralyte which is disgusting but effective, and some vitamin C and various other necessities, being ill is expensive. My friend from church texted me and told me that she knew three other people with this bug, so it isn't just me. It is a vicious bug, so I won't be going to church tomorrow.

When I got home I made my first full meal since Tuesday. Diced beef fried with salt and garlic and herbs, served with soft basmati rice. Very tasty, no severe side effects. I chose beef because I needed iron and vitamins and things from it and I am tired of chicken anyway.

I have just been idling around, I am tired and it is hard to focus but I am trying to keep things normal rather than just sleep. The sleep, and giving up on looking after myself are too tempting. The thought of oblivion and being somewhere where the Church of England and their terrible branding of me don't exist is too tempting, so I have to make myself look after myself and keep things as normal as possible.

I am so tempted to go out for a walk actually, I crave fresh air. So I may do that, even if it is a dangerous weekend night.

Friday evening

Good evening peeps,

The carpet needs hoovering.

Today I have felt better apart from the upset stomach persisting and very tired, the hydration stuff is good, but I went back to the pharmacy because they said if I was still slurry spreading by today they would give me some meds.

I have been on those meds since this morning and my body is fighting them because it still wants to play slurry spreading.
I have never had diahhrea like this before and I have no idea what triggered it, I haven't been near any ill people. There is a possibility of food poisoning, and of course anyone can catch an illness out in public.
Of course this illness didn't start as diahhrea, it started as violent shivering that woke me at 2am on Wednesday, followed by a severe headache, then the upset stomach. But I don't remember ever having three days of needing to be near a toilet all the time, it is a bit of a shock to me.

So anyway, apart from that I am better, I have washed the bed linens and pyjamas, those not covered in slurry were soaked in sweat from that initial fever, no, the slurry wasn't that bad.

So, here's hoping I can do about 3 hours work tomorrow, just to keep enough money in for food and essentials. I will need some more electrolyte salt tomorrow if this goes on. I haven't felt like eating and haven't been hungry, so I have had a few complan meals and I got some of those expensive yogurt drinks that some women think are essential, you know the ones with live cultures? They are expensive but there are times when they make sense.

You know how the injury and impact illness tenses my whole body? Well this illness seems to have done the opposite, as well as me going all puffy and clammy, my muscles gone relaxed and floppy, which isn't such a bad thing, because right now I have not needed painkillers since this morning :) I wish they could just cut this muscle that will regularly leave me in agony for the rest of my life, but I think that would cause more problems than it cures.

I am going to bed soon, the evening seems to have vanished and it is actually my normal bed time. Clean sheets, dried outside on the line, nothing better. Here's hoping I am back to normal tomorrow.

Oh I forgot to say, the new book, Rage and Terror Book 1 is on about 50,000 words. I will publish next week if I can find the energy to edit it.

Friday

Good morning peeps,

I woke up at 5am needing to dash to the loo, I have dashed to the loo at least 10 times since then.
But the good news is, I slept from 9pm to 5am peacefully, I didn't get up in the night, no shivering, no pain, oblivion, I think I dreamed odds and ends but can't remember much.

I don't have a blinding headache this morning, just a headache, and the painkillers help. My temperature is still buggering about and I am all sweaty, but apart from that I feel a lot better, I will go and ask the nice pharmacist for a cork, or rather something to stop the runs. I have had a glass of rehydration salts already.

Aside from that, it is supposed to be foggy today, I like fog, especially if I don't have to drive anywhere, and I hope not to drive today.

Apparently the Jersey Care Inquiry has been delayed in releasing it's report. It would be nice to think that they had happened upon some criminal activity by certain persons, but it is much more likely that they have been corrupted or threatened by said certain persons.

Thursday evening

Good evening,

Well being ill is a drag. The room gets messy and wearing clothes is hard work because they are hot. So don't come round to my house - not a pretty sight!

I have a slight temperature, nothing to worry about, and I am off work, my customer for tomorrow knows I have been ill and he asked if I was coming in, and I said it's best if I don't, because I hadn't eaten all day today and I think this illness is infectious as well and I think trying to work would be silly, I have completely emptied my system of everything. So I will have day off tomorrow, and if I feel better then that's a bonus. I will work Saturday morning if I can, and everyone else is re-booked, no-one has been cross, because normally I am extremely good at turning up.

I slept the afternoon and woke up at 5.30, wish I could say feeling better, but no, I cancelled my clinic appointment, put the bins out and ate some soggy toast, my first food all day. The toast has stayed down with no side effects, and I have had a shower as well. So I must be a bit better. I am imbibing more rehydration salts and have had some Alka whateveritis.

The boss just emailed me about work, the budget has run low for one of the estates so I only have a half day on Monday! Typical! He told me to take some Beechams and it sounds like I have the flu bug that has been going around.

Aha, I wonder if I can book something else in for Monday Afternoon? That would be good.

Being ill is boring because reading or looking at the computer screen or watching DVDs makes me feel worse, nortypeople are not designed to do nothing, it sends our brains mental and we write to the Bishop...Nah, don't worry DakeDake, I am not writing to you. I just think of you when I vomit.

Thursday

ORS doesn't taste any better than it used to, and I should be in bed.

Last night I spent half the night shaking uncontrollably and the other half running for the toilet.

I have had to cancel the day's work again. Which is very frustrating. I would have been working every day this week.

It has been a catastrophic morning because my pyjamas were all newly washed and now they need another wash.

I managed to get up at last, and when I was no longer glued to the toilet I walked over to the pharmacy. I am lucky that we have pharmacies within minutes, because being out and about in this condition is not good. I chatted to the pharmacist, and she recommended things, including ORS, which is what I wanted, you can't go to the loo as many times as I have in the past 24 hours and not be dehydrated. ORS is always disguised in fruit flavours but it tastes revolting whatever you do.

I have a headache that ignores painkillers and is worse when I cough or bend down, I am all cold and clammy, my temperature has dropped from high to low, it is down to 33, I think the thermometer is having a laugh, and I feel rubbish, but at least I got up for a while.

peeps, I should be at work, I feel most indignant that I am having to tell you the gory details of an illness that I shouldn't have, never have, because my immoon system is so good, too good, hence it attacks itself.

The sun is shining outside, I still have two tasks today, one is to postpone my appointment at the clinic and one is to put the bins out this evening.

Wednesday Evening

Good evening peeps,

Well unfortunately I am not much better, I have the chills and my tummy is busily chucking everything out, I am sure you wanted to know that. I have headaches that get worse when I cough, which sounds like virus and nothing else. I have a temperature, I tested by frying an egg on my head, messy but effective.
I think this may be a virus but I have booked to go to the clinic for torture on Friday anyway because I can feel the pain in my shoulder and neck anyway.

I am sitting here in my thermal top, it is too early to go to bed otherwise my night's sleep may be more disrupted, so I am watching The Vicar of Dibley.

Today I didn't stay in bed, I am no good at that, I did two loads of washing, a bit of housework, some shopping, and played a practical joke on my fellow gardener. He obviously hasn't found out yet. I felt so tired and rubbish, but I can't waste a day of this borrowed life. Waiting for the Church of England to kill me.

It is all meds and feeling yukky at the moment, and my insides explode at regular intervals.
Another hour and I will tuck myself into the nortypod and hope for the best.

Wednesday

Good morning peeps,

I am a poorly nortyperson. I woke at 2am, shivering and all hot and achy, I got the blankets and some squash and paracetamol, but I didn't sleep properly after that. I have postponed today's work.

It is raining a bit. I would have done the pressure washing, but I am too poorly. I will see how I feel. I have been sick a lot recently and I have to go to the clinic and ask them if they can wrench my shoulder to see if I get better, because a lot of the ill is from my wrecked body. Although I think the dentist on top of the hard work was just too much for me.
I don't know if dental ex-rays make people ill or just if my body hates any meddling and goes into protest, I know my jaw is sensitive enough to make me ill all on it's own. But wow, I haven't woken up shivering at 2am for a very long time.

I am all medded up now and I do feel better but the pain behind my eyes is such that I have no wish to go anywhere yet. Not even to play a trick on my fellow gardener. I mustn't leave that too late!

I was just looking things up and it says that 5HTP, my anti-depressant, can be used as a painkiller. I am not dependent on 5HTP, I take it when my mood drops very low, but I am just chewing some now to see if it helps. I can't take medical prescription anti-depressants, so I take 5HTP and it works and it doesn't have build up or withdrawal times, it can also be used for insomnia but it causes vivid dreams and sometimes nightmares, and a drugged feeling in the morning which would affect my work.

That reminds me, I was dreaming about my dad again last night, he and my sister were playing scrabble. I looked at the score sheets and it said 22/10, day 3, end of game.
I think my brain was slightly out there, but to be honest I am not sure I remember.

Hey Guernsey,

Have you noticed I haven't told you to get lost recently on your early hours perusing of my blog?
Can't you sleep?
I have a cure.
I am a sleep doctor.
I have a giant mallet and your head is the target.
Problem solved.
Death is an occasional mild side effect.
But don't worry about that.

Tuesday

Hey peeps,

Well Last night I was so tired, I got into bed and slept deeply, no dreams until this morning. Early this morning I was dreaming of a place I have dreamed of before, it doesn't actually exist but in repeat dreams it does and it is in this district.
This place is so beautiful, in the dream, it has a beautiful river and waterfall, and the cliffs and sea, which do exist. But in this dream my dad was there somehow too, and he was kind of narrating a story and there was a beautiful picture.
I woke up wondering if that was paradise.
I was so sleepy, it was hard to get up, and unfortunately I was in pain as well. Which is never a good start. I had to med up as soon as I could stomach the painkillers.

I scrambled myself into clothes and out to the car, via a few cups of tea. And I went to work. I felt I was running late, and I also had to stop for petrol, but in the end I got there in plenty of time.

This was one of my new gardens, and it went well, I got several cups of tea and three shortbread biscuits  and a lot of conversation out of it, and the lady wanted me to do an extra hour, but I had the dentist in the afternoon so I excused myself and will be back there next week. The lady is very happy with my work today, and I did fill a ton bag with waste, so I must have done something.

Anyway, so I came home at lunchtime, showered and changed, ate something, and headed for the dentist.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but my old dentist left to start a new practice, and he was the best dentist I had ever seen, after a lifetime of bad dentistry, so when he left they put me with another dentist who made the bridge for my teeth but was not so good, her English wasn't brilliant so she didn't understand when she was hurting me, she kept ramming this bridge down onto my hurty gum and I got stressed and I wouldn't wear the bridge because it hurts my gum, which gets inflamed and infected.

So I actually ended up registering with my old dentist's new practice, although I did like the other practice, but the new practice is good, and today I got to see my old dentist again, and it was like as if we were just back at the old practice, he hadn't forgotten anything and he was just as good as before. He said the bridge wasn't going to work, and he said what he will do now is carefully build a new tooth instead. It will take a few appointments and one of them is going to be tough. He did an x-ray to make sure the infection wasn't coming from the root.

Anyway, despite my headaches, which I was medded up for, I didn't feel any worse for the dental appointment, I have to go back in two weeks time for the first tooth building appointment.

I came home, the drives there and back are nice, and I was tempted to have a beach cafe stop as I was discussing beach cafes with someone in Jersey earlier, but I decided I needed to get Max parked.

Once I was home and parked, I went shopping, came home with one pair of work trousers and one pair of basic black trousers from the charity shop, and a load of toiletries and essentials from poundland.
Good, I have three pairs of trousers now, I just need enough money for boots and shoes.

Tomorrow is looking damp and grizzly, so I will waterproof up and do a morning's pressure washing.

I have books to keep me amused, a Saint Book and a writing book, and I also have DYAC, and I yesterday I was looking at clips from 'Top Secret', so I may do that again. Ah, pure Jersey, I miss him so much sometimes you know. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=af9N7UhTMA8

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Well I am tired.

This morning I got up at 5am. I needed the loo and it overrode the nightmares and flashbacks so that I was awake.

I had the loo, a shower, some breakfast, and I got on with editing a book. You will be interested to know that I accidentally put together half a book last night, the first in the 'Rage and Terror' series.
So I was idly editing it this morning.

Then I went to work. I got there at 7.30, before anyone else, and got a coffee and a loo break, I always need the loo when I get to work because I drink a lot of tea in the early morning.

Then I got on with the litter pick, we were due to start mowing the estate today and it takes most of the day, so I decided to get the litter pick out of the way.

I had a problem that there was no parking where I am supposed to park so I had parked up the top, which makes me nervous, so when a space came free down there I got the car and scuttled, much to the surprise of my boss and workmate who had arrived and wondered what I was doing!

They were happy to find out I hadn't gone mad and was simply moving the car to where it should be.
The decision to start to mow had been cancelled due to the ground being too wet, and we were going to simply do a blitz of the borders and gutters etc so that everything would be ship-shape for next time when the mowing does start. The mowing takes most of the day, so everything else gets left until last.

I had brought my earphones in expectation of mowing but as there was no mowing, I had my radio on anyway and enjoyed radio 2 all day, I am mature enough for radio 2.

I worked alone, weeding and sweeping, for the morning, the boss did similar elsewhere and my workmate struggled miserably with uprooting some shrubs.

It is always a hard day on the estate. We work very hard because we don't really have enough time for the size and scope of the estate, but never mind, it is work. It would be great if there was more budget and thus more time for our work.
After lunch the boss came and worked with me, and we weeded and swept peacefully and generally got a lot done, while my workmate was having a miserable time with shrubs, which he was unable to salvage.

I was glad when home time came, I was tired.

Here at home I had a shower, went to the shops, had a huge supper, and am sleepily reading some Saint before I have an early night. I am having persistent trouble with pain, and painkillers make little difference, if I could afford it I would go to the clinic so the man could wrench my shoulder back and the pain would go, but I can't afford anything extra, I have no choice about haircut because my hair is a hazard at the moment.

Tomorrow I have one of my new gardens and then the dentist!  Oh well.

The blogs have statted up again, from the Church of England and Winchester, how worrying. Well hi Winchester, how are you? Try not to behave yourself while I am away. Dear Winchester, it is nice that you have joined my journey again, for whatever reason.

What's a brick in a baggle?

A Short Prayer

Dear Lord and Father,

As I watch the blogs statting up again this evening I wonder what evil the Church of England have inflicted now or what evil they are inflicting, to cause the blogs to stat, including stats from Bath and Wells, who have announced themselves as renouncing You, Lord.
I pray that the evil and harm to me by the Church of England falls back upon them and that they can harm me no longer. I pray in Your Name, Lord Jesus, that the Church of England face punishment at least as catastrophic as the harm that they have inflicted on me. I pray to be free from the Church of England to crawl to my grave in relative peace. In Jesus' Name, amen

Sunday

Good morning and welcome to this service or nortyness led by the Reverend JJ. Nortyperson, today we will talk about denominations - quick churchwardens! Lock the doors!

It is Sunday evening, where did the weekend go?

I went to church this morning, and then I came home, I got some mouthwash on the way home.

I have been reading, I have found it hard to do much else. I have read one and a half Saint books, they were my favourites as a teenager and I treated myself to some Kindle ones to try to break the depression a bit.

I have tomorrow's lunch done, and things are just about in order.

I have a busy week with two new gardens and also a dental appointment and hopefully a haircut too.

The blog stats remain high, which indicates a press attack or police attack or just a lot of nosy sods. Hello nosy sods, you are most welcome.

I will be doing another post soon about my life as it is now.

I had another bad night last night of nightmares and flashbacks and distress. It is hard to snap out of that because I can't get myself to get up and out of the half asleep nightmares and flashbacks, I try to go deeper asleep and it doesn't work. It is a terrible place to get stuck in.

Saturday

Hey peeps,

The run of flashbacks and nightmares has continued, and last night was bad, so it was hard to get going this morning.

The funny thing was, someone from Southampton has been looking up Korris related articles. Interesting.

Yesterday I went to assess some work, and was offered the work, the whole thing, there and back and viewing the work only took half an hour, but someone nicked Max's parking space, so we had to play musical cars until he was safely parked.

Today I had a quiet day, watching Lesley Nielsen stuff, and this afternoon I assessed another new garden, and got the work. I like the garden I saw today, that will be fun.
So two new gardens in two days. Must be spring. Well the daffodils and primroses are blooming, so it is.

Anyway. This evening I also went and viewed a place that I had been offered a viewing of. I like it but there has been an unforseen delay in it being prepared for habitation, so if I take it it will be six weeks until I move, argh.

Right now I have DYAC, some music and a Saint book to read, staving off the depression. I am also making up my self-employed accounts. I have to be very good and accurate with those. I have basic accounting training and I have a very simple small business so it isn't too hard.

If I go to this new place I will have television again, which will help, sattelite or freesat, plenty of channels, I think it will help with the depression, not that I watch a lot of television but I am very lost here really.

Friday

Good afternoon peeps,

My trousers are in the wash, and as you can imagine, if you only have one pair of trousers, you have to wear a barrel in the meantime and you can't do much while you are wearing a barrel.
Well, actually I am wearing my pyjamas.

It was raining this morning. It is damp and grizzly now, and I have no choice but to wait until I have trousers before I go to get some food and the local paper.
I have maybe enough money for food for the weekend if I am careful, I may have to see if the welfare have some food for me. I have a few potatos, carrots and tomatos left, but my insides will object if I just have vegetables, I still have trouble digesting them. I need a 43p bag of rice and maybe a tin of fish.
I was supposed to get a refund from something but that has been delayed, so I have about £11 until Tuesday, due to the car insurance going out, and you know they put an admin fee on it every time I move house, so it is way too high now. And I do need the paper as I need to find a home and some more work.

I have had a lot of nightmares recently, and a lot of dreams about the church of england and their inquiries. And one night I dreamed about my old friends in the Winchester district, as if we got to say goodbye properly.

I am really battling depression, I didn't recover well from what happened last year and not having a permanent home isn't helping.

This afternoon I am supposed to go and meet these people about a job, but that is badly timed as I will lose my parking space and have to leave Max goodness knows where and on a weekend night too.

I didn't really tell you about the place I was offered to live recently, I had a feeling it couldn't work and it turned out I was correct, they weren't being clear or honest about council tax and other things and I kind of felt it was wrong, plus they had 10 dogs. I have had a few people contacting me today with possible places, so I will see what happens. I need to be somewhere stable and settled. This place is not a slum but it is a transition place and comings and goings and everything here puts me under stress.

Thursday

Hey peeps,

Tired and aching.

There is a new reader devouring the blog. Slow down new reader, it aint going anywhere, let me tell you all about it.

Yesterday the forecast was bad, but I had my waterproofs, so off I went to work. I pressure washed for four an a half hours solid, and the rain didn't get very heavy.

I was sure I would get sick from the vibration of the pressure washer, so I started taking meds as soon as I got home.

In the evening I went out wiv my mates, and we had a good film evening and a good chat.

It was late by the time I got home to bed, way too late, midnight.

I didn't have worked booked for first thing this morning so I slept in for a bit. I wasn't in any pain when I got up.

Then it was back to the grind.

I went up to the care home and did some very solid and hard weeding. I worked hard, and I really am aching now. It has been the most glorious sunny day though, real spring weather, it makes everything look and feel different.

Tomorrow rain is due and I have nothing booked apart from that delayed potential new client meeting in the afternoon.

I am more likely to be ill tomorrow just from the sudden increase in hard work and machinery use, I am on meds and have deep heat cream rubbed in, but we shall see.

I am just going through the DYAC website and mooching about. My friend sent me videos of his band so I must look through them.