Tuesday

Good evening peeps,

I just finished reading one of my Stephen King books, it only took a large coffee at the late night coffee bar.

Last night I had the same dream, Winchester Cathedral as a ruin, everyone gone. Then I dreamed of my late friend who died a few years ago, she was alive, but not alive, because even in dreams, I tend to know that people who have died are dead, but she was just there in the dream. It made me sad.

Each day is a struggle with severe trauma and depression, waiting for the end. It is hard to sit alone in a dead world. Mornings and evenings are the worst times, and nights can be utter hell if I don't sleep properly.

Last night I really struggled to sleep, and when I slept, it was dreams and nightmares. I was always waiting for that last beating and imprisonment, as you know, but it didn't make it any easier to bear.
I hoped it would kill me, but it stopped just short, and you know how if you see an animal injured on the road, you should put it out of its misery? I wish they had finished it off, not left me waiting for another one.

This reminds me of my childhood on the South Coast, watching the ships go out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os_bSwg02J4