Friday

Hey peeps,

Well I slept through the night but with vivid dreams, then this morning the flashbacks relating to the police, church and NHS were horrific and it was hard to work.

The weather was wet and windy and the traffic was bad. But I worked at the marina with the boys.

They were mowing and I was planting, weeding and hedge trimming.

They didn't have a good day, one broken mower and one broken window. Not happy.

I got a good morning's work done despite the desperate distress. Then I finished at lunch time and came home for my lunch.

Unfortunately it started raining, but I headed back out, hoping for the best, but as well as the continued rain, traffic was horrendous, so I didn't get my old lady's garden done, I went and shut the farm up early. Got the animals fed and out of the weather.

Came home, Titanic was on, so I watched that and then Hollyoaks and did meat and bread for supper.

I had arranged with the director of the samaritans to go in and see them this evening. I always think I will be too tired but if I have an arranged time, it helps. There is only one samaritans branch in the district, some miles from home, and they can be short of volunteers, so I arrange in advance to go and see them.

Before I headed out into the rainy night, I offered my landlady some fresh eggs from the farm, I wasn't sure of myself, shy, I didn't know if they ate eggs, but they like eggs, so that was good.

Sometimes talking to the Samaritans helps, sometimes it doesn't. This time I had to try, because this horrible depression and flashbacks won't lift without action. It helped to talk to a samaritan today. He listened and I talked, and he kept saying it was all amazing and incredible, it doesn't feel amazing or incredible to me, but it helps to be reminded that everything, the rough sleeping, the rebuild of my life, are remarkable and it isn't surprising I have bad patches.

I came home through the rain and wind, which are both heavy now, and talking helps my mind to quiet down, so that is why I go to the samaritans occasionally.
So now I will sleep.

Tomorrow looks wet, but I will do the farm, and hopefully the care home as well.