Saturday

Good afternoon peeps,

Well I woke up early this morning but was too sleepy so I ended up trapped in a place between sleep and waking, the place where terrors and sadness lurk.

Eventually I got up, but it was a slow start.

I have been trying to prepare 'Destruction' for publication, but of course it is too traumatic, so I get upset and anxious.
People online have been supportive, which is nice, but I am sitting here still not able to focus on the book, even with new ideas for additions to it. Not, of course, changing the story, but enhancing the reality of what happened. It is a bit like 'The Churchwarden' I have to close my eyes in order to write it, and that detracts from it and makes it a less full book.

Anyway, at least I got the rent paid today, the rent here is steep, but that is the price I pay for my safety and welfare, it was impossible to go on with the stress of living in slums while trying to fight for my life against the church. But anyway, the rent meant I ended up with only £2.97 left. So I took my emergency small change to coinstar and turned it into £1.79 and used my £2.79 on a packet of chicken thighs which will make a few meals. So at last, at 3.30 I had a late lunch or early supper, of chicken with the remainder of my rice. Now I have chicken with potatoes and carrots for tomorrow's lunch, and enough bread for toast tomorrow morning.
 It's hard to live like this, but I am used to it. No one here is poor like me, because this is specialist housing and they don't usually take disabled gardeners here, I just sneaked in. They don't notice all that much as I keep myself to myself.

Anyway, so I have eaten and my washing is done, including bed linen. The place needs a slight clean and tidy but apart from that all I really have to do is get this book done. I have caught up with my writing module at university, and I will be having extra tuition with the music from next week.

It is a very cold clear day, and I would like to be out and about, but life isn't about what we want, it is about what is necessary.