What can I do?

What can I do 
when I blame myself
and others probably do too?

Was I supposed to say
don't waste your life fighting for me
just enjoy your retirement?

Was I supposed to shut up
when everything hurt 
too much to bear?
Yes

What can I do now?
Pray?
sit in the Samaritans 
in a gibbering heap
and feel sorry

for you,
your family
and myself?

I feel lost 
and useless
and the questions
what now? What now?
Keep coming. 

I never felt more alone
So I will pray that you
recover
and spend the rest of your retirement
with your family, in peace.