Monday morning

Good morning,

Well after watching humans, I went to bed, but only slept with difficulty and shallowly, I should have got up and take some 5HTP but I was reluctant to wake myself up further. There were no terrors or flashbacks or nightmares, but there were dreams.

I had a few dreams towards the end of the night, firstly I dreamed that I was going back to Jersey and the Diocese of Winchester had set it all up, in real life apparently the Diocese did plan to send me back to Jersey, according to rumour, and that would be why I got sickly sweet emails from people I knew in Jersey saying how much they had missed me and looked forward to seeing me again, they got my opinion on that, why should I want to see anyone who abandoned me when the diocese had me imprisoned and left homeless?
Anyway, the diocese trying to return me to Jersey would be like my brothers when we were young saying that they would get a puppy and kick it downstairs, and when the RSPCA arrived, they would kick it back upstairs and say 'see, no harm done!'

The Diocese of Winchester want to play God, but with no understanding of humanity at all, why would I go back to Jersey when the only thing that could happen after I had been publicly destroyed by the church in Jersey was that I had to leave Jersey in order to have any life, and sadly of course, the diocese destroyed me again and again when I left Jersey, in fact they have never stopped.
And as I mentioned before, my brothers, mentioned above, went on to be deeply cruel and criminal and abusive, but the diocese wouldn't have them destroyed, because they didn't commite the henious crime of standing up to the church, so while they got off scot free for numerous crimes that added to my disturbed state, the so-called Christian Church had me publicly destroyed, and still are doing.

Anyway, the dreams triggered that rant.

The second dream was another church one, I dreamed I was at a kind of Children's home or orphanage, but I was one of the children, some of the kids were so dirty that someone was hosing them down, I had obviously had a wash or shower as well and was wrapped in my big pink towel that exists in real life,
Then the Archbishop of Canterbury arrived at the home, to interview me, apparently, he was with a woman who was apparently his chaplain or PA, but the strange thing was, neither of them would look at me or acknowledge me, even though they were apparently there to see me, and I tried to find some clothes but they still wouldn't look at me or acknowledge me, but the other kids crowded round them, and then there were some people who looked like police or security guards, but still the Archbishop and his female assistant turned their heads away. As if they had arrived with a claim to want to interview me and were just going to stand ignoring me. Very church of england.

I woke up, wondering at this vivid dream, I take it to be related to the Archbishop's attitude to the Jersey and Winchester matter, how he has turned away from the badly behaved clergy, allowed them to influence the matter and leave me defamed and voiceless and has washed his hands.

I got up at 6.15am and got a cuppa while pumping the bike tyre up a bit or trying to.
It was raining and I went delivering papers in the rain, came home wet, put the clothes on a short wash and had a warm shower and some breakfast.
There is no way I can do the garden clearance in this weather and with other immovable jobs and a deadline for this one, I am a bit stumped, although it is not as bad as it sounds, the majority of the work is done and it is a question of just prepping for turf and gravel and bark, I do not want to actually get into the landscaping and I am a maintenance and clearance gardener not a landscaper, maybe I can farm the landscaping off to the guy who talks a lot, only it would never get done.

I will await messages as how to proceed.

In the meantime I have paperwork to do, as always. And some music practice.

Someone was looking up the Jersey Evangelical Anthem on my other blog, I guess it extends to a lot of the rabid evanglical diocese of winchester, which is why Jane Fisher couldn't actually investigate some of the damaging evangelical practice in Jersey and nor could Bishop Willmott, because both of them are in agreement with it even though a lot of serious safeguarding issues are and were caused by it:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EprQGmZ3Imw

I don't usually rant on this blog but I still suffer a few flashbacks and distress in the mornings even with the horrors of the night time flashbacks suddenly gone. The dreams can trigger the distress.