Thursday afternoon

Hey peeps,

It is still hard to write, but I will make a token effort.

I don't feel well.

I am off work.

Which is not a good thing.

I hate feeling ill, and I hate being off work.

Things are as normal. The sun has come out so rather than sit at home, I will have a bike ride, but not a very long one.

When I was sorting my spare blankets the other day, the cat chose one for himself and sat firmly on it and made faces at me. So now he has a blanket square next to me to sleep on at night, he is very forgiving when I lash out in my sleep or bump him, he turns around, sometimes bites me and then forgets all about it. He purrs a lot and I am glad for his company, I am his primary carer and he is my companion, but I do not own him and thus will never have vet bills, however, he is fourteen, so eventually he will die, which is a sad thought.

I have not being doing anything much, just working, doing music practice, been put in for my first exam and now working on the next level.
I haven't felt well this week and so today I cancelled my paid and voluntary work, and I may do the same tomorrow.

The weather remains fine, and because I have been only focussing on work and music recently, I am making a point of going out for a walk with the gang on Sunday, then I will go to the welfare meal as well.

I did do the shopping this morning, hail thou long expected shopping!

You know how the Church of England in their ignorance and arrogance tried to completely invalidate my autism? Making me feel I had to be normal and couldn't be me? Very psychologically harmful. Well one of my gardening customers is autistic, on exactly the same spectrum as me, a very intelligent and lively and nice man, and he has suffered all his life from bad attitudes like that of the diocese, but in the end, he knows who he is, and he and I could talk for hours because we have such similar experiences and such similar habits, he was a university professor as a career, and I know how people like Korris and Steel, in their ignorance and being misled by idiots in Jersey and the ignorant church of England, tried to say I couldn't be autistic because I led a normal life, but this chap I work for has been through the same as me, been told he has to act normally, been slated if he doesn't, and then because, like me, he has made an effort, people have tried to say there is nothing wrong with him.
We can't win, and he, the same as me, feels unnatural 'being normal' and would rather be autistic.
I absolutely love doing his garden, he used to do his own garden until his physical difficulties increased. He has two collies, and his carer has one, so I get ambushed by these dogs when I get there, and then they want me to play while I am working, and his dogs are to him the same as the cat is to me, safe companions who do not make the same demands as human beings.
For example, I would not want someone sitting in my room in the evenings when I watch the Simpsons while supper cooks, I would only want to think about the Simpsons and my routine, however, the cat being there, purring and thinking about his soft blanket is not invasive at all, it is comforting.

I didn't tell you my funny dream from the other night, I dreamed I was doing my music practice and the semibreves all turned into hedgehogs and hurried off the page and I was so stressed trying to catch my wandering semibreves that I woke up very tense indeed. I was relieved to wake up, and I realised it was a very 'Alice in Wonderland' sort of dream, but incredibly funny to realise how much tension my worries about music were actually causing me.
I have a learning difficulty that technically prevents me from learning music, but I also have a counter-learning-difficulty technique that works very well and has done with my other learning, but it does tend to mean that I have the learning subject on my mind a lot.
I have successfully completed the first music syllabus and am taking the exam in June, in the meantime I now revise and continue with the next level. I have learned music. I will die at the hands of the Diocese, knowing I have achieved part of a lifelong dream, one that I have been thwarted in for 34 years, and especially as the Church had me destroyed and left homeless when I had a keyboard and was just starting to learn music when I was in Jersey.
It always hurts to try to re-start anything that was terminated by the Church destroying me in Jersey but now it is no longer part of that old life but part of this new one.