Monday Afternoon

Good afternoon.
Well, I did curry and rice at lunchtime, and I was so tired from being up at 3.30am that I had a sleep this afternoon, it was a cold, shallow sleep, and I had sad dreams about my family.
I know those dreams are like an expression of the solitude of my adult life after all those years in a noisy crowded pack, but they still happen. I wouldn't go back, even if that noisy crowded pack still existed instead of being split and disbanded and troubled as they are.

Anyway, I woke shivering and aching, knowing I have to do something about my bed as I am not sleeping comfortably or relaxing, I naturally sleep on my back, and on this bed I can't sleep comfortably like that, so I keep rolling over onto my side, which isn't comfortable.

I got up and it was 4pm, so I did a water bottle and put my thermal vest on, and got a cuppa and put the kiddies programmes on.
I don't normally sleep during the day or put the television on until the kiddies programmes come on.
I am so worried about things.
This isn't for delicate ears, but I am stressed, I am still no angel, autistic and messed, up, I get stressed, this is a reality and I know the CofE love it when I say angry and wierd things because it proves their point but,
I have heard so much bullshit today that I wondered if I was back on the farm!

Anyway, warmed up and with tea, I am sitting here, wondering what next, I still find indoors so empty and pointless.
I am trying so hard with strategy to help myself and it is making me so tired, it is all paperwork and conversation and changes and it all stresses me a lot.

I am also having trouble with my back where the lump is, and pain running down my leg a bit, hopeful to have a phys assessment next week.

I could murder a peanut butter sandwich, but I might eat one instead, if I can find peanut butter. Murder is very wrong.

Oh well, welcome back Guernsey, missed you, been skiing have you?