Thursday Night

Good evening,
I am getting a lot of stats, are you waiting for an update?

well last night it was hard to settle to sleep. Eventually I did, had dreams, including a nightmare, woke all groggy and upset, did breakfast and shower very slowly.
I was asked why I have to hide from the Diocese, 'sobviousinnit?

eventually I managed to drag myself away from the computer, and I had a journey to make and lots to do, saw another rainbow.
I am not designed for interaction, and I found the day exhausting and not very productive, the depression is not helping.

The problem with being in a house is that I feel frightened and insecure and afraid of the diocese and police, I struggle to settle to sleep at night because I am so anxious, and I know sleep and semi-sleep is the time I suffer most and cannot dissociate, so at night I take herbal tablets that cause grogginess in the morning, and in the day I take 5-HTP to try and combat the house-related depression, I also need eye drops and moisturizer because houses are so dry.
If I was outdoors, as soon as I found somewhere hidden to sleep, I would feel better, this depression would lift and I would be sleeping well after a week to adjust, it would be such a relief.
The other problem with indoors is that outdoors kept my spine happy most of the time, and increasingly where that benign tumour on my back is, it hurts and aches and sometimes affects the way I walk, I think it doesn't like indoors and beds, and I think it may be pressing a bit on my spine or a nerve. It has moved a bit so it is more on my spine, or maybe it has grown a little bit.
I cannot risk being traced again by the police and diocese, and the diocese has made my relationship with doctors very difficult, so at the moment I will leave it, it is benign but just a slight nuisance these days.

Anyway, I came home an hour ago and am drinking tea, listening to classical music and already drugged by the herbal stuff, someone has been encouraging me to take chamomile tea at bed time, but it tastes like weeds and I do not like it and I think it is triggering more vivid dreams. Also I am not sure if it is safe with herbal sleep tablets.

The weather is very wet and windy.

I keep thinking I will burst into poetry, as I do when depressed, I used to warn the readers of the 'homeless' (offline) blog when I was about to get poetic :)

Not much else to tell you, I have done the houshold chores and eaten meals as usual, all very boring.