Tuesday 1am

Yes, well, we are not having such a good night.
The flashbacks, nightmares and depression associated with indoors, along with anxiety and fear of the diocese and their police, have been building rapidly, and tonight, woken by innocent harmless noise as I was falling asleep, I freaked out, grabbed blankets, fled the house into the lovely big dark safe outdoors, I was deeply longing to just go out into the night and sleep in some quiet corner.
But that is not quite how life works, so after sitting in McD's with dreadful emotions raining down on me and feeling very ashamed at my reaction, I came back, I think I have caused a bit of a stir here by fleeing, and it needs to be sorted out in the morning.
I long for the deep peace and safety of the streets, but life can't always be what we want, I may have to return to the streets if we can't work this out, I am so scared of noise indoors at night and people, so terrified, that it is going to be hard to keep me indoors. :(
If only therapy brought quicker results and if only I could afford my therapy :(
I have sent the SOS out to my friends for tomorrow, and we will just have to see what we can do.