Hi peeps,
well I got my laundry done this morning, which is an achievement. I also ended the crazy crazy situation where I am forced to relive the horror of the church of enngland over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.. well, you get the picture.
I remain living in fear and in great distress and unheard but at least I will stop being badgered for the same bit of information 20 times over. It doesn't make any difference that I have lost. I had lost the minute the church used the BBC to attack me and cover up in 2009, or even before that. I was born to suffer and lose.
I am not suicidal, I am just simply defeated, but I always have been. In 2004 or 2005 my counsellor did an assessment of me that showed that I had high levels of despair, and that was purely from being unable to integrate into the normal world with Asperger Syndrome and having grown up in the crazy world I grew up in. Imagine, if my despair was high then, after five years of pure hell from the church of england and now all this nightmare, imagine, how despairing I am now. And all of this recently has been for nothing.

Anyway, I came back here, couldn't persuade myself to eat anything or do anything and here I am, trying to persuade myself to sleep. I am supposed to use my crisis notes etc and do my daily maintenance even if I don't feel like it. But sitting in despair is a much better option.