Hi Bloggypeeps,
you seem to be reading avidly, what would you like me to tell you? Sorry I am not doing my regular updates in detail at the moment.

Well, yesterday I scrambled into town late and tense and went for a volunteers interview.
(late because the stupid buses here never run on time).

I was having the screaming horrors about the interview because I didn't know how I was going to explain myself and my life, but it was ok.
I filled in forms and had a chat with a lady who went through a vast wealth of opportunities, to make a long story short, I was working half of yesterday in a nature reserve, with plenty more work where that came from. Think about that, not only am I back to my old beloved work, but it is on my terms, no pressure and I am a volunteer again! Those of you who know me and my story will know how I loved my volunteer work which I used to fit round my 'real' work, and how devastated I was about losing that part of my life.
There are plenty more opportunities of volunteering, and even my old stewarding and marshalling at events jobs, though I have to be more careful about those because of my health and state of mind. But I could almost be a full time volunteer if I wanted to.
The side effect of working again so far is pain in my legs and feet, stiffness and hobbling, hopefully it will wear off as I continue.
I almost worked today, but there weren't enough people onsite today, so I will do saturday.

Today I caught some trains and ended up some miles away, went to the daycentre in this new town, drank tea, got talking to a man who is most probably schitzophrenic and reminded me of a cross between my old 'friend' Carl and my old friend 'P'. He took me to a church that was doing homeless lunch, and there we had spam sandwiches and tea, people gathered round and talked, as they do, and then I escaped as the guy I met was a bit clingy and I was getting worried because he was obviously a lonely man, he kept on about trust and asking if he could trust me, he told me lots of girls had used him, and I do believe him, he is vulnerable and confused and hurt, but I am not fit for a relationship and neither is he, he said what M. used to say about me, that he liked me because I was one of the only girls he met who wasn't on drugs or an alcoholic.

Anyway, I had a wander around the town and looked at potential sleeping places and bedding. I like this town and I was so tempted to sleep rough here, I wanted to run away from home. But I was so tired and unsure of myself, so I texted my friend in sattelite town and explained how I was feeling, he said they would prefer me to come back or they would be concerned, I do not want them concerned, and I was so tired, so I came back, there is a full house here again, but I am glad to be back and sleep in my soft duvet in their conservatory, I feel tired and sick and shivery, my right hand keeps on and on twitching, maybe because of physio on my neck and shoulder, not sure if it is a memory of the spasms I got in the past, but basically who cares. I am tired.

It is my friends' official anniversary today, so they have nice cards, and yes I remembered.
It is cold and I feel tired, the flashbacks have been an endless stream and there have been some tears as well. :(
Ok bloggies, I need to stop the emotions and look at tucking down, I could have slept hours ago and I think I could do a marathon sleep now.