it is wet and sleety outdoors, I went to the toilet to take my medicines that I forgot earlier and I ended up wandering round town looking for stickers, I found enough for another cup of tea, which I will have later, I also found two bananas in a bin, I said out loud to God 'I can't live on bananas', because the only other food I have is two bananas that my friend gave me this morning and two clemantines from yesterday.

I got a text from P. at 1am this morning saying I can go and crash at his place, he's loopy, he thinks I stay up into the early hours, he should know better by now, anyway, I can't text back as I have no credit. I wish he would phone and then I wouldn't feel guilty for not answering and he wouldn't feel like I am sulking.

My friend is now busy until Christmas and can't have me to stay, it was kind of her to have me to stay at all.
Staying with her sometimes reminds me last year approaching Christmas when Jeanette, the friend of the diocese and Bishop took me in and pretended not to know anything about the situation, I am only reminded because my friend lives alone in a similar house with a pampered cat and Jeanette lived alone in such a house only a bit posher and with a pampered dog.  But my friend knows nothing, which tells me that the diocese of Hometown may still not know my whereabouts. My friend is a church reader, and if the diocese of Hometown knew my location then they would ban her from having me to stay.

It is a raw deal for church abuse victims who are homeless, homeless people rely on the church, homeless outreach services, soup kitchens, daycentres, nightshelters etc are so frequently run by churches and religeous organizations, and if you are homeless because of church abuse then you are doubly shamed and shunned and vulnerable, if you have to rely on the same church that damaged you in order to survive it is bad news. And I feel terrible slipping through the net by using a different name.