There is a meal for homeless people at 7pm, I am going to go to it even though I don't feel sociable, I feel like I have infection in all my bones and joins and I feel so sad.
I woke up with bad memories of the church, the worst memories and the guilt that the church have forced onto me, then memories of my family and childhood start to invade as well, I do not deliberately remember anything, I try to forget, but I cannot always forget or be in control of forgetting.

I can try to explain some of the blessings I count every day, some of the other homeless people and some of the people who feed and look after the homeless people are some of my blessings, sometimes when I am given food and am with my homeless pals I think 'well if I hadn't been through what I have been through then I wouldn't have the privilage of this company and this experience and this food'. And there isn't an ounce of sarcasm or bitterness in that statement, it is 100% genuine.

On that happy note I will go to this meal, I feel very alone and sad and vulnerable tonight.