I cannot cope with doctors and medical things, so I don't cope.
I don't want medicines and useless advice, I just want to be out of pain and out of this hopeless living death.
There, that is my rant.

the nurse says I should eat a healthy diet with lots of fruit, my diet is sandwiches and cooked food from the daycentres and soup runs, and though I have access to fruit, I also have GERD which means I am unable to digest most fruit. She went on about carbohydrates and proteins but couldn't actually tell me how to change my diet to what she felt it should be.  This is all because I was sick at the weekend, I do not think my diet is enough to make me as ill as I was. Nurse has an unhelpful attitude, so I wont see her again. I find medical people and medicines difficult.

the protest is still going well out there. Good. It is freezing cold, an arctic wind, beautiful with blue cold clouds.

The internet is my lifeline, my life is too diminished to rebuild, but here I write away to myself and on facebook and online I belong to several survivors groups and talk to friends and fellow survivors, I go on a crisis help site and a prayer website, but nothing really diminishes the pain of the terrible harm and injustice inflicted on me by the church.