Tuesday evening

Good evening,

Well, I am tired and miserable.

This morning I actually woke up ok, and I had done a packed lunch, so I set off for an interview to do volunteer gardening at one of the district's local attractions, which is quite a nice estate.
I got there well in time, and had a nice chat and a walk round, and I start next week, subject to boots and paperwork. The paperwork will only be wrong because of the diocese of winchester if it is.

Rather than go home and come out again, I got the bus and went to the shop. The boss looked at his watch and I said I was only two hours early and the other boss said I can do extra when I want! But the boss was only joking when he looked at his watch and he laughed and said 'Most people come in and say they are only two hours late!' And a customer laughed too.

so that was a good start, and I did some sponsored pedalling, did a load of clothes steaming and various other things, and in the end I did nearly a whole working day at the shop as well as getting through the interview first thing.

The only trouble is, I am having a bad flashback patch, as you  will have noticed from recent blogs, and it throws rationality out the window and I suffer severe distress and what would be clinical depression if I felt this way full time, but as far as I know, I no longer suffer full time depression, which, all things considered, is really odd.
But the flashbacks destabilize me, and they are not just during waking hours, they come as nightmares that wake into flashbacks, which I can assure you is deeply scary and horrible, the psychologist was quite concerned when I used to tell him about these episodes.

I came home just wanting to go to bed, I have made myself eat and bathe, although I didn't really feel like either, or getting out of the bath after bathing.
I will now go to bed and hope that I feel slightly more calm in the morning.