It is pouring with rain.
I am lying on my bed, drinking tea and feeling a bit tired.
I have just been to lunch with my friend and she said that she and her husband will pick me up later and I can stay over with them. Just to help me chill out. :) chill like a penguin.
I am not sure how to persuade my subconscious that I am safe in a house and that noise does not mean I am in a police cell.
I guess therapy or even a bit of justice and truth about the way I have been treated would help, but at the moment, both seem impossible.
I only have ratty old teabags left, so I am using two per cup.
It is such a pity how, after doing so well for 9 days or so, I freaked, but, unsurprising, it was building up, and I need to find out how to stop that happening.
The streets still call to me as well.
Tuesday 31 December 2013
Tuesday 1am
Yes, well, we are not having such a good night.
The flashbacks, nightmares and depression associated with indoors, along with anxiety and fear of the diocese and their police, have been building rapidly, and tonight, woken by innocent harmless noise as I was falling asleep, I freaked out, grabbed blankets, fled the house into the lovely big dark safe outdoors, I was deeply longing to just go out into the night and sleep in some quiet corner.
But that is not quite how life works, so after sitting in McD's with dreadful emotions raining down on me and feeling very ashamed at my reaction, I came back, I think I have caused a bit of a stir here by fleeing, and it needs to be sorted out in the morning.
I long for the deep peace and safety of the streets, but life can't always be what we want, I may have to return to the streets if we can't work this out, I am so scared of noise indoors at night and people, so terrified, that it is going to be hard to keep me indoors. :(
If only therapy brought quicker results and if only I could afford my therapy :(
I have sent the SOS out to my friends for tomorrow, and we will just have to see what we can do.
The flashbacks, nightmares and depression associated with indoors, along with anxiety and fear of the diocese and their police, have been building rapidly, and tonight, woken by innocent harmless noise as I was falling asleep, I freaked out, grabbed blankets, fled the house into the lovely big dark safe outdoors, I was deeply longing to just go out into the night and sleep in some quiet corner.
But that is not quite how life works, so after sitting in McD's with dreadful emotions raining down on me and feeling very ashamed at my reaction, I came back, I think I have caused a bit of a stir here by fleeing, and it needs to be sorted out in the morning.
I long for the deep peace and safety of the streets, but life can't always be what we want, I may have to return to the streets if we can't work this out, I am so scared of noise indoors at night and people, so terrified, that it is going to be hard to keep me indoors. :(
If only therapy brought quicker results and if only I could afford my therapy :(
I have sent the SOS out to my friends for tomorrow, and we will just have to see what we can do.
Monday 30 December 2013
Monday Evening
I have been mainly just sitting or lying here, resting, watching films, doing computer stuff.
Sadly I have been having a lot of flashbacks, this is what living indoors does, if I was to go out and sleep on the streets I would feel considerable relief, and I am recovering again from the M.E. so technically I could go back on the streets, and will do if the Church of England harm me again, but I will try for as long as I can to grit my teeth and stay here.
It is funny how the church of england ignored my distress and violently destroyed me for it, and yet they have left all the wrongdoers unreprimanded, absolved and in church positions, free to do it again, this is the Church of England, and thus, not even remotely acting as Christians, they no longer have a place in society, the church of england is a danger to vulnerable people as, not only do they harbour abusers but they are so out of touch with how things are for poor and disabled and vulnerable people that they are a danger to them, which is highlighted by the damage they have inflicted on me.
Walking is painful, I need physio, but I can hardly afford milk and butter, never mind phys.
Sadly I have been having a lot of flashbacks, this is what living indoors does, if I was to go out and sleep on the streets I would feel considerable relief, and I am recovering again from the M.E. so technically I could go back on the streets, and will do if the Church of England harm me again, but I will try for as long as I can to grit my teeth and stay here.
It is funny how the church of england ignored my distress and violently destroyed me for it, and yet they have left all the wrongdoers unreprimanded, absolved and in church positions, free to do it again, this is the Church of England, and thus, not even remotely acting as Christians, they no longer have a place in society, the church of england is a danger to vulnerable people as, not only do they harbour abusers but they are so out of touch with how things are for poor and disabled and vulnerable people that they are a danger to them, which is highlighted by the damage they have inflicted on me.
Walking is painful, I need physio, but I can hardly afford milk and butter, never mind phys.
Monday 30th afternoon
Good afternoon.
Well I was good, I went up and got a cuppa and a chat and my letters and parcel.
The parcel contained socks, gloves and three cards, thank you Canada.
I then took my washing to the launderette, I did both the wash and the dry there, instead of waiting for the washing machine here.
So my washing is clean and dry. I got milk and bread and pizza on the way home, and by the time I got home I was ravenous and cooked the pizza as it was gone 3pm and I had had no lunch.
I am running short of money, could have done without the laundry fees, but I needed clean clothes and I needed everything dry because otherwise I end up with a damp room and damp towels that never dry, unhygenic.
I am home and watching Alice in Wonderland while I wait for Mary Poppins to start.
I have had good messages from the charity, we raised a fantastic sum, and my tin did really well, no wonder it was so heavy. I had to keep moving it from hand to hand.
I think I will have to venture into the cupboard later and sort it out, I need to hang up all my new coats, I am a bit worried about that cupboard, you may need to send a search party after me.
I managed to catch the elusive one and tell him I am worried about the bathroom ceiling, but he says it's ok and he knows it isn't me, it was someone else's fault.
Well I was good, I went up and got a cuppa and a chat and my letters and parcel.
The parcel contained socks, gloves and three cards, thank you Canada.
I then took my washing to the launderette, I did both the wash and the dry there, instead of waiting for the washing machine here.
So my washing is clean and dry. I got milk and bread and pizza on the way home, and by the time I got home I was ravenous and cooked the pizza as it was gone 3pm and I had had no lunch.
I am running short of money, could have done without the laundry fees, but I needed clean clothes and I needed everything dry because otherwise I end up with a damp room and damp towels that never dry, unhygenic.
I am home and watching Alice in Wonderland while I wait for Mary Poppins to start.
I have had good messages from the charity, we raised a fantastic sum, and my tin did really well, no wonder it was so heavy. I had to keep moving it from hand to hand.
I think I will have to venture into the cupboard later and sort it out, I need to hang up all my new coats, I am a bit worried about that cupboard, you may need to send a search party after me.
I managed to catch the elusive one and tell him I am worried about the bathroom ceiling, but he says it's ok and he knows it isn't me, it was someone else's fault.
Monday 30th, morning
Stalkerstat is going mad catching up, Sunday is a bad day isn't it?
Good morning,
Last night I had real difficulty getting to sleep, I was lying there for hours.
Eventually I slept and this morning was in stupor with nightmares into flashbacks as I woke, not fun :(
I got up slowly, well, I have only just had my breakfast and am going to shower soon, but the weather is terrible, so that is my excuse.
When I went in the kitchen, the dog and the cat both wanted a fuss, so I was stroking one with one hand and patting the other with the other hand. at least I was wearing my old jeans so dog drool doesn't matter, and the fish don't need patting, they just swim and look pretty, I am very fond of fish, I can end up watching them for a long time.
I still have to do my washing and go and collect the post :( waiting for the washing machine.
Jersey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0G1Ucw5HDg
Good morning,
Last night I had real difficulty getting to sleep, I was lying there for hours.
Eventually I slept and this morning was in stupor with nightmares into flashbacks as I woke, not fun :(
I got up slowly, well, I have only just had my breakfast and am going to shower soon, but the weather is terrible, so that is my excuse.
When I went in the kitchen, the dog and the cat both wanted a fuss, so I was stroking one with one hand and patting the other with the other hand. at least I was wearing my old jeans so dog drool doesn't matter, and the fish don't need patting, they just swim and look pretty, I am very fond of fish, I can end up watching them for a long time.
I still have to do my washing and go and collect the post :( waiting for the washing machine.
Jersey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0G1Ucw5HDg
Sunday 29 December 2013
Sunday 29th Evening
Good evening,
I am happy to welcome the new readers, but kind of missing my stalkerstat at the moment, they usually check in every few hours, thirsty for details of what I am eating and wearing :)
Well, this afternoon I did a few errands, checked prices for drying clothes at the launderette, checked money, got rid of the rubbish, shopped for loo roll and milk.
Then I had a walk and ended up at church.
Church was good, all the gang was there, and they had deduced that I didn't go this morning because of the crowds. I felt slightly sad because my friend said they had expected me to be around and had set a place for me at lunch, whereas I was here doing my domestic tasks and I did spicy instant noodles for my lunch.
But they respected my space, which is an excellent sign, because as long as plenty of space is had, then I don't freak out.
anyway,, church was lovely, and then there was tea and coffee afterwards, and lots of chatting.
Then I got a lift home, swiped the hoover and hoovered while the kettle was on for hot water bottle and tea.
Then I did some fish pie, because despite the time, I shouldn't go to bed empty, sleep is hard enough as it is, and I put my microwavable cat hot water bottle in the microwave, it is not really a hot water bottle, it is a hot thing to heat up. It has lavender and chamomile in it to calm me down, and I need calming down, I am so very tense here, especially at night, terrified as the past sweeps over me repeatedly and feeling very vulnerable to the church and police, and in contrast, I am delighted with this place, I do not love it or feel attachment, because I know it can be smithereened by the diocese, who can wipe out my life and friendships in an instant, as they repeatedly have, but I am trying to live each hour, each day at a time. and having lists and tasks to complete helps.
Tomorrow my tasks are to put my clothes and towels in the wash and then take them to the laundarette to dry them in the dryer there as they simply do not dry properly in here and the weather is bad.
My other task tomorrow is to arrange to collect my parcel that came from Canada and my letters. I do not much like these tasks but I must do them.
Remind the Church of England //www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiUQE5bJKFU
I am happy to welcome the new readers, but kind of missing my stalkerstat at the moment, they usually check in every few hours, thirsty for details of what I am eating and wearing :)
Well, this afternoon I did a few errands, checked prices for drying clothes at the launderette, checked money, got rid of the rubbish, shopped for loo roll and milk.
Then I had a walk and ended up at church.
Church was good, all the gang was there, and they had deduced that I didn't go this morning because of the crowds. I felt slightly sad because my friend said they had expected me to be around and had set a place for me at lunch, whereas I was here doing my domestic tasks and I did spicy instant noodles for my lunch.
But they respected my space, which is an excellent sign, because as long as plenty of space is had, then I don't freak out.
anyway,, church was lovely, and then there was tea and coffee afterwards, and lots of chatting.
Then I got a lift home, swiped the hoover and hoovered while the kettle was on for hot water bottle and tea.
Then I did some fish pie, because despite the time, I shouldn't go to bed empty, sleep is hard enough as it is, and I put my microwavable cat hot water bottle in the microwave, it is not really a hot water bottle, it is a hot thing to heat up. It has lavender and chamomile in it to calm me down, and I need calming down, I am so very tense here, especially at night, terrified as the past sweeps over me repeatedly and feeling very vulnerable to the church and police, and in contrast, I am delighted with this place, I do not love it or feel attachment, because I know it can be smithereened by the diocese, who can wipe out my life and friendships in an instant, as they repeatedly have, but I am trying to live each hour, each day at a time. and having lists and tasks to complete helps.
Tomorrow my tasks are to put my clothes and towels in the wash and then take them to the laundarette to dry them in the dryer there as they simply do not dry properly in here and the weather is bad.
My other task tomorrow is to arrange to collect my parcel that came from Canada and my letters. I do not much like these tasks but I must do them.
Remind the Church of England //www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiUQE5bJKFU
Sunday 29th, lunchtime
I have just watched part of 'Goodnight Mr. Tom' which is an awesome excellent film, I have also been good and done tidying and cleaning and cleaned the bathroom and made the bed and wiped the surfaces, I just need to put the laundry on and hoover up. :) And then, if this glorious weather continues, I will have a walk and go to church this evening.
Has anyone seen the Sky Advert with Corbiere and Jersey Government in it? :)
Has anyone seen the Sky Advert with Corbiere and Jersey Government in it? :)
Sunday 29th, morning
Good morning,
Well, I am not at church this morning, as you can tell.
It would have been a very crowded special service at church this morning and I am tired, last night was a second night of very bad dreams and tensions. So I am resting and leaving church until this evening.
It feels a bit funny and norty not to go to church, but I do this sometimes. It is so much different from 2011 and early 2012 when church made me ill so I often didn't go.
I can always go to vigil mass or early communion but I was too tired last night and this morning.
I am wrapped in my duvet eating Christmas cake icing, how norty.
I think being indoors bring the terrible realities back, whereas being out on the streets is like being dead, so now I get nightmares and flashbacks.
Last nights dreams included my family and the Diocese of Winchester.
Some of it was bizarre, I dreamed I was working for Bishop Tim on a 'country estate' only the country estate was in Southampton, by St. Mary's football stadium (where the morons flock and cause chaos at weekends) but anyway, it was a real old farm place and there was so much that needed doing. Bizarre.
If Bishop Tim owns such a place, he is welcome to employ me, I need work.
Well, I am not at church this morning, as you can tell.
It would have been a very crowded special service at church this morning and I am tired, last night was a second night of very bad dreams and tensions. So I am resting and leaving church until this evening.
It feels a bit funny and norty not to go to church, but I do this sometimes. It is so much different from 2011 and early 2012 when church made me ill so I often didn't go.
I can always go to vigil mass or early communion but I was too tired last night and this morning.
I am wrapped in my duvet eating Christmas cake icing, how norty.
I think being indoors bring the terrible realities back, whereas being out on the streets is like being dead, so now I get nightmares and flashbacks.
Last nights dreams included my family and the Diocese of Winchester.
Some of it was bizarre, I dreamed I was working for Bishop Tim on a 'country estate' only the country estate was in Southampton, by St. Mary's football stadium (where the morons flock and cause chaos at weekends) but anyway, it was a real old farm place and there was so much that needed doing. Bizarre.
If Bishop Tim owns such a place, he is welcome to employ me, I need work.
Saturday 28 December 2013
Saturday 28th Afternoon
Good afternoon,
Well this morning I dozed off again at 5am, and managed to stay out of the stupor as the alarm clocks started yelling at 6am, so my doze remained light until nearly 8am, when I shot out of bed and had a shower and some tea and hurried off to the work I was to do.
I was on street collection again, and everyone was nice and it went well, a bit hard on my legs, but worse was when I started having flashbacks about Jersey Police, you can't tell people who are being nice and giving you money that you are having flashbacks to the police treating you badly for your abuser, so you have to try and override the flashbacks and keep smiling, even though inside you there is hopelessness that nothing can heal because the wrongdoing is covered up and there will never be justice and you are branded for life.
How can I go back to work when either physical or non-physical problems disqualify me from most work and the criminal record that omits my side of things disqualifies me from the rest?
When will Hampshire Constabulary take my complaints against the Diocese seriously and give them a record to even things out a bit?
I am exhausted.
Gotta add a little Diocese song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-4gAetwNkw
I am watching Daryl, and wondering why the Bishops are going mad with my blog? :)
Well this morning I dozed off again at 5am, and managed to stay out of the stupor as the alarm clocks started yelling at 6am, so my doze remained light until nearly 8am, when I shot out of bed and had a shower and some tea and hurried off to the work I was to do.
I was on street collection again, and everyone was nice and it went well, a bit hard on my legs, but worse was when I started having flashbacks about Jersey Police, you can't tell people who are being nice and giving you money that you are having flashbacks to the police treating you badly for your abuser, so you have to try and override the flashbacks and keep smiling, even though inside you there is hopelessness that nothing can heal because the wrongdoing is covered up and there will never be justice and you are branded for life.
How can I go back to work when either physical or non-physical problems disqualify me from most work and the criminal record that omits my side of things disqualifies me from the rest?
When will Hampshire Constabulary take my complaints against the Diocese seriously and give them a record to even things out a bit?
I am exhausted.
Gotta add a little Diocese song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-4gAetwNkw
I am watching Daryl, and wondering why the Bishops are going mad with my blog? :)
Early morning Saturday 28th December
I was having violent nightmares and woke up very shocked at nearly 3am, I couldn't calm down or get comfortable, so I have been sitting here, I can't even write any historic blog.
I am warm, but tense, and it is the tension at night that is affecting my sleep.
I hope that after a bit of work this morning for the charity, and being tired, I will sleep better tonight.
At least there is tea on tap here, while on the streets it depended on fuel for the stove and the weather at this time of morning.
I am warm, but tense, and it is the tension at night that is affecting my sleep.
I hope that after a bit of work this morning for the charity, and being tired, I will sleep better tonight.
At least there is tea on tap here, while on the streets it depended on fuel for the stove and the weather at this time of morning.
Friday 27 December 2013
More songs of the Diocese http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9omIsBFZUc
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghGuw6E7Vfg
December 27th evening
Good evening,
Well I dragged myself out for an outing, I am OK, once I am out, I just get frightened of being out, and when it is time to come home, I am scared of coming home, can't win.
Anyway, I went out, went and did some shopping, got a laundry basket, a calender, a candle, mouthwash and coat hangers. More nails in the coffin, domestic bliss, further away from my beloved streets.
Anyway, I stayed out and had a nosey poke around, and eventually came home and saw the end of ChittyChitty Bang Bang, and now the Vicar of Dibley Christmas one is on again.
I have actually cut my little Christmas cake, and it is quite edible. The only thing missing from this Christmas in the end was my pink hat.
I must sort out my bed time routine to try and get me settled, and I must try to grab Suzy CatCat in the morning if I end up in that stupor again, because I need to get up and go to the charity shift.
That kind of stupor with vivid waking dreams is quite distressing, it comes from trauma, my sister gets them too, and I used to have a lot of them in 2011 and early 2012.
Shopping lists:
Well I dragged myself out for an outing, I am OK, once I am out, I just get frightened of being out, and when it is time to come home, I am scared of coming home, can't win.
Anyway, I went out, went and did some shopping, got a laundry basket, a calender, a candle, mouthwash and coat hangers. More nails in the coffin, domestic bliss, further away from my beloved streets.
Anyway, I stayed out and had a nosey poke around, and eventually came home and saw the end of ChittyChitty Bang Bang, and now the Vicar of Dibley Christmas one is on again.
I have actually cut my little Christmas cake, and it is quite edible. The only thing missing from this Christmas in the end was my pink hat.
I must sort out my bed time routine to try and get me settled, and I must try to grab Suzy CatCat in the morning if I end up in that stupor again, because I need to get up and go to the charity shift.
That kind of stupor with vivid waking dreams is quite distressing, it comes from trauma, my sister gets them too, and I used to have a lot of them in 2011 and early 2012.
Shopping lists:
- eye drops - cos indoors is making my eyes dry
- shower gel and shampoo
- trousers
- little fan heater cos it is colder in a cold house than moving about on the streets or in a blanket pile
- printer
- lots of things
I have got a lot of new things recently, domestic posessions, I missed out of my list of presents that I got a microwavable hot water bottle cat that has lavender and chamomile in it.
I feel better for having shared that Jersey Christmas post on the other blog, it wounded me for ages and I couldn't tell anyone.
And here is one for Bishop Jane Fisher and her diocese who stick to me like glue, with Tim Dakin doing the hoovering
December 27th Afternoon
Don't worry, the number of posts will reduce after Christmas.
I have managed a historic post on the other blog, and am drinking coffee and watching films.
I should go out, I have to be careful with indoors because the agoraphobia can outweigh the claustrophobia and I can be afraid of going out.
Thankfully the charity have asked me to do a a shift tomorrow morning :) It all helps me to focus.
I have managed a historic post on the other blog, and am drinking coffee and watching films.
I should go out, I have to be careful with indoors because the agoraphobia can outweigh the claustrophobia and I can be afraid of going out.
Thankfully the charity have asked me to do a a shift tomorrow morning :) It all helps me to focus.
December 27th, morning
Good morning,
Well, I slept, but it was a tough, disturbed sleep, and in the last few hours I was trapped in a stupor with disturbing dreams, I know this is trauma, but it is awful, it wouldn't be so bad if I was outdoors.
I have to be careful because indoors, depression and flashbacks lurk, gotta keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't get really bad.
Anyway, I got up, threw myself in the shower before I could wake up and protest, got all clean and dressed, picked up the room, cos rough sleepers always do their picking up in the morning.
Now here I am, watching 'The Parent Trap' cos it is fun.
I am trying to work out what my future is, I cannot return to my career as a gardener because my legs and spine are too bad now, and I do not know what I can do that does not involve standing still or having to interact a lot or do physical work, I am very limited, maybe if I work part time and earn enough for rent, food and therapy somehow? what can I do?
Well, I slept, but it was a tough, disturbed sleep, and in the last few hours I was trapped in a stupor with disturbing dreams, I know this is trauma, but it is awful, it wouldn't be so bad if I was outdoors.
I have to be careful because indoors, depression and flashbacks lurk, gotta keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't get really bad.
Anyway, I got up, threw myself in the shower before I could wake up and protest, got all clean and dressed, picked up the room, cos rough sleepers always do their picking up in the morning.
Now here I am, watching 'The Parent Trap' cos it is fun.
I am trying to work out what my future is, I cannot return to my career as a gardener because my legs and spine are too bad now, and I do not know what I can do that does not involve standing still or having to interact a lot or do physical work, I am very limited, maybe if I work part time and earn enough for rent, food and therapy somehow? what can I do?
Thursday 26 December 2013
Boxing Day Evening
Good evening,
Well I got the bus out to my walk, I was a bit horrified by the flood and storm damage, I have been so busy in my little world, I didn't realise how bad it has been.
I walked quietly and peacefully for a while, got a mug of hot tea, and then wandered back, I stopped to get food and milk from a very quiet supermarket that had lots of stuff at reduced price because of Christmas.
Then I got the bus home. Very peaceful.
Well I got the bus out to my walk, I was a bit horrified by the flood and storm damage, I have been so busy in my little world, I didn't realise how bad it has been.
I walked quietly and peacefully for a while, got a mug of hot tea, and then wandered back, I stopped to get food and milk from a very quiet supermarket that had lots of stuff at reduced price because of Christmas.
Then I got the bus home. Very peaceful.
Boxing day, nearly 1pm
Well, unbelievably I fell asleep again after breakfast.
I am often tired in the morning and feel like sleeping again, but this is the first time I ever have.
I woke at nearly midday, and am still going through the usual routine of trying to get myself into the shower by the scruff of the neck.
There is still plenty of time to take a nice gentle walk though, I think I will do some bread and beans for lunch first.
I am often tired in the morning and feel like sleeping again, but this is the first time I ever have.
I woke at nearly midday, and am still going through the usual routine of trying to get myself into the shower by the scruff of the neck.
There is still plenty of time to take a nice gentle walk though, I think I will do some bread and beans for lunch first.
Boxing Day 7.20am
Good morning,
I slept through the night, I was very tired and maybe the new pillow helped too.
I woke up in the quiet early morning, the room was glowing slightly as I left the tree lights and the nativity set light on, I woke feeling rested but woke from sad dreams to flashbacks about Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt and their unchristian deciet of the police and court in Sussex, those things will haunt me forever, which is why I continue to ask God for my death.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I got up, made tea, and am sitting in bed with a 'Herbie' film on television, with the volume down, because I cannot stand noise in the early morning, I like it here because it is so quiet, I just have the soothing murmur of the aquarium to keep me safe during the night. :)
I think I will have a gentle walk with my stick today, if the weather allows, because I am not booked to eat ham anywhere today :) On Christmas eve my asthma was bad, but it seems ok now, so a gentle stroll along a favourite old walk sounds good.
The lady who runs the charity that I was doing street collection for last week phoned yesterday to say happy Christmas and that we raised a good sum of money, good, it is all payback.
I slept through the night, I was very tired and maybe the new pillow helped too.
I woke up in the quiet early morning, the room was glowing slightly as I left the tree lights and the nativity set light on, I woke feeling rested but woke from sad dreams to flashbacks about Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt and their unchristian deciet of the police and court in Sussex, those things will haunt me forever, which is why I continue to ask God for my death.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I got up, made tea, and am sitting in bed with a 'Herbie' film on television, with the volume down, because I cannot stand noise in the early morning, I like it here because it is so quiet, I just have the soothing murmur of the aquarium to keep me safe during the night. :)
I think I will have a gentle walk with my stick today, if the weather allows, because I am not booked to eat ham anywhere today :) On Christmas eve my asthma was bad, but it seems ok now, so a gentle stroll along a favourite old walk sounds good.
The lady who runs the charity that I was doing street collection for last week phoned yesterday to say happy Christmas and that we raised a good sum of money, good, it is all payback.
Wednesday 25 December 2013
humour
my stalker stat, are you exhausted from the busy day? I am missing you.
When I write bizarre things like that, the haters flock, because they want me to be seen as mad.
But actually I am assessed as free from serious mental illness, my bizarreness, is autism, crazy humour and behavioural disorder.
I actually know the person who I describe as my stalker stat here, and they read the blog very frequently and are most welcome, although they would probably be better off emailing me, reconciling, and getting my full story direct from me, instead of trying to block my side and turn away, it would help so much. I am glad to see them taking such an interest in the blog.
And here is my stalker stat, tired from church but back.
When I write bizarre things like that, the haters flock, because they want me to be seen as mad.
But actually I am assessed as free from serious mental illness, my bizarreness, is autism, crazy humour and behavioural disorder.
I actually know the person who I describe as my stalker stat here, and they read the blog very frequently and are most welcome, although they would probably be better off emailing me, reconciling, and getting my full story direct from me, instead of trying to block my side and turn away, it would help so much. I am glad to see them taking such an interest in the blog.
And here is my stalker stat, tired from church but back.
The Best Christmas
Good evening everyone,
One exhausted blogger here.
Well this morning, I managed to drag myself through the shower and into clothes, faffing and worrying about what would be best to wear for a day at someone else's house, but soon I was all smart and ready, and as usual I had been getting in a panic about time, anyway, I went to put some coffee and toast on for breakfast, and when I opened my door, I found a package outside my door, and it had my name on, it looked like a box of chocolates, and on further inspection, it was.
So I added it to my pile of Christmas goodies.
I started my walk to church, thinking I was running late when actually I was making good time, and then someone on their way to duties at church stopped and gave me a lift the rest of the way to church.
We got there early and found the Priest happily hoovering the carpet, so we laughed about that.
We said prayers, and I just felt all happy and peaceful, then everyone started to arrive, and I put the mince pies out ready for us to have with coffee after the service.
Then the gang arrived, and those who I would't spend the day with, because they gave the second invitation and I had to accept the first, gave me a bag of presents. I sat with them during the service, and we had a lovely service, and then a lovely coffee and chat afterwards, then it was time for the rest of the day.
It was a very busy house, and there was no room in the kitchen, so those of us surplus to requirements sat in the lounge and talked.
The kitchen sounded very busy.
Eventually we all sat down to lunch, at two tables as there were about 20 of us in all.
We didn't have turkey, funnily enough, we had gammon, and it was a delicious meal, I was sitting between someone I am used to, and a friendly young lad who was easy to talk to, so it was fine although we were a bit cramped.
We had great fun pulling crackers and joking about the jokes, and playing charades of course! I cannot do a charade and often I do not get them, but today I guessed a number of them! :)
After pudding and coffee, we all sat round and it was present opening time! This was indeed my first real Christmas for years. Everyone got presents, including me, and I had my bag of presents from the gang to open as well! :) wow! I had a real Christmas!
I got: A lamp, a tin of chocolate biscuits, a jacket, a bodywarmer, a microwavable hot water bottle, and some hot socks. I think those were very appropriate and helpful presents, and it was nice to see what the others got as well. Real Christmas after so many years.
I also got a lovely little glass nativity scene with glowing changing colours, that is a present and also a Christmas decoration for up here. And I was also given a proper orthapedic pillow by the gang, so my neck will be supported at night.
By about 5pm I was tired and sleepy so I was given a lift home.
The place is lit up with my tree lights, fairy lights, candle and beautiful nativity lit up in led changing colour lights.
This has indeed been my best Christmas for many years, one of my best Christmases ever and my first real Christmas for a long time. I told everyone so.
I hope to just relax over the holidays, watch some films and do some walking if the weather allows, before facing the grim realities of life in the New Year, where I may lose benefits, return to the streets, suffer further at the hands of the church or whatever, I pray it is not so, but, reality is that life doesn't magically come right with one magical Christmas, and in my life, good things usually happen before terrible things, and I am very vulnerable in being here, sorry to be gloomy.
One exhausted blogger here.
Well this morning, I managed to drag myself through the shower and into clothes, faffing and worrying about what would be best to wear for a day at someone else's house, but soon I was all smart and ready, and as usual I had been getting in a panic about time, anyway, I went to put some coffee and toast on for breakfast, and when I opened my door, I found a package outside my door, and it had my name on, it looked like a box of chocolates, and on further inspection, it was.
So I added it to my pile of Christmas goodies.
I started my walk to church, thinking I was running late when actually I was making good time, and then someone on their way to duties at church stopped and gave me a lift the rest of the way to church.
We got there early and found the Priest happily hoovering the carpet, so we laughed about that.
We said prayers, and I just felt all happy and peaceful, then everyone started to arrive, and I put the mince pies out ready for us to have with coffee after the service.
Then the gang arrived, and those who I would't spend the day with, because they gave the second invitation and I had to accept the first, gave me a bag of presents. I sat with them during the service, and we had a lovely service, and then a lovely coffee and chat afterwards, then it was time for the rest of the day.
It was a very busy house, and there was no room in the kitchen, so those of us surplus to requirements sat in the lounge and talked.
The kitchen sounded very busy.
Eventually we all sat down to lunch, at two tables as there were about 20 of us in all.
We didn't have turkey, funnily enough, we had gammon, and it was a delicious meal, I was sitting between someone I am used to, and a friendly young lad who was easy to talk to, so it was fine although we were a bit cramped.
We had great fun pulling crackers and joking about the jokes, and playing charades of course! I cannot do a charade and often I do not get them, but today I guessed a number of them! :)
After pudding and coffee, we all sat round and it was present opening time! This was indeed my first real Christmas for years. Everyone got presents, including me, and I had my bag of presents from the gang to open as well! :) wow! I had a real Christmas!
I got: A lamp, a tin of chocolate biscuits, a jacket, a bodywarmer, a microwavable hot water bottle, and some hot socks. I think those were very appropriate and helpful presents, and it was nice to see what the others got as well. Real Christmas after so many years.
I also got a lovely little glass nativity scene with glowing changing colours, that is a present and also a Christmas decoration for up here. And I was also given a proper orthapedic pillow by the gang, so my neck will be supported at night.
By about 5pm I was tired and sleepy so I was given a lift home.
The place is lit up with my tree lights, fairy lights, candle and beautiful nativity lit up in led changing colour lights.
This has indeed been my best Christmas for many years, one of my best Christmases ever and my first real Christmas for a long time. I told everyone so.
I hope to just relax over the holidays, watch some films and do some walking if the weather allows, before facing the grim realities of life in the New Year, where I may lose benefits, return to the streets, suffer further at the hands of the church or whatever, I pray it is not so, but, reality is that life doesn't magically come right with one magical Christmas, and in my life, good things usually happen before terrible things, and I am very vulnerable in being here, sorry to be gloomy.
Christmas Morning 7.45am
Good Morning, Merry Christmas.
Well I woke sleepily at 7.25am, the dog was barking, the alarm was buzzing, the weather was battering the house, and it was just getting light.
I do not know what was going on in my sleep, but my neck pillow had taken quite a leap across the room, and the lantern by my bed was on.
No sign of a stocking, well one stocking was on and the other had wandered. I was all muzzy headed and the dog kept barking.
At least I slept through from 2am. Maybe I will start sleeping now.
I got up and lit the candle and switched the fairy lights and the kettle and television on, and did a new hot water bottle and some tea.
I was worried I wouldn't wake to get to church and be with the gang this morning, but I am awake and sitting in bed drinking tea and watching television.
Happy Christmas! Today will be chaotic and noisy, thankfully it is only once a year! I am enjoying a bit of peace for a few hours before it all kicks off.
I have exciting things like showering, dressing and doing breakfast to do next.
ah, and a message came last night that Santa has dropped a parcel from Canada somewhere for me! Everyone's messages came through just before and after Midnight Mass! :) I will collect my parcel as soon as I can.
Well I woke sleepily at 7.25am, the dog was barking, the alarm was buzzing, the weather was battering the house, and it was just getting light.
I do not know what was going on in my sleep, but my neck pillow had taken quite a leap across the room, and the lantern by my bed was on.
No sign of a stocking, well one stocking was on and the other had wandered. I was all muzzy headed and the dog kept barking.
At least I slept through from 2am. Maybe I will start sleeping now.
I got up and lit the candle and switched the fairy lights and the kettle and television on, and did a new hot water bottle and some tea.
I was worried I wouldn't wake to get to church and be with the gang this morning, but I am awake and sitting in bed drinking tea and watching television.
Happy Christmas! Today will be chaotic and noisy, thankfully it is only once a year! I am enjoying a bit of peace for a few hours before it all kicks off.
I have exciting things like showering, dressing and doing breakfast to do next.
ah, and a message came last night that Santa has dropped a parcel from Canada somewhere for me! Everyone's messages came through just before and after Midnight Mass! :) I will collect my parcel as soon as I can.
Christmas Morning 1.30am
Good Morning,
Jesus came into the world to die that we might be saved! :)
It is 1.30am, I just got back from Mass, and the kettle has just boiled.
I set out at 11pm, hoping that the weather would hold off, as we joked that I have been caught in every storm over the last few weeks.
A lot of people were out and about, going to and from celebrations or heading for Mass, Mass goers were heading to both churches, and the Anglican church was pealing joyful bells (show-offs!), I did consider going to the Anglican church, as there would be more space in there, but I went dutifully to my church, and wow, it was a squeeze, thankfully I got a seat, as I had walked down with my stick, as I cannot stand easily for long, but it was hard to concentrate as there were young people messing with their phones and fidgeting and talking.
Anyway, I escaped as soon as Mass was over, and walked home in the cold starry night.
Wow, beautiful.
I got home and the kitchen light had been left on for me, so I stroked the cat, shushed the dog, boiled the kettle, and when I have had a warm drink and a snack, I will do some heavy duty snoozing until time for church in the morning. :)
Merry Christmas and Good night/morning.
Jesus came into the world to die that we might be saved! :)
It is 1.30am, I just got back from Mass, and the kettle has just boiled.
I set out at 11pm, hoping that the weather would hold off, as we joked that I have been caught in every storm over the last few weeks.
A lot of people were out and about, going to and from celebrations or heading for Mass, Mass goers were heading to both churches, and the Anglican church was pealing joyful bells (show-offs!), I did consider going to the Anglican church, as there would be more space in there, but I went dutifully to my church, and wow, it was a squeeze, thankfully I got a seat, as I had walked down with my stick, as I cannot stand easily for long, but it was hard to concentrate as there were young people messing with their phones and fidgeting and talking.
Anyway, I escaped as soon as Mass was over, and walked home in the cold starry night.
Wow, beautiful.
I got home and the kitchen light had been left on for me, so I stroked the cat, shushed the dog, boiled the kettle, and when I have had a warm drink and a snack, I will do some heavy duty snoozing until time for church in the morning. :)
Merry Christmas and Good night/morning.
Tuesday 24 December 2013
Christmas prayers and greetings
I will start my Christmas prayers and Christmas greetings by repeating my prayers from earlier.
I pray for all those without power because of the weather, anyone suffering flooding or wind or storm damage, anyone trying to get home and being thwarted by the weather, anyone stuck far from home, anyone who is cold and tired and unable to get to their destination.
And, of course, I pray for the homeless who are out in this weather, with everywhere closing for Christmas, I pray that all homeless will recieve some warmth, kindness, compassion and hot food and drinks.
I pray for anyone who's Christmas is being spoiled by the weather.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
I pray for all who are going to find this Christmas difficult, especially those many people who are struggling financially and have found getting food difficult and getting presents for children and loved ones impossible, I pray for all who will feel sad and left out as they struggle while everyone else seems to be having fun. Amen
I pray for anyone who is alone, lonely or feeling left out this Christmas, I pray that they will be comforted and have hope and resolution for better times in future to buoy them up. amen
I pray for all vulnerable people, children and women in situations where they are abused and may be expecting the abuse to worsen during the Christmas Holidays, for their safety and an end to abuse, please Lord Jesus. Amen
I pray for those who are unwell or injured or dying and cannot enjoy the festive season, for comfort for them. Amen
I pray for any Children who are in poverty and cannot expect anything nice or any gifts or treats this Christmas, for their hope and welfare and for unexpected good surprises for them and for their families. Amen
I pray for warmth for those who are cold tonight, and for food for those who are hungry, shelter and outreach for those who are on the street, and safety for those in danger. Amen
I pray for all the young people out celebrating Christmas and New year at Parties, Pubs and Clubs, for their safety and welfare, and that they remember that it is not just about drinks and hangovers, that there is more to Christmas than that. Amen
Jesus, as we celebrate Your Birth, bring comfort to those in need, help to those in trouble, and bring hope and a future to those in despair. Saviour of the World, I ask this in Your Name. Amen.
Thank You Lord Jesus and Father God, for the way You have provided for me, in my years on the streets and in this homecoming, thank You for the courage, compassion and love that has brought me off the streets and home for Christmas, and providing for my every need this Christmas. Amen.
Lord I pray for my friends and family, those I see and those I no longer see, that they have a joyous Christmas and that emnity and tensions and worries are left behind as they celebrate.
Amen
I pray for everyone who has helped me and provided for me, and especially blessing for those who have been hurt by my traumatic reaction of anger and attachment disorder which causes a barrier between me and those who get too close, because I cannot trust and bond properly. I pray that my therapy can proceed in the New Year so that I can learn to respond well to love and care, and I pray healing for anyone who I have inadvertantly hurt.
Amen
I pray for my street brothers and sisters, especially those who have selflessly looked after me, sharing food and keeping me safe at night and keeping me company, bless all the precious and traumatized people who have to live on the streets or in inadequate or temporary accommodation.
Amen
I pray for anyone in Jersey who is struggling with injustice, illness, poor accommodation, money worries, loss of career or any other problem that is marring their Christmas. Amen
I pray a blessing on each and every person reading this blog, for whatever reason, those who know me, those who have found the blog by chance and those who have heard of it from various sources, I pray that you are blessed with a happy Christmas and New Year, no matter who you are. Amen
I pray for myself, that God can forgive my sins and especially my anger and irritation as the last 9 months have seen my life ripped apart by the actions of the Church of England.
I pray that I can find peace as the damage by the Diocese is so severe, and I am facing a bleak future as it is unlikely that I can stay on incapacity benefits after three years and am likely to be told to seek work, but the damage to my health by the Diocese means I am not fit for work, and so I am facing losing benefits and being unable to work, and thus not being able to afford my therapy, which is not available on the NHS. I would ask you to pray for me also. The damage by the Church of England to my life is always going to affect me, and I would ask God for my death, even though I am not mentally ill and will continue to make the best of life while God keeps me alive. Amen
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my old and new friends, family, anyone reading the blogs, churches, Jersey bloggers and everyone.
I pray for all those without power because of the weather, anyone suffering flooding or wind or storm damage, anyone trying to get home and being thwarted by the weather, anyone stuck far from home, anyone who is cold and tired and unable to get to their destination.
And, of course, I pray for the homeless who are out in this weather, with everywhere closing for Christmas, I pray that all homeless will recieve some warmth, kindness, compassion and hot food and drinks.
I pray for anyone who's Christmas is being spoiled by the weather.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
I pray for all who are going to find this Christmas difficult, especially those many people who are struggling financially and have found getting food difficult and getting presents for children and loved ones impossible, I pray for all who will feel sad and left out as they struggle while everyone else seems to be having fun. Amen
I pray for anyone who is alone, lonely or feeling left out this Christmas, I pray that they will be comforted and have hope and resolution for better times in future to buoy them up. amen
I pray for all vulnerable people, children and women in situations where they are abused and may be expecting the abuse to worsen during the Christmas Holidays, for their safety and an end to abuse, please Lord Jesus. Amen
I pray for those who are unwell or injured or dying and cannot enjoy the festive season, for comfort for them. Amen
I pray for any Children who are in poverty and cannot expect anything nice or any gifts or treats this Christmas, for their hope and welfare and for unexpected good surprises for them and for their families. Amen
I pray for warmth for those who are cold tonight, and for food for those who are hungry, shelter and outreach for those who are on the street, and safety for those in danger. Amen
I pray for all the young people out celebrating Christmas and New year at Parties, Pubs and Clubs, for their safety and welfare, and that they remember that it is not just about drinks and hangovers, that there is more to Christmas than that. Amen
Jesus, as we celebrate Your Birth, bring comfort to those in need, help to those in trouble, and bring hope and a future to those in despair. Saviour of the World, I ask this in Your Name. Amen.
Thank You Lord Jesus and Father God, for the way You have provided for me, in my years on the streets and in this homecoming, thank You for the courage, compassion and love that has brought me off the streets and home for Christmas, and providing for my every need this Christmas. Amen.
Lord I pray for my friends and family, those I see and those I no longer see, that they have a joyous Christmas and that emnity and tensions and worries are left behind as they celebrate.
Amen
I pray for everyone who has helped me and provided for me, and especially blessing for those who have been hurt by my traumatic reaction of anger and attachment disorder which causes a barrier between me and those who get too close, because I cannot trust and bond properly. I pray that my therapy can proceed in the New Year so that I can learn to respond well to love and care, and I pray healing for anyone who I have inadvertantly hurt.
Amen
I pray for my street brothers and sisters, especially those who have selflessly looked after me, sharing food and keeping me safe at night and keeping me company, bless all the precious and traumatized people who have to live on the streets or in inadequate or temporary accommodation.
Amen
I pray for anyone in Jersey who is struggling with injustice, illness, poor accommodation, money worries, loss of career or any other problem that is marring their Christmas. Amen
I pray a blessing on each and every person reading this blog, for whatever reason, those who know me, those who have found the blog by chance and those who have heard of it from various sources, I pray that you are blessed with a happy Christmas and New Year, no matter who you are. Amen
I pray for myself, that God can forgive my sins and especially my anger and irritation as the last 9 months have seen my life ripped apart by the actions of the Church of England.
I pray that I can find peace as the damage by the Diocese is so severe, and I am facing a bleak future as it is unlikely that I can stay on incapacity benefits after three years and am likely to be told to seek work, but the damage to my health by the Diocese means I am not fit for work, and so I am facing losing benefits and being unable to work, and thus not being able to afford my therapy, which is not available on the NHS. I would ask you to pray for me also. The damage by the Church of England to my life is always going to affect me, and I would ask God for my death, even though I am not mentally ill and will continue to make the best of life while God keeps me alive. Amen
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my old and new friends, family, anyone reading the blogs, churches, Jersey bloggers and everyone.
Christmas Eve evening
Good evening,
Well, I am restless and anxious, staying up to go to Midnight Mass.
I am always anxious in the evenings as I am still very afraid of night times indoors.
I have hoovered, I have cleaned the bathroom, done all sorts of odd jobs, while Airplane 2 is on television, I have never really got used to Airplane 2, as Kevin got me watching the original airplane film but no-one ever introduced me to airplane 2, and I think Airplane was a stand alone film, didn't need a sequel.
The house is quiet, and all my shopping is done, I have what I need over Christmas, I have watched the fish tank, which is actually a large aquarium, there are new residents in the fish tank, including a fascinating spidery thing called a 'Spear Crab', the spear crab looks funny and grumpy and it sifts the sand.
I have warmed myself some macaroni cheese in the microwave, I have had lots of tea, and I am just being nervous now. Tomorrow will be a noisy social day and I have to hope I wake up well and sociable in the morning.
I have two more posts to do today, my Christmas prayers, and a Christmas message to the Diocese of Winchester.
I think I will have my shower and change for Mass first.
Well, I am restless and anxious, staying up to go to Midnight Mass.
I am always anxious in the evenings as I am still very afraid of night times indoors.
I have hoovered, I have cleaned the bathroom, done all sorts of odd jobs, while Airplane 2 is on television, I have never really got used to Airplane 2, as Kevin got me watching the original airplane film but no-one ever introduced me to airplane 2, and I think Airplane was a stand alone film, didn't need a sequel.
The house is quiet, and all my shopping is done, I have what I need over Christmas, I have watched the fish tank, which is actually a large aquarium, there are new residents in the fish tank, including a fascinating spidery thing called a 'Spear Crab', the spear crab looks funny and grumpy and it sifts the sand.
I have warmed myself some macaroni cheese in the microwave, I have had lots of tea, and I am just being nervous now. Tomorrow will be a noisy social day and I have to hope I wake up well and sociable in the morning.
I have two more posts to do today, my Christmas prayers, and a Christmas message to the Diocese of Winchester.
I think I will have my shower and change for Mass first.
Christmas Eve afternoon
Good afternoon.
well I went to see my friends and drink coffee, and got a lift to town, finished my shopping and came home, we were laughing in the car about me doing a 'Vicar of Dibley' Christmas on the way home, and funnily enough, that very Vicar of Dibley episode is on Gold now, so I will watch it and relax now everything is done. I will just relax, for once, apart from the background fear of indoors and the Diocese, and tonight I will go to Midnight Mass, and tomorrow will just be awesome! :)
well I went to see my friends and drink coffee, and got a lift to town, finished my shopping and came home, we were laughing in the car about me doing a 'Vicar of Dibley' Christmas on the way home, and funnily enough, that very Vicar of Dibley episode is on Gold now, so I will watch it and relax now everything is done. I will just relax, for once, apart from the background fear of indoors and the Diocese, and tonight I will go to Midnight Mass, and tomorrow will just be awesome! :)
Christmas Prayers 1.
I will start my Christmas Prayers now because of the Weather.
I pray for all those without power because of the weather, anyone suffering flooding or wind damage, anyone trying to get home and being thwarted by the weather, anyone stuck far from home, anyone who is cold and tired and unable to get to their destination.
And, of course, I pray for the homeless who are out in this weather, with everywhere closing for Christmas, I pray that all homeless will recieve some warmth, kindness, compassion and hot food and drinks.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
I pray for all those without power because of the weather, anyone suffering flooding or wind damage, anyone trying to get home and being thwarted by the weather, anyone stuck far from home, anyone who is cold and tired and unable to get to their destination.
And, of course, I pray for the homeless who are out in this weather, with everywhere closing for Christmas, I pray that all homeless will recieve some warmth, kindness, compassion and hot food and drinks.
In Jesus' Name, amen.
Christmas Eve Morning
Good morning,
I will be told off by the respected mentor for being harsh on Revd Ould. So I will remove that post some time.
Well, last night I had my horlicks and sorted my bed out, and fell asleep, but I waited until it was really late and I was really sleepy.
I fell alseep, and generally slept well, but still woke in the early hours, slept again and had vivid dreams and woke up late.
I haven't quite got the hang of this housedwelling lark yet. But it was comforting to put the little lantern on when I woke during the night. Last night was probably the best night so far.
Anyway, I have not been awake long, woke late,I put all the fairy lights and the candle on and I am watching the end of 'Herbie', I must get sorted because I am going up to the cafe to see me pals, the last cafe before the New Year.
I haven't done my Christmas Prayers yet, I will do them later and post them on here.
It's Christmas Eve! You gotta be excited eh? I bet my old friend who is reading this is.
I will be told off by the respected mentor for being harsh on Revd Ould. So I will remove that post some time.
Well, last night I had my horlicks and sorted my bed out, and fell asleep, but I waited until it was really late and I was really sleepy.
I fell alseep, and generally slept well, but still woke in the early hours, slept again and had vivid dreams and woke up late.
I haven't quite got the hang of this housedwelling lark yet. But it was comforting to put the little lantern on when I woke during the night. Last night was probably the best night so far.
Anyway, I have not been awake long, woke late,I put all the fairy lights and the candle on and I am watching the end of 'Herbie', I must get sorted because I am going up to the cafe to see me pals, the last cafe before the New Year.
I haven't done my Christmas Prayers yet, I will do them later and post them on here.
It's Christmas Eve! You gotta be excited eh? I bet my old friend who is reading this is.
Monday 23 December 2013
Monday 23rd December -evening
Good evening,
I have managed to get the internet up and running here, this is good.
The blogs will start running normally again.
Some of the blog posts so far do not appear to say anything apart from 'read more', and if you click on that, you get the blog post.
The weather has been terrible, but I am tucked up in bed, with the television on, the fairylights on the tree and the dressing table are shining, there are lots of christmas goodies and I have put tinsel everywhere, my friend brought a poinsettia, and the candle is burning, it is very Christmassy, I am watching Christmas videos and waiting for one of my favourite films 'Airplane' to be on later, it is a Lesley Nielsen film and it is hilarious.
My bed has my own duvet and pillows on and my two pink cushions, and I have now got a hot water bottle and a wool blanket, and I have my princess blanket round my shoulders, warming up after being out in the storm.
It is interesting how you can transfer things from rough sleeping to house dwelling, I have been trying to work out how to deal with my problems sleeping.
We got me my princess blanket because I had been so used to having a blanket round my head while I slept at night, and the room is unheated, which is essential for a rough sleeper in transition, so we went to get me a blanket, and the shop had a choice of princess or racing car blankets, so I have a princess blanket, I have two pink cushions, one from the shoebox I was given, and one which is a neck support pillow for keeping my spine supported at night, I also have a pink bath towel, so all of a sudden, I am a girl!
Anyway, so there is a blanket round my head at night for warmth and security, and I have my lantern by my bed, the lantern that used to be beside me when I slept on the ground.
So, familiar things should help the terror that disturbs my nights, and maybe Horlicks and a hot water bottle will help me to stay calm and warm.
It is, as I have always said, colder in an unheated house than it is in a proper blanket pile of a rough sleeper, this is true, and none of the house dwellers used to believe me when I told them I could stay warm in temperatures well below freezing outside, but it was perfectly true, I could, I actually find adjusting to a bed very hard, because I do not quite know how to keep warm and relax, I will 'blanket pile' it a bit with my new wool blanket, and I will have to think about how to keep my spine supported, because lying on the ground kept my injuries in place, and this mattress does not, I think a foam layer might help.
So, here we are, awaiting Christmas Eve, and, for now, I am home. On condition that the Diocese of Winchester leave me alone, if they do not, I will fight them from the streets again.
I am very grateful to everyone who has helped me get this far, it has been a turbulent journey.
Happy Christmas! :)
I have managed to get the internet up and running here, this is good.
The blogs will start running normally again.
Some of the blog posts so far do not appear to say anything apart from 'read more', and if you click on that, you get the blog post.
The weather has been terrible, but I am tucked up in bed, with the television on, the fairylights on the tree and the dressing table are shining, there are lots of christmas goodies and I have put tinsel everywhere, my friend brought a poinsettia, and the candle is burning, it is very Christmassy, I am watching Christmas videos and waiting for one of my favourite films 'Airplane' to be on later, it is a Lesley Nielsen film and it is hilarious.
My bed has my own duvet and pillows on and my two pink cushions, and I have now got a hot water bottle and a wool blanket, and I have my princess blanket round my shoulders, warming up after being out in the storm.
It is interesting how you can transfer things from rough sleeping to house dwelling, I have been trying to work out how to deal with my problems sleeping.
We got me my princess blanket because I had been so used to having a blanket round my head while I slept at night, and the room is unheated, which is essential for a rough sleeper in transition, so we went to get me a blanket, and the shop had a choice of princess or racing car blankets, so I have a princess blanket, I have two pink cushions, one from the shoebox I was given, and one which is a neck support pillow for keeping my spine supported at night, I also have a pink bath towel, so all of a sudden, I am a girl!
Anyway, so there is a blanket round my head at night for warmth and security, and I have my lantern by my bed, the lantern that used to be beside me when I slept on the ground.
So, familiar things should help the terror that disturbs my nights, and maybe Horlicks and a hot water bottle will help me to stay calm and warm.
It is, as I have always said, colder in an unheated house than it is in a proper blanket pile of a rough sleeper, this is true, and none of the house dwellers used to believe me when I told them I could stay warm in temperatures well below freezing outside, but it was perfectly true, I could, I actually find adjusting to a bed very hard, because I do not quite know how to keep warm and relax, I will 'blanket pile' it a bit with my new wool blanket, and I will have to think about how to keep my spine supported, because lying on the ground kept my injuries in place, and this mattress does not, I think a foam layer might help.
So, here we are, awaiting Christmas Eve, and, for now, I am home. On condition that the Diocese of Winchester leave me alone, if they do not, I will fight them from the streets again.
I am very grateful to everyone who has helped me get this far, it has been a turbulent journey.
Happy Christmas! :)
Sunday 22 December 2013
Sunday December 22nd
Hi.
I am on a brief internet break before the good films start.
Yesterday evening the pain luckily faded out, and I didn't take any more painkillers, which is good, because they can hurt my insides where it used be all poorly.
I watched the music channels to see all the Christmas music videos and I watched the fish tank.
I managed to find the toy cat I have been looking for for ages in the chattery shops, it it a black and white toy version of our real cat that lives in a box on the freezer.
The real cat that lives on the freezer is hidden in the box apart from it's head, and someone stuck a plastic mustache to the box, where the cat pokes it's head out, so the cat looked like it was wearing a mustache and I laughed and laughed and the cat looked horrified.
My toy cat is called Suzy CatCat, and I always wanted her. Those of you who don't know, I have an obsession with soft toys, and I use a soft toy as a communication aid in any situation where I am frightened.
'Joj' the lion, my toy horses, my seal, the polar bear, the fish, etc, these were all toys that used to help me, don't ask why, I do not know.
Last night I did not sleep well, I was in and out of sleep with nightmares and distress and tension, I think it is a combination of new home and new bed, and the metabolic illness.
The bad weather was also pretty bad.
By the morning I had fallen into a doze and didn't want to wake to go to church. But I did, I washed, drank tea and hurried off to church.
Church was crowded, it was our nativity service, so there were extra chairs and extra crowds, my chair, which is fourth aisle and outside, had been taken, so I ended up being a VIP and sitting with the gang.
The Nativity was excellent, Children are such natural actors and it was well written, well played and had us all laughing.
Afterwards I went and sat at my table. The very best and simplest way to help someone with autism cope with a noisy church room and social time, is a table in the corner, where only a few people gather and it is quite peaceful and safe, and people can come and say hello individually, without any bewildering mass of people and noise.
So it was nice and fun to drink tea and chat.
I ended up with more than one invite for Christmas Day, so we laughed when I said I would have to do a 'Vicar of Dibley'.
If you haven't seen the Vicar of Dibley Christmas Dinner one then you must!
This afternoon there is just a blanket and lots of good films :) This is already the very best Christmas ever for me, or the best in a number of years, and it isn't even Christmas Day yet.
Anyone who wants to help the homeless this Christmas, please send money to 'Crisis at Christmas' as they provide a lot more just than a meal for my street brothers and sisters.
I am on a brief internet break before the good films start.
Yesterday evening the pain luckily faded out, and I didn't take any more painkillers, which is good, because they can hurt my insides where it used be all poorly.
I watched the music channels to see all the Christmas music videos and I watched the fish tank.
I managed to find the toy cat I have been looking for for ages in the chattery shops, it it a black and white toy version of our real cat that lives in a box on the freezer.
The real cat that lives on the freezer is hidden in the box apart from it's head, and someone stuck a plastic mustache to the box, where the cat pokes it's head out, so the cat looked like it was wearing a mustache and I laughed and laughed and the cat looked horrified.
My toy cat is called Suzy CatCat, and I always wanted her. Those of you who don't know, I have an obsession with soft toys, and I use a soft toy as a communication aid in any situation where I am frightened.
'Joj' the lion, my toy horses, my seal, the polar bear, the fish, etc, these were all toys that used to help me, don't ask why, I do not know.
Last night I did not sleep well, I was in and out of sleep with nightmares and distress and tension, I think it is a combination of new home and new bed, and the metabolic illness.
The bad weather was also pretty bad.
By the morning I had fallen into a doze and didn't want to wake to go to church. But I did, I washed, drank tea and hurried off to church.
Church was crowded, it was our nativity service, so there were extra chairs and extra crowds, my chair, which is fourth aisle and outside, had been taken, so I ended up being a VIP and sitting with the gang.
The Nativity was excellent, Children are such natural actors and it was well written, well played and had us all laughing.
Afterwards I went and sat at my table. The very best and simplest way to help someone with autism cope with a noisy church room and social time, is a table in the corner, where only a few people gather and it is quite peaceful and safe, and people can come and say hello individually, without any bewildering mass of people and noise.
So it was nice and fun to drink tea and chat.
I ended up with more than one invite for Christmas Day, so we laughed when I said I would have to do a 'Vicar of Dibley'.
If you haven't seen the Vicar of Dibley Christmas Dinner one then you must!
This afternoon there is just a blanket and lots of good films :) This is already the very best Christmas ever for me, or the best in a number of years, and it isn't even Christmas Day yet.
Anyone who wants to help the homeless this Christmas, please send money to 'Crisis at Christmas' as they provide a lot more just than a meal for my street brothers and sisters.
Saturday 21 December 2013
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